MINE ONLY

Chapter 42. Six Month 6️⃣🍁

Isabella

"Izzy stop it!" Nathan shouted but his shouting or scolding no more faze me am beyond all of this.

Here lying on hospital bed for more than 10th time in this month. Yeah hospital bed, am fed up with my life now liam gone I don't have any hope to live anymore. Its true when someone close to your heart goes away far away, thats when you know the real value of that one person. In my case Liam was the one whom I missed so very much that I can't express it in words. He was like my life line. I have my family but.... the void that he left wont be filled easily. So I decided to end my pathetic self. But every time I tried someone will bring me back.

Dad stopped talking to me due to my suicidal behaviour. Mom tried so much to stop me from doing stupid things, but no one will able to stop me, attempting to kill myself. I can't able to share what am feeling, cant express my sorrow, now that my voice gone I cant even able to scream my agony....

" I am talking to you, are you even listening to me? ISABELLA!! " I looked at Nathan who was furious and is full on hulk mode, I looked at him and a single tear slide down my eyes. He breathed long breath and sat next to my bed, he stroked my hair and holding my hand he said.

" Izzy I know its very difficult for you to, move on. But sweetheart you have to. You cant stop living your life... I know you miss him. But please think about me think about Mom think about dad we all miss our Girl, If you want to follow Liam,then what about us, have you thought about us, how will we be able live without you hmm? Have you think about Mom who born and brought you up these many years, have you thought what will she feel looking at her child who  lost all the strength to live, do you know why Dadda stopped talking to you. Not because he is angry on you, because he is broken seeing you like this. He is punishing himself because he thinks he failed you, he failed protecting you from this heartache. Please please kiddo, try to come out of this mourning of yours. Am not saying to forget Liam but try to move on atleast..." by the time Nathan finished I was crying mess, he was right I was fool to ignore the one who are with me, my family.
I suppose to lean on them for support, they were my strongest support since my childhood still I forgot them, they use to caught me before I fall. How have I become selfish, this past six months I was so blinded by my loss of Liam, I totally neglected them. Ohh how they would be  feeling because of my stupid behaviour.

" Huhh... aaaa...aaaa.." I was crying like a baby the six months weight on my chest was burdening me so much so that I cant able express what am I feeling right now. And due to my muteness it has become more difficult for me to share how sorry am.

" Shhhhhh...... Its okay ... please calm down.... I know you are sorry, no need to say it, I can understand, we all do sweetheart. Shhhhhh stop calm down. We are there for you. OKAY COME HERE MY BABY SISTER " he hold me in his strong embrace. And take it all out which I was holding back, which made me take a stupid and utterly coward decision to end my life.

After a long half an hour Crybaby stunt of mine I was exhausted, my eyes were droopy nose was fore sure red, I was on verge of sleep, but tried to hold back.

Nathan sat beside me stroking my hairs massaging my head in middle sometimes. I pushed myself from mattress and sat.

" Do you need something? " I shake my head in no. I took hold of my phone and start typing message box

* Izzy message

I am Sorry Nauty, I was so stupid to behave like this. I lost all the hope of living my life. I felt like someone just switched off the light and pushed me in Dungeons where there was only darkness and no source of light, I felt my life is sucked out me slowly, making me suffocate Am really sorry I was so in myself that I forget to feel for you people who were with me since my birth. Am sorry to puting you all in this miserable situation.  ...Forgive me please. "

Message sent.

Nathan mobile chimed indicating my message reached. I looked towards him. He read it and a small smile graced his lips, his gaze crashed with mine he gestured me to hug him and me happily went, once again he hugged me with all his love for me.

" You don't have say sorry, we understand how it feels when you lost someone dear to you. we are with you in this. But sweetheart life must go on, we wont stop it. The person who left like in our case Liam, have ypu ever thought what he must be feeling right now seeing you like this hmm? He would be very angry. He wanted ypu to grow, please give that jumpy happy crazy Izzy back to us, will you do that ?" he looked at me with full of hope in his eyes. I just smiled at him. He smiled back and kissed my forehead. He said he will go and complete the discharge paper work, so that we will head home....

After discharge procedure.... We headed home. Just we drove towards home distance between me and home getting lesser and lesser, and on other hand my anxiety started kick in. What will my family think of me. Will they talk to me? will they cut all ties with me, due to my behaviour.?. Oh God i a messed up Big this time. They wont forgive me easily. Nathan parked in underground parking. And he helped me come out, reluctantly I followed him the moment we enter, I felt like a child enter in the school for the first time. every one was seating on round Couch, looking in our direction. Guilt over took me, and I falter in my steps, but luckily Nathan was beside me quick to stable my balance. I hold on to his upper arm. like literally cling to him. Mom was the one to jump and ran towards me,pulling me into her strong hold, the moment I kept my head on her shoulder I lost all my pretense and I cried.... Cried for Liam, cried for my behaviour, cried for ignoring them. I hiccuped mom guide me towards the couch and sat beside me.

I tried to say something but bloody hell nothing came out.... I tried again but failed. I gave a frustrated cry of agony of not able to express not able to share. I bit my knuckle. Mom took hold of my hand and stroked away strained of my hair behind my ear,

" You don't have to beat yourself my baby girl. I know how are you feeling. Nathan told everything to us and we understand baby. We are with you always we will be your support whenever you needed us. ... Don't feel burden of not able to speak, remember while you were a child growing up when you unable to construct any thing we as a parent still understood you back then. Why cant we understand now hmm. Today there so many technologies we will a find a way to bring your voice back". I gazed towards this Beautiful Lady who is luckily my Mother, I jumped into her embrace and kissed her cheeks she is so understanding and so full of life. Then and there I am determined to do anything to try to get my life on track....

No doubt Liam will always part of me..... ALWAYS.

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