A Gun To My Heart

3

We stop in front of my mom. Her black, shimmery dress flows elegantly through the wind. If one didn't know her, they might even think she was a royal. To strangers, she looks stunning, but to me, she looks rotten, dreadful.

Her brown wavy hair is tucked into a perfect bun. Sage and Maddox stop silently behind us while panting loud. She sneers in front of me, looking at the boys like they're some kind of hideous rats.

''Why are you here, mom?'' I ask her, and she stares at me. I can't help but wonder what she's thinking when she looks at her own daughter. Probably that I'm worthless or a failure.

She wouldn't be wrong to think that. I could never do all the things she asks me to. Never. And that's what she counts as a failure. Her own daughter is a failure. What a disappointing thing to know. What a disappointing thing to be. A failure.

''I can't walk in my own building?'' She replies cold, as her upper lip curls. Your own building.

I snicker, making her raise an eyebrow at me. The building probably thousands of poor men and women, even children built for her. A monster I call mom.

Azariella's arm touches mine very lightly, and the message is very clear. Shut up, unless you want to get beaten to death.

''I was looking for you, Maeve. We're going to Sarjia.'' Her voice is rough, sending chills all over my body. Sarjia. The city is just over the ocean. Why would she need me? Before I can ask my question, she drags me by my arm, digging her nails into my skin.

I wave goodbye to my friends, as they force their lips together. Worrying about what's about to happen.

''For once you're useful,'' she presses out in disgust. I roll my eyes as I rip my arm out of her strong grip. I look at it, and it has red marks from her long, red nails. When I was a little kid, she used to paint my nails red, too. A symbol of power, I was told.

Every time we were broadcasting on national television, we always had red painted fingernails. My dad wore a dark red suit. We walk through the dark corridor, and I snap out of my once happy memories. ''Use Sabrina. Your favorite child.''

She lets out a loud, malicious laugh. ''She has a boyfriend already.'' My posture stiffs, and I turn my gaze back to my mom. Waiting for her to tell me what she wants me to do.

''Just kill him then. I bet you would enjoy that,'' I growl watching her expression. Begging she will react. But I'm a fool. Yet again.

Her expression stays the same, not showing a single reaction. She knows what I'm trying to do. That a simple twitch in her face is what I crave. It will blow her cover, and she knows that. ''She's my daughter, I can't do that to her,'' she cackles.

I clench my jaw, as blood boils in my veins. I want to rip her apart right here, right now. She can probably feel the heat radiating off me. The heat I want to melt her skin off with. I'm your daughter too, but you treat me like shit compared to her.

As much as I want to say it to her, I don't. What would she do?

I'm sorry, Maeve.

No.

Instead, she would laugh her loathsome laugh straight in my face. Throw me on cold concrete in front of everyone. And say, ''Look at the failure I created. The failure I want to toss away like a piece of trash.''

''You have to make Aries fall in love with you.''

My heart stops, and her voice is quiet. She looks over her shoulder, in every corner of the room - making sure no one listens.

I furrow my brows, as we sit down in the car.

Buzz

The car starts to fly, and before I can open my mouth, mom speaks again.

''Calix will never agree to something his son doesn't agree to. Therefore, you need to make him fall in love with you. So, that you can convince him to do what I want to do.''

This is like my past repeating itself. She wants me to use love as a weapon. The same thing she did with dad. ''You're using me as a tool,'' I spit out angry, clenching my fists. She howls with laughter again, until she collects herself, and her face remains apathetic.

''What else are you use for.''

It wasn't a question. Nothing. I just exist. She reads my thoughts through my movements and smiles for herself. I surrender and try to focus on the buzzing from the vehicle. My eyes gaze over the city. I think it's peaceful to drive cars. You get to look over everything. For once, you're not in the chaos - but over it. Not being able to even see it.

After a peaceful moment, I see it. Sarjia. A powerful city. Filled with powerful people. Like Calix - and Aries. I remember him from the television. Silver hair. Tall. Muscular. Hazel eyes. Hazel's dead eyes.

'Make Aries fall in love with you. '

The sentence repeats itself in my head, chasing me like a tornado of glass. Waiting for me to get tired. Just so it can cut me to pieces. She knows I never would be capable of falling in love. She knows that she has shattered everything in me that has something to do with love. Love doesn't exist in my head. Not anymore.

'Make someone love you.'

'Something I never did.'