Some Sugar and Honey (Boy X Boy)

Chapter 4 - Honey Gold

      By the time Maddox's second absence came about, I was nearly expecting Jason to receive another text from him announcing he would be gone the next day too.  Luckily, nothing came.  I waited the day out as I had the past two weeks, blocking out everything negative as best I could and focusing on looking to the day to come.

      About halfway through the day, second Study Hall, I decided to finish my paper up as we were nearing the end of the deadline.  I got myself a laptop and pulled my paper up in a text program.  I had to type out my last two sources, print it out, and then turn them into the teacher before the end of the day.  As I was listing off my sources, Maddox's paper came to mind.  I worried about what he would do as he wasn't one for working, even more so outside of the classroom and at this point he would have no other options. 

I sighed a little as I finished typing the sources, weighing the odds of whether or not I should print it out now or later.  Eventually, I figured I could just save it for tomorrow and print it during class.  I saved my paper and logged out of the computer.  As I was shutting down I couldn't help but glance up, catching sight of Jason at the front desk.  I felt my heart stop for a moment.  After hearing everything he had said about Maddox, and just Jason himself in general, he made me uncomfortable.

      I shut the laptop down and got up to put it back in the cart.  As I did so, Jason was heading back towards me.  I wasn't sure whether he was originally intending to stop me or whether I just got in his way, but either way he decided to chat with me.

"Heeey there."  He grinned devilishly as I stopped about three feet before him.  I nodded, not sure how else I should respond.  I never really liked him, but lately, I REALLY didn't like him.  "H-hey."  I uttered quietly.  I wasn't sure how else I should reply, but out of habit, that became my default greeting.  I figured he would let me by to put my laptop back, but as I attempted to do so he moved over, blocking the way.  "Not so fast, bud." he said in a joking manner, though despite this it still came off as devilish, much like the rest of him.  

"Uhh w-what is it?"  I didn't like being the first to speak for anything, but I used all the strength I could gather to force this question out.  Jason chuckled, pushing me over, away from the carts and the desk.  "Listen up,"  he whispered just enough that I could hear without being directly next to him, which was good since I was actually a few good inches taller than him, not saying I'm the tallest in the grade as there are plenty taller than me.

"I know what you're up to."  I flinched a little, not out of some form of guilt, but out of confusion.  Quite frankly, I had no idea what he was talking about, and the seriousness he said that with made me feel a little frightful.  "W-what?"  I had to ask, I needed to know what he was accusing me of being up to.  I really didn't like drama, and if I somehow managed to become the center of any, that would be my worst nightmare come true, and that's what this was starting to seem like.

"I know what you're up to... and everyone knows what you are, fag."  I felt myself sink down a little, as if I wanted to curl up and hide.  My face heated up greatly and my heart was starting to ache.  Jason chuckled and pat my back roughly, as if he was trying to make it look like we were just good friends having a casual conversation.  He roughly pulled on my jacket, lowering me down to his height a bit.  "We know you're a huge fag for Madd,"  he spit out roughly, "we know how you're trying your fucking best to take him and guess what, pal?  You fucking fail!"  He chuckled as he tried his best to push me away.  "None of us are gay."  he spoke as plain as he could, "none of us want your dick up our asses, so leave him, and us, alone!"  He chuckled merrily as he turned, heading back to his table with the others.  

I didn't want to move, I knew everyone thought, well, knew that about me and I've constantly heard the guys in my class say things like that, but when it's said directly to my face, it feels like it hurts even worse.  

After I returned to my table, those were the only things I could think about, everything he said.  If I was really that conspicuous about my feelings towards Maddox, I began thinking, did he notice this whole time?  I sunk lower in my seat, setting my head onto my table and throwing my arms over top.  The thought began to haunt me.  I didn't want him to notice, but if he did, what all was he saying about me?  Was he saying anything?  Was he the one who told them?  My mind became overridden with these thoughts.

"Nooo..."  I uttered weakly to myself.  I didn't want to feel this way.  I knew if I kept thinking like that I would end up having a breakdown, I had to think of something better.  "Mmm he.... he..."  I tried thinking and thinking of ways to make me feel better when I caught sight of it.  Jason and the others were watching me.  That fact made my heart pain, I never talked to them before, I never interacted with them yet... they want me to feel like this... they... WANT... 

"They..."  I, then realized it.  They want me to be like this.  "Mmm..."  I sat up slightly, not enough to reveal my whole face, but enough that I could look around.  The way he worded all that, the way he spoke to me....  It dawned on me finally, that he wants me to stay away, he was trying his best... to make me feel inferior, wasn't he?  I felt my brows furrow as this all sank in.  I clenched my fists unconsciously.  With the way they talk about him, and the way he talks about them... they aren't even that close, right?  I didn't know much about friendships and all that, but those small things gave me the idea that they didn't want me to stay away because they admire him so much, but simply because they didn't like me, and didn't want me near them.  It was themselves they were concerned about, right?  I sucked in my cheek thinking all this through.  It was all because they were selfish... selfish, nasty people...

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      The very next day arrived at a slow, snail's pace.  The previous day had not gone well at all, by the time I had gotten home I was exhausted, feeling like crap, even after realizing they were just being no good rats.

      I tried my best to avoid Jason and the others as best I could at this point and hurried as fast as I could go to the classroom as not to take any chances of running into them.  As I got to my seat the words from Jason began ringing in my ears.  Maddox should be back today, and if I get too close to him, who knows what might happen.

      After a few minutes students began  filling up the room.  I watched in silence, counting off the students by name.  When Jason came by I did my best to ignore him, looking away as he did so.  A minute or two after, everyone was in, the bell rang, chatting began as usual.  Maddox wasn't here.  I refused to look over to his group but I knew they were questioning this as well.  The teacher soon began taking attendance and soon after I could hear the door opening beside me and I knew right away, Maddox finally made it.