prompt: coming out to natasha as nonbinary
note: totally meant to write this months ago, but whateverrrr. and yes, i am aware that not all nb people use they/them, this was just my own little work :p.
warnings: being scared to come out to ur sexy redhead russian of a gf :[
. . .
you'd come out to two of your close friends, ones you knew wouldn't judge you. they'd taken it just as expected, but that was no surprise when you'd known them your entire life. your shared opinions and thoughts were what brought you together in the first place.
your friends immediately began using your correct pronouns, and you'd never felt more right in your life. it was refreshing to hear yourself being referred by they/them rather than she/her. their constant support made you feel normal again. after so much struggling, things were finally being put into place.
but there was one person, one very important person whom you hadn't come out to yet, and that was your girlfriend.
natasha.
the thought of having the conversation alone with her was terrifying. granted, you knew she'd never be anything but supportive, but all the what if's came flooding through with each attempt you made.
your fingers trembled as you fiddled with the silver chain around your neck, a nervous habit you'd seemed to form over the years of wearing it.
god you wanted to tell her so bad.
but as you stood in the kitchen, natasha's hands around your waist, you began to panic all over again. the familiar fear of judgment wrapped around your throat.
you didn't know natasha the majority of your life like you did with friends, so you weren't really sure what her exact opinions on different pronouns were. sure, she was part of the lgbt community, and of course she was supportive of trans people, but it still made you wonder how she'd feel about pronouns that weren't he/him or she/her.
"what's on your mind, baby? i can practically hear the gears turning in your head."
you sighed. natasha always knew when you were lying, so you couldn't make something up off the top of your head. she wouldn't force you to talk either though. she'd give a push, but nothing more until you were certain you were ready — or in some cases, when she knew it was becoming too much to bear on your own.
"just dumb stuff. i'll get over it soon."
natasha nodded against your back, containing her concern for now. "you know i'm here." she whispered, taking one of your hands away from your necklace.
"want to go downtown? we can look at some of the new shops that just opened up"
you smiled, "sure."
for the next few weeks, you weren't seeming to find any relief though, and natasha picked up on it. she tried her best to make things easier for you, but none of it seemed to work.
time and time again you reassured her that nothing was wrong, that things would clear up on their own, but another month down the road and natasha could still sense that something was eating away at you.
it'd gotten a little more obvious now. you didn't go out as much with her when she was with her friends. the constant referral to you as something, or someone, you weren't was a steady reminder of how outcast you'd originally felt when coming to terms with who you are.
"she/her" felt like a slap in the face every time you heard it. the words were exhausting, damn near agonizing to hear. but day after day you tried to suck it up out of fear of being rejected by one of the very special people you loved most.
it wasn't until one sunday night when natasha came home to you crying in your shared bed when she'd finally had enough. her worry was through the roof and seeing you struggle so much pained her.
she dropped her keys on the nightstand and crawled into bed behind you, securing her arms tightly around your figure.
"talk to me. whatever it is, i want to hear about it."
but that only made you cry harder. you couldn't help but feel more alienated than you already felt. why were you crying over such a stupid little thing? you could already hear the false words slip from natasha's lips.
"hey, baby. shh, shh, you're okay."
you turned your body to face natasha, teary eyes looking into hers. "you might hate me, or think i'm weird, or a freak, or that i'm just confused."
your girlfriend gently combed through your hair with her nails. "i could never think those things about you. please tell me what this is about because i have no idea and i just want to help."
her steady hand movement rubbing your arm while the other twirled your hand between her fingertips eventually brought you to a more reasonable state.
"you know how trans people typically go by their opposing pronouns?"
"mhm."
"well... i don't- i just- god this is so frustrating!" you frowned, unconsciously grasping at the chain around your neck.
"are you trying to tell me you're trans?"
"no, no, it's not that. well, i don't think so, depends on who you talk to. some people like me consider themselves to be classified under the trans umbrella, but not everyone."
natasha hummed once more while tracing small shapes against your skin.
"what do you think of nonbinary people? like, you know, those who don't use she/her or he/him?"
she shrugged, and your heart sank for a brief second before she spoke. "i don't have a problem with it. why?"
"i don't like being referred to as she/her. my pronouns are they/them. i'm not a man and i'm not a woman... will that ever bother you?"
a smile broke out across the redhead's face. "doesn't bother me one single bit. i love you for you, y/n. not for who you think you're supposed to be."
relief was all you could feel. as cliche as it sounded, the weight of the world felt like it had been lifted from your shoulders. you didn't have to worry anymore, not while natasha was around.
"is this what's been bothering you for so long?"
you reached over and grabbed a loose red strand, it was your turn to play with her hair. "yeah. i knew you wouldn't judge, but-"
"what if." she confirmed and you nodded.
"does anyone else know?"
"just my two friends i grew up with."
"no one else?" you shook your head, looping a red curl around your finger. "nope."
"is that why you stopped hanging out with me, tony, clint and the rest of them? because everyone referred to you as she and her?"
"yeah, felt like a punch in the stomach every time i heard it. made me feel weird, not normal i guess." you mumbled, almost embarrassed by the confession.
natasha placed a long kiss on the top of your head, rubbing your back for extra support. "they would never judge you, i'd cut them off in a heartbeat if they did. if it helps any, i can ask how they feel about it? poke around some and let you know what they say? then when they don't have a problem with it, which they won't, you can come out when you're ready, yeah?"
you nodded again, although it was slightly hesitant. "sounds good."
"forgive me if i mess up a couple of times. i'll try not to make a big deal out of it and just correct myself." another kiss was delivered to your head.
"oh! last question. promise."
"yes?"
"when im around other people and you're not with me do you want me to use they/them? i don't want to out you when you're not ready."
"i swear you're perfect," you giggled. "but you can use they/them both when im with you and when i'm not. just try to keep it casual? please?"
"anything for you, sweetheart."
