Halftime

chapter 20

I was spiralling.

I had barely left the house since Saturday, only leaving because Harley had forced me out for breakfast two times.

I hadn't gone for a run either, which was saying something.

I spent basically all my time inside my head, dreaming or thinking about my last relationship. Reliving everything. Falling back into my bad habits of self blame and overthinking.

My fight with Hayden definitely didn't help. It felt like I ruined everything we had between us. Every time I thought about it, I cried even harder. Which is why after the first day of staring at my phone, wishing a call or text would show up from him, I locked it away in my cupboard.

I hadn't so much as glanced at it since.

Harley had been there constantly since I'd cried to her what happened the morning after the party. She slept in my bed now, waking me up at night when I woke up from a nightmare or occasionally a night terror.

Ophelia and Jess had also been constant visitors, and whenever else someone came over, I locked myself away in my room.

It was now Wednesday and I was way too aware of the fact that tonight was Mark's welcome home party. And Hayden had to go because he was family friends with Mark.

That thought plagued me too. If Hayden was friends with Mark then did that mean he was similar to him? Did he know what Mark was really like? Did he just not care if he did? The thoughts made me sick. Deep down, I didn't believe Hayden was anything like Mark, but my mind wouldn't stop thinking that he could be.

Harley walked into my room, wearing a floor length dress, that was a deep red. It had a deep v neckline that showed off her boobs but was still somehow modest. Her hair was in loose curls down her back and she'd gone for a light makeup look, save for a bright red lip.

"Vee," she said, "seriously. I'll ditch this stupid party. I don't want to go anyway if it's to celebrate him." She spat the word out as if it was poison.

"No," I said, "you should go. It's your first date with Aiden." I tried a smile, but it came out twisted so I stopped trying.

"Yes. But I can go on another date. You are more important."

"I want you to go," I told her, "please. It's bad enough that I wake you up every night."

Harley frowned, "I don't care about that. Please don't think that."

"Harley," I said, giving her a weak smile, "honestly. Go. I'll be fine."

"We both know you are anything but fine."

I sighed, "I'm not going to be any more fine either way. You might as well go out and enjoy your night. I still know how to look after myself."

She raised a brow, "Violet, as much as I love you, sitting inside for four days is not looking after yourself."

"I can look after my physical self for a couple of hours while you are gone," I amended.

Harley sighed, "alright. Fine. But please Violet, if things get too intense, or you need a hug or literally anything, call me."

"I will."

"Promise me," she said, walking over to hold her pinky out.

"I promise I'll call if I need anything," I said, linking our pinky fingers together.

She nodded, "ok, well I need to go now. Are you sure you don't want me to stay?"

I rolled my eyes, "oh my god. Just go. Have fun. Try not to think about what a mess I am."