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Chapter 53

The cigarette was refreshing after just talking about something emotional. I stood in front of this cafe after our conversation while Blair paid his bill. As he walked out the door, he put on his coat and stopped next to me.

„Is Felix already at work?" I asked, blowing out the smoke of my cigarette. I couldn't remember the times he worked.

Blair wrapped the scarf around his neck and looked at me. And I wished for a second I could take back what I just said, remembering how he said last time, I never want to hear his name out of your mouth again and then hit me. „You can visit him at work."

I raised a brow. „What?" I asked. „Seriously?"

„He would surely be happy."

„What, so I can't disturb you at work but Felix is okay?"

Blair reacted more calmly than I expected. „It's not that strict there. He only plays and talks to the children, takes care of them a bit. He has no fixed tasks."

„And you are okay with that?"

„I told you, Oscar. I'm okay with you meeting him, as long as you keep your fingers with you."

„Don't you think that's unfair?" I took the risk to ask and blew out the steam of my cigarette again. „Fucking around while you forbid your boyfriend to have his own fun?"

„You still don't understand?" Blair seemed quite calm which relieved me. „Oscar, I'm not saying this because I'm jealous. I would love Felix to be happy. But he wouldn't hesitate to neglect his own limits just to pleasure someone else. I'm trying to protect him."

„From himself."

„Now you understand."

„I don't think he needs your protection. I'm pretty sure he'd love to try at least, you know?" Blair looked at me critically, one brow raised and I looked away. „I mean, it seemed like that. I just think it's unfair you can do anything you want and he can't, just because you think you have to protect him. It's his life, not yours. And just because he's impotent doesn't mean he can't have fun or that he doesn't feel something. Do you know what he said when I realized?"

„To be honest, I'm not sure if I want to know that."

„He said it feels good."

Blair looked around, his hands buried in his pockets, his breath visible in white clouds. „Who knows," he admitted. "Guess I'm too overprotective about him."

„Why don't you ask him what he wants instead of making assumptions? I thought you two talk about everything."

Blair shook his head. „We avoid this topic. But you're right." I was surprised when he admitted it, I didn't expect him to react like that. „It's a weak point in our relationship." Blair looked at me. „Speaking of weak points," he said. „I'm sorry I hit you. It won't happen again."

„I hope so for you."

He chuckled. „Getting cheeky now, huh?"

„You hitting me was the key point why I thought you'd abuse him. It made me so angry."

Blair took a deep breath. „Just hearing Felix's name while I'm in heat is not a good combination for me."

„Yeah. Overprotective." Blair gave me a stern look. „Sorry."

Then he took out his phone. „I'll send you the address of his work place."

„Thanks." I stared at his typing fingers for a second. Hesitated. Should I really... „I... kind of wanted to ask you something else."

„Go on." He didn't even look up from his phone.

„Uhm... First, I just wanted to make sure you know this is not the reason why I came today." It really wasn't. I just wanted to take advantage of the situation since we were already here.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and he looked up at me. „How much do you need?"

My mouth was open and he started laughing. „That was a little creepy."

„That was definitely anticipated. Cash or card?"

„Uhm... card. It's just... I'm a little bit behind on the rent. I worked less. It's not much."

Blair was typing on his phone again. „I need a number, Oscar."

„What would I have to do for five hundred?"

He continued typing. And typing. I looked at him questionable. I almost wanted to ask again, then he put his phone away and gave me a quick look. „As always."

„Wait," I said after he already walked away. „Could we take it slow this time? I'm still not sure..."

„Oscar, we can always talk about everything if you don't like what I'm doing."

„Last time you said there's no code word."

„Play."

„You stuffed my mouth. That didn't feel played. You seemed really angry."

The corners of his mouth rose slightly. „Did I scare you?" I clenched my teeth and looked away. „I know where your limits are, Oscar. If you still feel unsafe, we can agree on hand signals."

„Okay."

„Good. Don't have too much fun with my boyfriend."

„Is that a request or an order?"

„A clear warning."