Bullet With Butterfly Wings

honesty in the name of hansol

Yahoo was not in our room when I arrived. I took off my jacket, a hand going to rub between my eyes. I could feel a migraine coming. After a long shower, I slid under the covers and was about to drift into slumber land when the door opened and Hansol walked in.

I blinked, Hansol jerking his head at me.

"What?" I asked, Hansol sighing. I sat up. It was weird that he simply entered the room without any permission. "What's going on?"

"Heard you kissed Jung Jaehyun," he said and I relaxed. He did not sound accusing nor did he sound salty about it. He shouldn't. I was my own person and Hansol knew that. "Does that mean I don't stand a chance?"

"Yes," I answered and he chuckled. I dropped down to the ground and massaged my neck. "Are you here to ask me about that? It wasn't exactly done in private."

"Oh, Nabi," Hansol said, taking a seat beside me. If he did not sound accusing before, he sounded sad now. "The things I would do to keep you with me."

I turned to see him deep in thought.

"What does that mean?" I asked and he shrugged.

"Just a lot of regret," he said softly, looking up and going to massage my shoulders for me. "Where does it hurt?"

I pointed at the knot on my shoulder and he massaged my shoulder for a while, both of us staying silent when I felt a weight on the back of my neck. Hansol had pressed his face against my neck and I knew that it bothered him.

"Hansol..."

"I know, Nabi. You've always been honest about what you feel. Doesn't exactly make it easier for me, does it?" he asked and his words came out strangled. I felt bad for him but I knew it wasn't my fault.

"I'm sorry."

"Mhm," Hansol murmured before he let go. I saw him rest his arms on his knees. "Yena told me she wants to take revenge on Jaehyun. She asked me if I was in with her."

I processed the information, studying Hansol's face.

"What did you say?"

"I said I was." He smiled. "How could I not be when the girl I'm in love with is taken away from me?"

"Did you mean it?"

He shook his head without hesitation and I smiled at him.

"I may be selfish but I've learned to not bring anyone down just for my sake."

"You've grown," I complimented and he made a face at my words. "What is she thinking of doing?"

"She said she'd make Jaehyun regret what he did. God knows what that meant."

"You did not ask her?"

"She told me to wait and see."

I chewed on my lower lip. "Thank you for telling me, Hansol."

"I love you, Nabi," he blurted and I knew he meant it. "I know my words may not hold meaning I just want you to know that I do... in case you change your mind, you know?"

"I never change my mind, Hansol, you know that." I wrapped a hand on his shoulders and squeezed him against me. We sat there, rocking each other back and forth. "I love you, too. You're still my best friend."

"I don't want to be," he mumbled. "But if it's Jung Jaehyun for you then it is Jung Jaehyun for you."

I didn't say anything. I knew I was the source of his pain so I couldn't do much to comfort him.

"I'm not going to make it easy for him," he told me. "You deserve someone who is going to fight for you and I deserve to be given a losing chance."

"You do you."

I should not have said that for the following days to come would be filled with both Hansol and Jaehyun fighting over every chance to get me to pay attention to them. The first day following both confessions, I exited my room to see that both of them were waiting for me for my morning run.

"I don't like that he thinks he can follow you around whenever he wants," Jaehyun said to me, pulling me to the side.

"I don't like that he thinks that he's any different," Hansol pointed out when I told him what Jaehyun said.

On some occasions, I would see Yena glaring at me and I knew that she was plotting something. We'd cross that bridge once we got there, I tried to tell myself but the settling feeling of dread was hard to ignore.

It became so bad that I began to hide from both Jaehyun and Hansol. I left earlier, creeping down the hallways to head to class. Jeno knew what was happening, the male finding humor in the situation.

"Noona?" he asked one day and I whipped my head around. "Nabi noona?"

"Uh... Jeno," I whispered, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards me to hide behind me. "Are they around?"

"Who?"

"Hansol and Jaehyun," I told him and Jeno frowned, looking over my shoulder and nodding. I squeaked, stepping away and positioning him so he shielded me. "They are? What are they doing? Are they heading over?"

I looked up to see that he was amused, the male shaking his head.

"They aren't heading over?"

"They aren't around. I was kidding."

"Jeno!"

"Sorry, noona. But honestly, what's wrong with you and the other two?"

"What do you mean what's wrong? I'm inundated by the attention. Overwhelmed."

"Just tell them to stop."

"Have you ever stopped doing something you wanted to do just because someone told you to?"

"Fair enough," Jeno said before his eyes widened. "Down."

I ducked, Jeno pushing me behind a pillar.

"Can I hide in your room?" I asked Jeno, the male giving me a sympathetic glance before he nodded.

"Let's go, noona. Did you even eat yet?"

"No. Thanks, Jeno."

Jeno chuckled, both of us running towards the male dorms so I could cash in a few more moments of peace.

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