Azriel | Lux Ex Tenebris ✓

Chapter 12: Not Good Enough

- a few days later -

✦Azriel POV✦

I poured myself a glass of water, bracing one hand on the kitchen counter.
"Good evening Azriel!" I suddenly heard a voice behind me before arms snuck around me. I melted into the touch, into her touch. Her hands roamed over my chest and I leaned my head back. "I missed you!" I told her, before turning around to look into her face. Her eyes were red like she had cried and I immediately reached a hand forward to touch her face. "What is wrong?" She shook her head and I leaned forward to kiss her. My lips moved in sync with hers, my hands roamed her body and I heard soft gasps escape her mouth before she stepped back. "I love another, Azriel!" she stated, coldly and I looked at her in shock. "Me!" a male voice appeared behind her. Fillias.
He started kissing her, kissing her shoulders while his hands ran over her bare skin. The Autumn Court male pulled down the straps of her dress, kissing her more forcefully. She cried but she obeyed. She let it happen to her. His hands all over her, grabbing her tightly and roaming around her body. Her ass, her hips, breasts, waist, neck. He kissed her more harshly and—

And once again I sat straight in bed, running my hands over my face. Sweat had built up on my forehead, cold sweat erupted on my neck and my bedsheets felt damp. Now that she was here and safe I thought the nightmares would stop, but I was wrong. Completely wrong. Fuck.
They did not stop, of course not. They still haunted me. Sometimes I just dreamt about her, something positive, very positive, but mostly it was something negative and agonisingly painful.

I leaned back onto the headboard, hearing a light thump when my head touched the wood. Damp strands of hair toppled over my forehead and I moved my hand through my hair, brushing them back.

In the past days it had been weird, I had thought the bond had snapped but lately it was just strange, odd and confusing.

Maybe I was suppressing it or similar, but it definitely felt different. I did not feel her anymore. Not like I used to. Not like I had felt her when she had been away. Nowadays it felt more distant, although my shadows still went crazy when she just smiled or was close. But she felt further away. Maybe she was suppressing it? Maybe I had understood something wrong and the bond had never snapped?

But why had I felt her then, when she was gone? Why had I felt and seen her pain? How could I find her? How had it been possible to find her without the bond? There had something been somehting between us, but where was it now?

I decided to go flying, a long flight to just get my mind of. What would she even do with me? She was so kind and pure and after all I was just an...Illyrian male, a brute, torturing people for a living.

When I returned, sweat gleaming on my forehead and my hair a damp mess on my head, Cassian was already awake. He gave me an amused look when I stormed into the house, no sight of Nesta.

"Sparring? Now?" I breathed out and he dipped his chin, chuckling. My shadows informed me that the bastard was amused about my demeanour. He pushed his plate back, slowly got up and tilted his head upwards, signalling me to already head up to the pitch.

"Females, huh?" he laughed when we stood opposite to each other on the training pitch. The early morning sun fell on us and a cool breeze blew over the pitch. It wasn't to cold outside, perfect weather for sparring actually, just a few clouds on the sky and no sign of rain.

I nodded, clearing my throat and rolling my shoulders back before taking a step forward. We sparred for quite some time before we took a break to drink something. I let myself fall onto the ground, craning my neck and rolling my shoulders back again, bones cracking with the movement. These awful nightmares caused me bad neck and back aches.