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Chapter 52

im not gonna meet u unless its in public, I had written and now I was sitting here in that stupid, expensive looking cafe, tapping my foot on the floor nervously and glancing at my phone every few seconds. I hate this situation, I thought and I wanted to do everything so I would never be in this situation again. Today was for good.

Blair was wearing a coat and looked as calm as ever, but his hair wasn't as perfect as always. Maybe he had been on a 'date'. He looked around the cafe and I waved at him. He sat next to me and took off his coat and scarf. 

„I'm glad you could overcome yourself," he said and waved at a waiter. „One cappuccino, please." Then he looked at me and asked if I want something. I shook my head. „So," Blair started and leaned a little forward, his forearms on the table. „What made you change your mind?"

„You said you didn't lay a finger on him since he's impotent."

„That's correct."

„Why?" I tried to read his face first to see if he knew. Then I just said it. „You know that Felix and I made out, right?"

„That's what I feared," he sighed. „I never had a problem that you were hanging out with Felix. And that he kept talking about you. The only thing I wanted to prevent was that you touch him."

„Yes. I remember that."

„Then why did you do it?"

„It's him who started it. No, actually, it was both of us. Not like he can't have fun just because he can't get hard."

„Of course you would think that." Blair stopped talking for a moment when the waiter brought him his coffee. „You only know him for a few weeks." He took a sip, then put down the cup. „You don't know how he really is. Felix would do anything for someone else's pleasure even if he wouldn't have fun doing it. You know, that was actually why he even visited you. I told him how messy you are."

„Oh come on..."

„You must know by now that Felix and I talk about everything. Not like we talked bad about you. We just got on the subject. And he said before that he wanted to meet you again some day so I gave him a reason."

„But he didn't tell you we kissed?"

„Because you got angry when he told me about your brother."

„You used it against me. When I was only asking how Felix was."

„Are we talking about this situation now?" he suddenly said a little louder. „You know why I did that, Oscar? You distracted me at work while I clearly said I don't want that now. Do you know that I had a patient in that moment?"

I lowered my eyes. But I had to admit that I made a mistake too. „I'm sorry..."

„What's that about your brother?" he asked and leaned back in his seat, I could feel his eyes on me, like he was watching my reaction. I pressed my lips together. „I didn't expect you to react like this. Why are you freaking out when I only mentioned him? Did he abuse you?"

I raised my head in shock. „H-How..."

„Not hard to figure out after you freaked out last week and thought I raped Felix. And I happen to know that you're disgusted of the male genitalia."

„I'm not... God..." I looked around. Got sure no one listened. No one cared. „Don't say that."

„Did you report it?"

„No."

„Why?"

I folded my hands over my mouth and thought for a moment. I don't know why I suddenly trusted him so much, but I can remember feeling a sense of hope for recovery. I didn't look him in the eyes. „He didn't... rape me. He just... made me touch him. Usually."

„Have you been to the police?"

„It's not enough for a report." I started tapping my foot again under the table. „I mean, it wasn't when I went there. He didn't really use violence at first. I could have said no."

„Did you say no?" I shook my head. „Why?"

„I was just a kid. I though I had to listen to him since he was older."

He let out a long breath. „That's bad." I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I was so ashamed. „Did you tell your parents?"

„When I told my mother he twisted the whole situation. He said I wanted to touch him. And my brother was that perfect son while I was just a kid with bad grades in school. My mother believed him."

„Your father?" I didn't answer anymore. I felt the lump in my throat. That was my limit. I couldn't say more. I just shook my head. I had been scared David would have done the same with my father. I didn't want to lose my father too. My father shouldn't think that I was a hopeless child like my mother did.

„I'm so sorry, Oscar." I looked at him and tried to pull myself together. It was the first time someone really took this situation serious, not belittling it and saying I made a drama out of nothing. Shit... I hurried to wipe the tear away, hoping he didn't see it. „But you're safe now? He can't reach you anymore?"

I swallowed the lump but my voice still sounded broken. „He's doing the same to my sister now."

„Maddie?" I nodded. „God... Did you tell her to say no?" Another nod. „Then you could go to the police again." I hesitated. „You don't want to?"

„I'm not ready to go back there."

Blair thought for a second. „Want me to come with you?"

I laughed a little. „I'm not a kid anymore. I can do that myself."

„Okay." He nodded slowly. Took a deep breath. He was thinking. „Let me tell you something Felix's therapist told me." I met his gaze, unsure. „It's always better to talk openly about something."

„That sounds easier than it is."

„Of course it's hard. But it also makes it harder for people to hurt you."

„How?"

„Talk about what he's doing," Blair said in a firm voice. „Make him realize that what he's doing is not a small, unimportant matter. You don't want him to think that it's something simple that he'll get away with over and over again. Or that it's acceptable."

„If I'd have said something he'd have done something worse."

„I think that's what most people fear. But if you show him that you aren't afraid to yell out what he's doing, maybe he'll step back." I nodded slowly. That made sense. „Don't be scared," Blair added, his voice soft. „You're not a weak kid anymore."