A Gun To My Heart

31

The door shuts open and heels click fast on the floor. I don't bother to glance at who it is. The only thing I feel is nails digging into my skin. My fist meets the person's face, letting a hiss escape the person's lips.

The only thing I need is to be able to breathe.

Immediately after, a burning sensation hits my cheek, sending me crashing onto the bed. I feel liquid run from my nose and wipe it away smearing it all over the bedsheets.

"Do not hit me, Maeve." Her voice is intense, making me crack my eyes wide open. The shadow coming from her figure is hovering over me, and I feel pure fear go through my whole body like an electrical shock.

"Shut up. Quit crying, " she says and slaps me once again across the cheek, now pulling my hair in a sharp motion. It stings and I continue to gasp after the air while the tears slowly stop flowing.

"Stupid kid. You can breathe just fine. Come to your worthless senses." The air gradually gets looser, allowing the invisible hands around my throat to disappear. After a while, she lets go of my hair, and I meet her eyes burning with rage.

One last time, she hits me again, and I close my eyes. Not wanting to see her face. My cheek prickles with pain as I tense my jaw. "That could ruin our plan."

I snicker.
"It was never our plan!" I shout into her face, feeling like a maniac. When the real psycho stands right in front of me. Hitting me yet again.

"Stop doing this to yourself, Maeve." She cracks her knuckles reminding me of when she used to crack innocent people's bones. Everything for practice. Everyone has a life. It's not that special.
Dreadful words coming from a dreadful woman.

I hope her death will be painful.

"Making you hit me when I speak?"

Again. Her hands hit my cheek even harder than the last time. At this point, it feels numb. Not being able to feel the pain she wants me to feel.

"Yes."

I finally shut up, exhausted again. Not moving a muscle as the warm blood runs down my nose.
"That's better."
Her words make me furious.

"There won't be a second time, do you hear me?"
I slowly nod, just wanting her out of my room. Away from me. She laughs quietly as her presence is away from me.

When the door closes I still just sit here. Letting the blood flow, but not my tears. I breathe normally, almost forgetting the suffering I went through minutes ago.
'I don't need to be saved.'

I grip the lamp on my nightstand and throw it as hard as I can on one of the windows in front of me. Both of them shatter. The lamp goes flying out of the broken window into the garden. Every worker's eye darts in my direction, shocked by the event. Shocked by seeing me.

My messy hair, with blood around my face, on my hands, and the bed. Glass pieces fall from the window, one after another one. Some continue to work like nothing happened, while others stare stunned by my action.

I stand up from the floor, walking over to the sink in my bathroom. Washing everywhere there is blood. Folding a piece of paper, trying to stop the nosebleed. I remove the bedsheet and try to remove the bloodstains. Trying to rub it off with the small useless paper in my hand.

I'm surprised no one other than mom has come to check on me. Everything pains me at this moment. Every single thing. Every thought. Simply everything. The bloodstains are removed and I put the bedsheet on again.

Standing in front of the bed, next to the broken window, staring at the wet spots on it. Where stains of my blood were. Just looking at it. My mind is empty. I'm just existing at this point.

Missing Maddox, Azariella, and Sage. Wanting to apologize to them for everything. Saying sorry for my previous actions. Tell them how much I appreciate them. Thank them for everything. Apologize for not saying goodbye. I miss them so much.

How they made me laugh. How they read me like an open book. They knew when something was wrong. They knew the cause too. I didn't need to say anything.

I even refused their help.
"I'm such an idiot."

"Yes. You are indeed an idiot, " Azia's voice announces and I see her standing in my doorway with Aries. Both of their jaws are lowered, looking stunned at the big, ruined window in front of them.

Their gaze observes me at the identical time, examining my cheek. Wondering why it is so red and sore. Not asking me, because they know I'll lie or not answer at all.
At this point, they both know something is up.

Nothing small.
Something big. Difficult. Dangerous. Harmful.

Still, they never ask. They have finally realized that no matter how much they ask or beg. The answer won't escape my mouth.