Mcyt -autistic- oneshots

He's gone (C!Tommy and C!Aimsey)

TW- death, loneliness, suicidal ideation, depression

Tommy's POV:

He's gone. Wilbur's gone. My big brother sailing off into a storm and leaving me behind. I can't look out at sea without tricking my brain into thinking that's him right there, sailing back to shore with a bit of Utah's sand hidden in his shoes and coat pockets. It's not fair! But it's never been fair has it?

I know he had to leave, I know why he did it, I know I have to accept the fact he's done it. But today I couldn't get out of bed. I don't think he knew how much this would affect me.

Every day since L'Manburg, he has been there. The last time he wasn't, at least I had Tubbo, and I kept myself busy. Now I have nothing. No discs (not in the same way they used to be), no L'Manburg, no Big Innit hotel. Nothing. Not even my big brother.

He would wake me up every morning at the same time. So now I don't wake up, and I certainly don't get up. And he would help me do the boring simple tasks that I always needed someone there for. So now I don't do anything with my days. He would tell me anything I did was great. So now everything I do must be rubbish. He would love me in the way all the best big brothers do, and he'd always say how proud he was. Now I'm unloved and not worth anyone's pride.

Things aren't ever going to be the same. No one can replace him. And the people who used to fill in when he wasn't there are gone too.

Tubbo is always busy building a new set of nukes or spending time with his new friends.

Ranboo isn't Ranboo; he's someone else. HE'S DEAD! He's dead and there is nothing we can do about it. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel exactly, but it makes me feel like dying too. Am I allowed to be gone now too? Everyone else is.

Phil is still my 'dad', but he's constantly busy with building projects and getting his mind off things. I've never even met Mumza, so I can't go talk to her.

Jack moved away somewhere ridiculously distant and so did Fundy, and a lot of other people. And Quackity, well he still scares me, and I'd feel like I was betraying Wilbur if I went back to Las Nevadas. Too many bad memories of that place as well.

Slime is dead. I'd go talk to Charlie about anything. I did used to go talk to Charlie about anything, but he's gone too now. Everyone is gone. When is it my turn?

And lastly, my second big brother who was never my big brother, well he's... he's gone. Gone for good. Wilbur could come back from Utah couldn't he? Technoblade can't come back from where he's gone. I think I might like to go visit and never come back home too?

They're all gone, and it just leaves me. I can't even go pet Henry and act like everything is okay. Act like I'm 2 years younger and still have my braces and stupid hair cut and a L'Manburg uniform tattooed to my body. And that I'm right there with them all, Wilbur, Tubbo, Fundy, Eret, Jack, Niki and a hotdog van. Hot dogs make me feel sick; I bet Wilbur sells loads at his gas station job.

There's this person I haven't really talked to, but I've watched them from a distance. Only on the days where I could drag myself out of bed and out from my house. Sometimes going on a walk reminds me of the days that Wilbur and I used to plan things out whilst collecting all our resources for nefarious purposes. This person: they seem interesting and cool and funny. 

If everyone from my past has gone, maybe the person I'm supposed to find next is someone purely from my future? Maybe I don't know what I'm doing. No, I definitely don't know what I'm doing.

They waved at me the other day, and I swear they must have seen my eyes light up ever so slightly even from 20 blocks out. That would have been the only thing they could have seen because I didn't smile, wave or say anything back. I wish I had now. 

I've climbed up the vines on the L'Manburg ruins and I'm lying on this cold, wet, slimy obsidian and staring up at the stars. And I'm thinking about everything that happened, and I'm trying to plan out everything that will happen. They're all gone. One day everyone left will be too, even that interesting person from the other day. And sometime in the future, I'll be gone too. It could be in the next moment, if I rolled myself off this stupid connective platform that was used to destroy my entire world. But I won't do that because I can't let my dad kill both of his sons, even if he isn't holding the sword that gets plunged into my chest. He still would have helped made that metal weapon wouldn't he. So would Dream, and the man that has truly gone. I can't let that be my legacy.

I'll sit and rock up here instead. Back and forth. Back and forth. Letting my tears falls down like those stupid vines and finally feel a fraction of the freedom I once felt when in actuality I was being lovingly sheltered by my big brother. And I'll scream out, and there will be no words, just screams. And I will feel half the amount of heard I felt when Wilbur would study my every word for the hidden joke I couldn't quite voice well enough. Back and forth. Between past and future. One day everyone will be gone just like he is gone. Just like I am gone.

Aimsey's POV:

I was taking a walk through L'Manburg late at night. Late night walks are good for clearing your head of memories of old friends that came to unfortunate endings. I heard this almighty scream come from above me and saw a figure sat on the tnt shooters. It was Tommy. It was never going to be anyone else but Tommy. Nearly everyone else was gone at this point.

Unfortunately, I've never had a proper conversation with Tommy. But I've seen him around. I've heard of his traumatic and short life. And I know it's got worse since Wilbur left. I could have kept walking, I could have acted like I never heard that scream. But I've had one too many friends come to unfortunate endings, and I was not about to let Tommy be one of them.

And climbing up the vines was hard, and I struggled. But a struggle in order to help someone else is truly nothing at the end of the day, isn't it? "Tommy? Would it be okay if I could sit with you?" He nodded before bursting into tears.

Back and forth. Back and forth. We sat on the obsidian until the sun came out, rocking back and forth and crying and grieving and telling ourselves we weren't gone, or at least not quite yet. And until Tommy goes, I'm not leaving him. But I supposed everyone else said that too didn't they? No one ever chooses to be gone, not truly.

A/n Hey. Normally I celebrate milestones by releasing chapters and stories set in minecraft worlds. But milestones haven't felt so important recently because I realised that it didn't matter how many people we reading my story, just as long as those who were, were enjoying them. Either way, I do appreciate every milestone we've ever hit in this book or any of my others. You guys are amazing. 

This story is set in the dream smp lore, but also not. It's based after Wilbur's last lore stream, but in a world where C!Aimsey and C!Tommy have only sort of briefly heard of each other. It's a pretty angsty chapter, but I'm happy with how it turned out in the end. Let me know what you thought!

Thank you Technoblade, for being such a main part of a server that changed so many lives for the better.

(PS: Sorry for not posting here, I have loads of ideas still, just no time. Thank you for still reading stuff when it is posted. I'm going to try post here once every few weeks, but no promises! Also sorry this is so late, I know most of you won't be up when this is first posted, but thanks for just being here, means more than you realise. And remember, there will always be someone somewhere who cares, who isn't 'gone'. And if it feels like there is no one else, there is me. I'm here.)