Azriel | Lux Ex Tenebris ✓

Chapter 9: The City of Starlight

✧Misma POV✧

I sat in front of the mirror in our room and brushed through my hair, looking at my own reflection.

Pale, I was so pale.

I had never been tanned while living in the Hewn City. I think my skin wasn't even capable of doing that. I continued staring at my own reflection while I brushed down to the ends and then continued again from the top. Again and again.

"You should join us today? You would get out a bit and it will just be Azriel, Nesta, Cassian and I? Maybe Mor and Emerie later. But I do of course also understand if you don't want to," Gwyn told me while stepping out of the bathroom. I looked at her, deliberating. Her offer was so kind. She had been nothing but kind to me and I couldn't be more thankful. But going out?

Three weeks.

It had been three weeks now.

Three weeks of me staying solely in here. Here I was safe, here I felt protected and also somehow happy. I'd been reading and reading and reading, sometimes knitting and then going back to reading and helping the priestesses with their work. I had everything I needed here and also a friend, Gwyn. The first friend I ever had in my life (when I did not count my sister). Gwyn had been there for me all the time, mostly just left for a few hours every day.

I had joined Gwyn many times for service. It was amazing. So impressive and their voices sounded like angels. I had never heard anything that beautiful, or seen anything so amazing. It helped me heal and I felt good there, joining those services. The music lulled me into something like peace and comfort, letting me find rest and serenity.

Gwyn had also introduced me to the Valkyrie breathing-techniques. Sometimes we would just lie on the ground for hours, eyes closed and our focus solely on breathing and feeling our body. This also made up a huge part of my healing. Gwyn helped me a lot. I almost immediately had to cry when only thinking of how kind she was to me, how much she helped me and how little of all of this I actually deserved.

Most of the memories did not come back. I did not know if that was actually good, but for the time being I was happy that I did not remember that much of what has happened in that night. That night three weeks ago.

"Hm," I murmered, looking at her and an encouraging smile appeared on her face. "Maybe it really is not such a bad idea. If it is okay of course? I don't want to be a burden or annoy your Inner Circle family with my presence?"  She shook her head, furrowing her brows.

"Mother, sometimes you really are insufferable. Of course not, you would never be a burden and you are my friend, so it is perfectly fine. All of us are happy if you join!"

She beamed, approaching me and I looked at her with big eyes. "I still don't know how I deserve this! I am so undeserving of your kindness," I huffed and she chuckled, shaking her head again while hugging me. "Gods, no, you are not!"

But she was right. I really needed to get out a bit. I could not let them win and spend the rest of my immortal life in hiding. I had to find a way back into life, find a way to become happy. I trusted them, all of them and what could possibly go wrong?

And I was also looking forward to see Azriel again, of course. It would be lie to say that my heart did not skip a beat everytime Gwyn mentioned his name. I thought about him a lot, the feeling, was still there, although I had probably imagined the whole bond thing and it had never snapped for him. I still could feel him, although the feeling seemed a bit weaker.

"Here, it is warm outside, put that on and we are good to go," Gwyn told me, throwing a pair of leggings and a light summer blouse at me.
"Oh, thank you. I honestly had no idea about the weather from always being down here."
"Yeah yeah, I know. I got you," she beamed and I quickly got dressed and put my hair into a milkmaid braid so that it was out of the way.