Feral Regality

Chapter - 18

Being back to the guarded city felt weird.

The detour we had taken back to visit the places where human population had been the most had taken us over two weeks and by the time we were in the last town visiting and campaigning for me, I was ready to drop and let the grounds swallow me whole and then spit me out back in the palace walls.

It was weird because I had felt nostalgic. I had felt home-sick for a place that wasn't even home.

The god had given me an intense look when I actually voiced it out one day during our travel and the expressions on his face had been such that I had never dared to bring the topic back up again.

Someone was sour.

So when we finally got back to the palace, I had high-tailed myself straight into the rooms, not even bothering to stick around for the festivities that the others were indulging themselves in, needing to see the dark, now familiar chambers. I stopped at the door, the rush in my head overwhelming.

Why was I feeling so panicked?

I sped walk out of the wing and towards the one room I knew would calm down my sprinting mind, gasping loudly the second I slumped against the inside walls of the library, the knot in my throat slowly uncoiling, making its way out and filling me with peace.

"Why do you look so shaken up?" I jumped when Adrastos appeared out from behind a large shelf of books that I knew were about political studies, my heart hammering from the heart attack he almost gave me. I shrugged, getting off the wall and walking over to a nearby seat, patting the space beside me.

He regarded me with a peculiar look for a moment before he plopped down next to me, surprising me when he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me into him. "What's wrong?" He muttered, sounding a little awkward, as if having me this close was somehow weird for him.

I thought for what might the reason for this panicked state of mine might be, choosing my words carefully as I spoke next. "Too much. Last year I was a mere clueless soldier, now I am an 'about to be general' to the god that almost killed me more times than I can count." I laughed at the end at how comical the situation was, smiling when I felt him chuckle, my head shaking because of the vibrations of his shoulders moving me.

"Do you not wish to be?" I shook my head to say no, that I did actually wish to be a part of this grand madness that the dark lord seems to think is a good idea. "It's nothing of that sort. I do. It sounds... do I dare say exciting? I just feel overwhelmed. I thought that when his majesty decided to take a detour and look around the towns and introduce me to the people I was supposed to be working for would help but it's just so overwhelming. So many people, so many lives would look up to me for justice."

"Does that scare you?" This time my shake of head was firmer.

"No. If I'm doing something I will give it my all. The worry is whether it would be enough or not." He shrugged, mindlessly picking at the fabric of the overcoat he had on, seeming deep in thought so I let him be, drifting more into the chaos that was my mind, trying to sort things out.

He did not speak a word for over thirty minutes. And I appreciated every single second of it.

I just needed a silent companion to have by me while I worked shit out on my own.

I straightened up, feeling a lot better than I did before I came in here. "Don't worry about messing up. We all do it. That idiot of a god that I call my best friend has made countless mistakes to get where he is. But look at him now. It's okay to feel overwhelmed, I understand. You have no idea how horribly terrified I was in the first few years of me being second in command of an empire of the mighty, rebellious, foolish god. Just remember to stop and think. You will be alright. We will make sure of that. Cassius will make sure of that."