Somebody That I Used To Know

Final Words

Tom walks down the rows of gravestones, his shoes crushing the grass beneath them.

He stops in front of the grave and sighs. "Well... this is it. I'm here. I need to talk to you and I hope that you can hear it, wherever you are. I'm not sure if I believe in Heaven anymore but I know you're not there. I just got out of the hospital after being there for a month. My uh... my heart stopped because my body was too weak to function. I've struggled with bulimia since you took me five years ago but it got worse after our... agreement. You know what, no, it wasn't an agreement, I can't call it that anymore. It was blackmail. After you blackmailed me, forced me to drink alcohol while you drugged me, I started making myself throw up because I felt so disgusted with myself that I felt like I didn't deserve food. You got what you wanted, congratulations."

Tom kneels down and looks at the grave store. "But you know what, you're not controlling me anymore, I won't let you. I can't let you. You've been a thumb squishing me down like a bug for years. Even in death, you've been controlling me. You control my mind, my relationships, my emotions, hell, there are clothes I won't wear anymore because I wore them when I came to visit you. You did so much to hurt me, not just physically. I know you wanted to leave effects, to ruin my life. That's not the behavior for someone who loves you. I don't know what kind of love you thought that was but it clearly wasn't true. You messed with my mind so much that I thought I didn't like women because I needed something to justify why I would let you do those things to me. I figured there was another explanation, something I didn't know yet. Well then I figured it out, it's because I love my family. I love my wife and my daughter and the thought of you hurting them made everything worth it. I thought it wouldn't effect me mentally anymore because I was so used to it but it did. I guess the main problem there is that no one should ever get used to someone hurting them like that. No one should ever experience it but to tell yourself that it's fine because of how many times it's happened to you, how it hurts less and less each time, that you're going to be okay."

The wind blows through the trees, whistling through Tom's ears. "I wasn't okay. I lost my job, my family, myself because of you. I know you're proud. You're so happy that you've hurt someone that horribly that they lost who they are. You did what you wanted to do and you ruined my life. You had me in a wheelchair for two months because you broke my pelvis after I refused to acknowledge you because of what you'd done to me earlier that day. Then when I physically couldn't move because you shattered a vital bone... you had to... no, you didn't have to, you chose to find other horrific ways of hurting me. I'll never understand  how you were brought joy by harming someone. I don't understand how you could possibly be aroused by someone's pain at such at a horrific extent. The fact you have that capacity in you is terrifying. I'll never forget what you did to me, that can never go away, but I need to move on. I'm letting you go. You're not controlling me anymore, you're done. I'm free."

Tom feels a tear run down his face. "I'm free from you. You can't hurt me anymore. You're done controlling my life. I don't want to live like this anymore. I've wasted so much time being hung up and what you did to me that it overcame me, I became obsessed with it. I sat there and kept scrolling through the pictures you took of me because I wanted to be ashamed, I wanted to punish myself for letting that happen to me. I hated who I was. I hated everything about me and I didn't care about my life. It could fall to shit and I wouldn't care because I was so caught up in you. I'm not letting that happen anymore. I don't regret killing you. I did for longest time and... hell, I still do, but I can't. That's going to be over soon. I did what I had to do to survive and I can't put myself through this any longer. I'm releasing you."

Tom feels a weight lifted off of his shoulders and looks down the row at a woman holding flowers.

The women's eyes widen as she see him, slowly walking down the row.

"Excuse me?" she gently asks.

"Yes?" Tom replies, confused.

"Are you Tom by any chance?"

"Yes."

The woman's eyes fill with tears. "I'm so sorry," she sobs and brings him into an embrace.

Tom freezes at first but slowly melts and hesitantly asks, "Are you Mrs. West?"

"Lenore." The woman whispers and exists the embrace. "Call me Lenore and please forgive me for grabbing you like that, I just... I-"

"It's alright."

"I... I didn't raise him like that, dear. I swear, he was a good boy, did great in school, was always kind and respectful and-" Lenore starts to sob into her hands. "Oh, you probably think I'm a horrible person for bringing flowers. I'm sorry, Tom, but he... he'll always be my baby."

"You don't have to apologise to me for anything. This is your son's grave, I'm the one who should apologize for being here."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I had to... get some stuff of my chest."

"How can I repay you? What can I do to recompense for what he did? I'm so ashamed."

"It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."

"He's my son. I didn't raise him to be like this."

"Of course you didn't. Lenore, you don't have to apologise for anything. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Maybe we went wrong. When he told us that he... didn't like women, we weren't happy about it, we didn't understand. I feel like if we were better about it he wouldn't have done this."

"That's not why he did it. It was who he was, not who he liked."

"I know that, I know but maybe we drove him over the edge."

"Matt told me what happened, it was twenty years ago. He wasn't still upset about it."

"My husband never spoke to him again." Lenore cries. "I did, of course, it took awhile but I came around. My husband never did."

"And that's not your fault either. Matt was just deep down a very sick person. There was something mentally wrong with him that caused him to do these things to me. But he wasn't alone, there were other people who were with him the first time."

"That doesn't make it okay."

"No but he's not only to blame."

"Matt boasted about it. Not to me of course, but I heard it. He was happy about what he did. I don't understand it."

"Me either but like I said, it wasn't just him. All the others did it too. Hell, Jason was married with kids. I can't imagine how hard this was for them."

"I know. I'm just so sorry for what he did to you."

"You're a good woman, Lenore." Tom smiles. "Please don't let this bother you."

"It's been bothering me for six years, expect this time it's worse because the last thing he did wasn't with a group. He stopped you in the middle of the forest while you were driving and he took you because he was... a sick human being."

"I'm over it now, Lenore, you should be too."

"A mother can never get over knowing what their child to someone. No matter what you say to me, it's partly my fault."

Tom hugs Lenore and smiles. "I have to go. Take care of yourself, please."

"You too, honey."

*