A Gun To My Heart

32

"You can't sleep in here, anymore. It would get too cold, " Aries says, still standing at the same place mindblown by everything. Asia quickly stares at him wondering what he is trying to say.

"Where is she going to sleep? She would be just fine here under the duvet."
He scowls at her shaking his head, already starting to pack out my clothes from the closet. I stay here, not moving a muscle. Not saying anything. Letting them converse about what to do next.

"No. Stop being so jealous, " he snaps back, starting to fold the clothes perfectly in a pile. Her mouth shuts as she raises her eyebrows in panic.
"It's evident that she's going to freeze to death if she stays here. You know that too."

She crosses her arms, leaning into the doorway again, not answering for a while as her eyes are fixed on me. "Where will you put her?"

He scoffs annoyed by her way of talking.
"Stop talking about her like she's an item I just move around wherever I please."
Again, he makes her shut up. If I wasn't so exhausted I would laugh. If I wasn't so out of my mind, that window would still be whole.

Nothing of this would've happened. I would spare plenty of people the work to fix it. Guilt washes over me yet again, and I rip my eyes away from them.

"Where will she have to sleep? The miserable couch in the dining room?"
I roll my eyes. That couch, and everything else you own- is something people would dream to have. Something you take for granted. You almost take everything for granted. I'm sure you wouldn't survive a day out there.

"She will sleep have to in my room."
Her whole body tenses and her brows furrows. He picks up the clothes, signaling her to help him with the other pile of clothing.

"Don't act so surprised."
Quietly, she picks up the other pile and there is disgust all over her face. As they walk out of the room I sit down on my bed. Looking out of the window once again. Every worker is now unbothered by the shattered window. Continuously working. Watering the plants and trees.

"You know she tries to deceive you, Aries." Their voice travels through the hall into my room, letting me barely hear their discussion.

"I can't let her freeze to death either. I leave her even more alone than she already is. We both see that it isn't her choice. She has left us so many signs." His voice is angry, and I can tell that he tries to control it, only to try to make Azia understand.

"Aries. Stop letting your emotions dictate over you."

They enter the room, and he's now in the bathroom, getting all my hygiene stuff. Walking out of the bathroom with his hands full, he looks at her. "Get someone in here ready to repair everything before the dawn."

The sentence almost comes out as an order. Like something strict, a leader would say.
He leaves the room again. For one second she just stands there, trying to process everything. Sneering at me before she exits the room. I follow Aries and hold my distance, trying not to step on my long dress and fall.

Focusing on each step as I get closer to his dark-colored room. The door is open, and I enter, hearing him organize everything to its place silently. When he sees me, a faint sigh escapes his lips as he closes his door carefully.

"You know I want to help you, and you know I want to ask you about what happened out there. But I won't do it, because I know the answer will be 'nothing'." His hand moves through his hair, stressed out.

"Are you comfortable sleeping here?" They land on my shoulders, sending a buzz through my whole body. I nod, and he caresses my cheek, touching the sore area. Everything in him wants to heal it magically, which won't happen.

I see the pain in his eyes. The urge to want to fix everything for me. He wants to help so badly in any way that's possible. One specific thing he can't do with this situation.

"I promise you that I'll fix this somehow."
If it was possible, I would break again. Let tears run down my face, but the tears aren't here anymore. The only thing I do is break eye contact, letting him know that it isn't achievable to fix this.

It hurts him as much as it hurts me. Perhaps, even more. To know that there is nothing he can do to help. Nothing he can do to make this wound fade faster.
Truly nothing.

He plants a delicate kiss on my forehead before heading out of the room. I sit at his desk, letting my finger trace against the cold stone.

He knows I tried to lure him, and that I succeeded. Yet, he still tries to help me. Probably questioning my care for him as well. Wondering if it all was a lie. If I cared for him at all, or if it was me pretending.

The Maeve two months ago would think that it was impossible to admire someone else in a romantic way. She would continue to do everything it took, to deceive her way into victory. Believing that the butterflies everyone dreamed about, talked about, were myths. False ideas.

Until she was the one feeling them. Sensing herself fall into this extended, confusing spiral. Knowing that it will end. Knowing that the beautiful, elegant, stunning butterflies, and the joy she suddenly received from him,
all of that will end.

It is going to leave her. Knowing that it will abandon her alone again. The single drop that brings happiness in her life. That one, drop that keeps her from suffering all the time.

She knows that one drop will eventually die off.
And as she realized that the passion she received and got was real, only to wither again. It shattered her in a way she hadn't been shattered before. In a way that isn't possible to describe. In a way that isn't possible to restore.

Since she realized it, it completely broke her.