Some Sugar and Honey (Boy X Boy)

Chapter 37 - The Secret Words

That whole experience with Maddox, it was amazing. It was something I never wanted to forget, but, well, he didn't feel that way. I totally get it. It must have been embarrassing for him, to go through something like that, especially with someone like me.

After I left the nurse's office I did what I said I would do; I went to Gym... sort of. In all honesty, the whole thing made me want to cry which, really, was embarrassing. I didn't want to head to PE like that, so instead, I waited in the hall until I could calm down.

     That's another thing I hate about myself; I'm too sensitive, obviously. 

     While I sat in the hall, which actually led off from the hall to the gymnasium (so it was good for hiding in), I waited. I sat there and waited until I had cleared my head and calmed down. It was hard. I wasn't sure what I was feeling. I mean, I liked Maddox so much, I would do anything for him, anything to make him happy. The fact that I managed to kiss him, touch him, it made me so happy, it made me feel good. I wanted that memory. But Maddox would know if I kept a hold of it, it would be easy for him to figure it out. But I couldn't just pretend none of it ever happened.

     I felt my eyes sting. Out of all of the thoughts, what bothered me the most, I think, was the fact that that was basically a rejection, huh? I knew Maddox wasn't gay, I didn't have a chance, even if he was. But his reaction after it all, it just downright stung.

     I felt my breath catch in my throat. It hurt. I did my best to calm it down, to take even breaths, but it hurt so bad.

     Why? I knew he wasn't gay, I knew right from the start. I don't know what I was expecting.

     I sniffled a little; cleared my throat. I stretched out my legs since I had had them pulled up to my chest. I took in deep breaths, eyes closed as I tried to shut down all of my thoughts; just forget.

     I wasn't left in that moment of quiet for more than four seconds before a familiar voice broke my train of... err, lack of thought.

     "H-hey, Dame..."

     I flinched at the abrupt interruption, and I think I flinched once more when I saw Maddox looking at me from the corner.

     "M-mmaddox? W-what..."

     He slowly walked over to me, arms out like he was showing he was unarmed.

     "Sorry, I just... I need to talk to you, okay?" At this statement I felt myself tense up. I had known he wanted to say more, but I got up and left before he could say anything. Damn, I felt awful.

     "O-oh... yeah.... sorry-"

     "Don't be sorry, Dame. Damn, why d'you gotta apologize for everything?" he ran a hand across the back of his neck as he shifted his weight from one leg to the other.

     "Now... look. That whole thing... if you wanna keep it as a fond memory or whatever, you go ahead and do it. I can't stop ya... it's just...."

     "It's pretty embarrassing for you, right?" he looked a little surprised that I would say that, but nevertheless, he nodded.

     "It's just... it's not... something I..." he awkwardly moved his free hand as he spoke, but it didn't help him find the words he wanted any better.

     I nodded as he did this, which he seemed to think was me mocking him based on his expression.

     "L-look! None of this has anything to do with, ya know, me not liking you or anything! Not at all so... don't go thinking about that stupid stuff, ya got me?"