Halftime

chapter 44

TW for the rest of the book !!!!!!!!

Our relationship was becoming more and more strained.

The morning after I'd snuck out of bed and left soon after. Hayden had been pissed of course, and once again tried to get me to talk to him. But every time I opened my mouth I couldn't force the confession out. 

So things had been even more tense than they already were. I wished more than anything to rewind time back when everything felt ok.

Hayden's lacrosse games were starting this weekend and his training schedule had basically doubled.

I, on the other hand, was finding it increasingly difficult to keep the Mark situation under wraps.

I was convinced I was doing fine handling it on my own. I hadn't had a panic attack in ages. And Mark seemed to be respecting me. Maybe he really had changed. It was getting easier to believe that now. Especially after our trial run lunch. 

The case was going well and I'd been learning more than I could have dreamed. The date was set for the day before Valentine's Day and I was excited. I wouldn't be speaking or anything but I'd be sitting in to hear and witness.

Working with Mark was surprisingly easy. We thought similarly and could challenge each other. I was still a bit wary of him and I still had thoughts lurking at the back of my head telling me how stupid I was being, but Mark's kindness made it harder for that voice to have any impact. Besides, I'd already promised myself I'd be done with him after the case. 

But keeping my current relationship with Mark a secret was hard. Especially when I had to give Hayden updates about my day. I didn't want to tell him. I knew he'd be disappointed and tell me something about what an idiot I was being. And then he'd tell Harley and Lia and I just didn't have time to deal with all that. All of their judgement. I could handle things on my own and I didn't need their input interfering with my own.

And then the self deprecating thoughts hit me like a fist. Because I was being a terrible person. A terrible girlfriend to Hayden, lying and withholding information. I'd already yelled at him about how I didn't need him and was fine without him. He deserves someone better. I wasn't good enough for him. I didn't deserve him. I was shocked he hadn't already left me. 

My attempt at normality was poor at best and if Hayden had guessed something was off he probably thought something was severely wrong now. My daily updates were one minute maximum and I barely spoke about work anyway. My texts were short and dry no matter how much I tried to make them seem casual and normal. I could barely stand to look at his face without hating myself for lying to him. So I'd started making more excuses about why I couldn't see him.

My phone buzzed and I picked it up reading over the message. It was from Hayden.

'Are you coming to my game this Saturday?'

Fuck. I'd totally forgotten. It was his first game of the season and I had promised ages ago to watch him play. But I'd made plans to work overtime with Mark. The trial was set for a week away and we were rushing to get everything done.

'When is it?' I typed back.

'Three'

Well shit. I felt guilt threaten to consume me. 'I don't think I can make it'

'Why?' was his immediate response.

'Work.'

'You don't work on Saturday's Violet.'

I swallowed. 'I know but I promised I would help.'

'It's a one hour game.'

"Violet," Mark said, cutting through my thoughts.