𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬? (𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐖𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐲)

37. Sometimes we need to focus on our fake fantasy, just for a while

I needed to get my shit together and stop being weak. Not that showing when you're vulnerable is a bad thing, but I was tired of that, tired of showing it, and tired that my life was nothing but problems and discord.

After storming out of the room the day of the dance practice I was nothing more but anger itself. Sorrow turned into feverish rage. I had been through too much shit to continue to cry in the corners, I was a teenager angry at the world for making me suffer. They say that the bad things in life make you strong and I was following that word by word. Although I was still scared and paranoid I didn't show it, I didn't need for people to see me everyday as a moving corpse that walked around school for them to have pity, and they didn't even knew half of it.

I still had my friends an other things that helped me think this world was a better place and I was focusing on that, trying at least. I had a family, I had friends.

Friends. Cedric was one of them and my trauma had him pushed away. This phase of valorizing friends made me want to talk to him, make everything come back to how it was; when we annoyed eachother, and complained about rita skeeter's writing. But when I was about to fix things, after gaining the courage to do it, when I saw him in the hallways, when my voice was prepared to call his name, my mouth wouldn't move and I would turn my back away.

I would see the hurt in his eyes when sometimes our eyes would quickly and accidentally meet eachother even though I was fast to look away.

I started to hang out again with Draco. At least I had him. When things got bad and the days were annoyingly long, I'd think about how excited I was for grabbing my backpack, walk to the library and share a few laughts with him, the only moment of my day that seemed worthy.

Other than him I still spent time with George and Lee, when Fred wasn't around, which was rare. And Harry, Hermione, Angelina and Ron were always there sat on that couch near the fire, walking with me between classes and sharing the daily meals. At least I had them.

At least there were moments where the hidden sadness went away and I didn't feel alone.

The girls had taken me one morning to hogsmead with them, I had to buy that dress anywise. I finally ended up picking one that wasn't so bad and I actually felt pretty. The thing with dresses is that I liked them... on other people, so I hated them and I rarely liked to see myself in one.

As we entered the shop in our warm jackets the temperature difference was big, so after a few seconds of our bodys warming too much we hanged them and started our journey through the massive amount of dresses and tuxedos in the shop with the help of the old nice lady that worked there.

"What about you darling? What type of dresses do you like?" she asked me once the other girls had a few options already in their hands.

"Well I rarely wear a dress so I think that would be a hard question" I gave her a weak smile "but perhaps one not that extravagant and big" I told her gesturing my hands foward imitating the shape of those big gowns.

"Don't worry, I'm here to help and I already have some ideas that'll match that pretty face. Come, come!" she gestured to a corner of the room as we began looking for "the one".

Angelina was the first to sort out hers. She chose this beautiful purple tuxedo that was just her face. Hermione was a bit indecisive, she went through a blue one and a pink one, and as she was still questioning the mirror, the lady, whose name we found out to be Grace, Angelina and I still roomed every hanger to find one for me. I had given a chance to some already but I hadn't liked them.

"Hey Angie, what do you think? Blue or pink?" Hermione asked for the hundreth time. "Blue or pink?" "Blue or pink?"

"I already told you! The pink one!" Angelina responded in a smirk as she rolled her eyes playfully at the girl.