Halftime

chapter 45

It felt like everything was slipping out of my control.

I wasn't ok. I knew that now. But I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to do anything. All I could think about was the hurt expression on Hayden's face and the pain when Mark slapped me.

I'd left Hayden for Mark. Or at least, that's essentially what I had done. And now I was paying for it.

I was stupid to ever think Mark could change. I was stupid for even beginning to trust him. For working with him. For going to his apartment with him. For everything.

Since I left his apartment he'd spammed my phone with messages. Telling me how sorry he was and that he was expecting me at the trial. His texts weren't obvious, but they were still threatening. He mentioned my career and the influence he had over it. How advantageous it would be for me to go to the trial. I knew what he meant though. If I didn't go, he would destroy any chance I had at being a lawyer.

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone about the mess I had put myself in and I was too frightened of what Mark might do if I told someone. So I pushed everyone away and isolated myself.

And now I had no one. Again. I pushed Hayden away, I pushed Harley and Lia away. I lied to my friends. To Hayden. I pretended to be ok when I wasn't. I convinced myself into thinking I could handle things on my own but I couldn't. I was weak and useless and stupid.

I didn't even deserve tears to cry for myself. I deserved everything I was feeling now.

Dylan was clearly concerned about my mental state and I had to leave, knowing that it would either lead to another intervention or he'd be calling up everyone I knew to let them know where I was.

So I went back to the apartment and locked myself in my room. I was avoiding everyone. Harley was constantly knocking on my door, asking to speak with me. Hayden stopped by each day to try to coax me out of my room.

I knew what I was doing to them. They had no clue what was happening and I was purposely leaving them in the dark. But I didn't have energy. All I did was lie in bed with my spiralling thoughts. Everything hurt. Sleep wasn't enough anymore to escape myself.

I barely ate anything. Showering was out of the question. I forced myself to go to the bathroom each day to avoid a UTI. But other than that I was in bed. Unable to do anything.

I was drowning in myself.

Someone knocked on my door. "Violet." It was Harley, "Violet please open the door. I'm worried. Just please. This isn't good for you."

I didn't answer.

"Hayden is coming over in a bit. He's leaving for lacrosse soon. Please. If you won't talk to me, talk to him. We all love you Vee. Whatever is going on, we will support you."

I held my breath waiting until she left before releasing it. They wouldn't love me if I told them. If they knew about what I'd been lying about. None of it mattered anyway.

Like Harley said, Hayden did stop by. I knew as soon as I heard the front door open. This time was different though. Before Hayden had been careful, like everyone else. Begging and pleading for me to open the door. To talk to them.

This time he clearly gave no fucks.

"Violet," he said, "if you do not open this door right now, I am kicking it in. I don't care. This is ending right now."

I didn't move until I heard him begin to rattle the door handle and for a moment, was genuinely worried it was going to break off the door.

I dragged myself out of bed, not bothering to even attempt to hide the wrecked state I was.