The Music Freaks || Lander One Shots

🖤Just A Crush?🖤

Genre: Angst

I'd like to give a quick shoutout to izabellbee who helped come up with a lot of the plot in this one-shot ^^

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I hate this.

The guilt, I can't take it. This wasn't supposed to happen.

Poor thing, he's curled up next to me as we watch his favorite show. I needed him to be in a good mood when I tell him. I know this is gonna destroy him. *And maybe our relationship.*

He thinks he's the apple of my eye. And he is. This is my fault. I told him not to worry, I told him he was being irrational, and we were just friends. I shouldn't have said that. I should've let him keep me away from her. Because I let her in.

And then I caught feelings for her.

A tiny crush. It lasted a week, maybe two. It wasn't cheating, right? I never even dreamed about acting on anything. At first, I didn't think much of it. I just found her attractive.

And kind. And funny. And witty. And hilariously sarcastic.

I'm completely over it. That was weeks ago. The little feelings I had for her are long gone.

I love Zander. I'm engaged to Zander. I'm going to marry Zander. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with Zander. I love him, nothing could separate us... So why am I so scared to tell him?

He's understanding, we'll get through it, we'll be fine, he isn't going to leave me... Right?

I look down at him, the love of my life. I love him, that's what I need to get through his head, because I really do. I know he isn't gonna handle this well, the furthest thing from it. I love him, if he understands that, we'll be fine. But he's going to struggle to believe me, and he has reason to. I broke his trust, I caught feelings for her.

Deep breathes. I'm really trying to breathe properly, but I know for a fact my heart rate is at a dangerously fast pace.

I reach for the remote, pausing the television. I'm really doing this, there's no turning back now.

He pulls his head off my shoulder, glancing up at me with those adorable violet eyes. "Why'd you pause it?" He asks, using that gentle tone he only ever uses around me.

"Hey..." I murmur, nervously fidgeting around. "I have to tell you something."

He must notice my agitated behavior, as he reaches for my cheeks, his small, soft hands cupping my face. "What is it?" Affection from him was rare, but when he offered it to me I always took it.

I decided to soak in the moment. This is probably gonna be the last time for a while, *maybe ever*, that I hold him in my arms.

"You're not gonna take it well..." I explain, carefully pulling him closer to me. I need to cherish every moment of this embrace.

He slightly narrowed his eyes, and I could feel him tense up, bracing himself for whatever I was about to tell him. "Okay..." He cautioned.

Deep breaths...

I look away, knowing very well looking into his innocent eyes will only add to the guilt churning up inside me.

I was about to tell him, my boyfriend of 11 years, that I was disloyal. I developed feelings for another while I was in a relationship with the most loving and caring partner I could ask for. He would never dare do such a thing, because he's loyal to me, he's committed to our relationship. The thought I broke his trust breaks my heart, and I know it'll break his, too.