warnings: talks of alcoholism and trauma
note: this is a vent fic coming from personal experience so yeah :p
+ 2 fics one day?? crazyyy
. . .
you were never fond of parties. they were always too loud, too crowded, too unpredictable – especially when there was a large amount of alcohol involved. it wasn't so much that people were drinking, but how they began to act after drinking too much.
if it were up to you, you would've been locked in your room watching tv for the rest of the night, but tony harassed you all week about coming to the party until you finally agreed.
the music was loud, almost everyone was drunk, and you were far from having any kind of fun. you felt awkward, out of place. so instead of trying to socialize, you found yourself standing at the back of the room with a cup of water in your hands.
memories of your mother drunk and unstable were reeling over and over again in your mind. no matter how much you tried to focus on something else, teenage trauma began to seep through into your thought process.
all of a sudden you remembered how you were forced to be the parent instead of the child, how you had to fend for yourself a great deal of time, the selfishness of your mother every time she chose to drink instead of being sober enough to protect you.
"y/n?" natasha's voice snapped you from your thoughts and you quickly plastered a smile on your face.
"hello nat."
"you alright?" she asked curiously.
"yeah, of course i am. i'm at a party hosted by tony stark himself." natasha giggled, taking a sip of her drink.
"they can be a little much at times."
you nodded in agreement. the two of you stood in silence before you decided to leave.
"well i'm a little tired, so i'm off to bed. i'll see you tomorrow."
it was clear you were lying, but natasha didn't want to push the matter. so she figured she'd wait up and keep an unknowing eye on you.
"good night y/n."
. . .
you found yourself surrounded by the crisp new york wind on the roof of the tower. everything felt more at peace in contrast to the party. nothing was too loud, you had a nice view of the city, and you were alone. it almost allowed you to catch your breath.
"you're going to get sick if you stay out here much longer. it's cold and you've been up here for about twenty minutes now." natasha's voice rang through your ears. "i'm okay nat, it's not too bad." not a few seconds later you felt a jacket drape over your frame.
"may i sit?" you nodded and watched natasha place herself comfortably by your side. she said nothing, only taking in the new york view herself.
it was comforting, natasha was comforting. you could trust her with anything, no matter how bad it may be. she was like a warm blanket of security.
"she wasn't bad, you know," you began. natasha tilted her head. "who?"
"my mom." there was a pause between your next choice of words. one natasha knew too well. you were debating, debating on whether or not you should continue sharing such a vulnerable piece of your being.
"she was never violent or anything when she was drunk. she never yelled or screamed at me. but she was clumsy, very, very clumsy..." you trailed.
"i feel like i have no reason to complain or call it traumatic because it doesn't sound traumatic when i say it out loud. people have it so much worse, you know? so why do i feel so horrible about it? i mean, yeah, there were days, weeks, months where i had to take care of her because of how drunk she was, or because she fell and couldn't get up. and yes, i was a kid, and i know it wasn't normal, but it could've been worse."
natasha adjusted herself to face you. she cupped your chin in her hands to look into your eyes. "you have every reason to feel the way you do. no kid should ever have to go through that. it doesn't matter that other people have it worse than that. she was supposed to be the parent, not you. you were a child."
"i know, but still-"
"don't do that to yourself," she cut you off.
you closed your eyes, leaning into her. "i just feel so stupid and normally it doesn't affect me like this, but the party... being surrounded by so much alcohol and so many people drinking alcohol just reminded me of my mother."
"it's not stupid, please don't let yourself hang onto those kinds of thoughts. besides, what made you go this time? i know you normally don't attend these kinds of things."
"tony wouldn't leave me alone about it all week."
"well that's the last time he'll ever do that." natasha confirmed, adding a smile to her face as she rubbed your cheek.
"let's go in and get you all warmed up, okay?"
"mkay."
you followed natasha all the way up to her room. confused, you stopped in your tracks.
"this isn't my room?"
"take your pick, your room or my room. either way i'm not leaving you alone tonight." your face softened before you felt a familiar warmth in your cheeks.
"your room please."
natasha smirked as she opened her door. "any particular reason?"
"i like the way you smell."
"oh?" she raised her eyebrow.
"sorry, i know that sounds weird-"
"no, it sounds adorable." natasha corrected, dragging you into her room. "you can change into these, don't worry about returning them."
"thank you nat."
. .
you spent the rest of the night with your head on natasha's chest, her arms wrapped around your frame. the memories of your mother were put to rest for the remainder of the night. you chose to focus on natasha and how beautiful she looked in the moonlight.
and then you had the realization that she was your home.
