A World Away

31. It feels different

Waking up to Az had made all of Eve's problems leave for a moment. Then Az had asked her how she had felt and everything came crashing down for her. His Fae features became stark, his shadows reminded her of how black it had been in the Cauldron, his face reminded her of the time before the Cauldron, when everything was comparatively better. When her best friend would have been beside her.

Then there was the long dinner. Eve was in the townhouse- and that was the one thing she had been thankful for. It wasn't tainted with memories like the House of the Wind. Then, the concerned faces had come- the pity in them became unbearable. They had known her relationship with Mike, they had known her when she had been human. She couldn't handle it- the sympathy. Then Feyre had to open her mouth- a jab towards the fact that Eve had failed as a protector.

Sighing, Eve curled under the duvet. She would visit Nesta and Elain tomorrow. And then, maybe ask the healer for more of the potion that helped stop the pain in her body. Maybe, she would go and finally say something other than a cold word or short clips to Feyre and the Inner Circle. After taking the sleeping potion, Eve closed her eyes, dreaming about Mike.

The next day came too early in Eve's opinion. Sighing, she dressed up, making sure her hair covered her face, at bare minimum her ears- she couldn't stand her Fae features. No use postponing the eventual, she sighed and made her way to where everyone was eating breakfast. 

At her entry, the table went silent. "Really subtle guys, real subtle," she muttered. Rolling her eyes as she picked up a toast and turned towards the person she wanted to talk to. "Rhysand, would you mind taking me to the sisters?" The male in question nodded, "sure. And please, call me Rhys." As usual, Eve didn't respond to that. "I will be waiting outside," she said instead and walked out. She couldn't stand the familiar faces and she was angry- angry at them for not even mentioning him once; had they never cared at all? 

Az' heart ached as he watched her leave. It seemed unnatural to see her without being shoulder to shoulder with Mike. Mother knew what she was going through. 

"At least she spoke to one of us," Cassian tried after she left. Az' shadows had darkened and Feyre hadn't even tried to meet Eve's eyes. "Az why don't you try talking to her?" Mor suggested. Az shook his head, "she won't like it... probably throw a knife too." Feyre had told them about Eve's time in Spring Court, well as much as Feyre knew. Az had left right after Feyre had finished last night... Feyre could've done better.

"Give her time," Feyre said eventually. "She and I have a pending conversation," Rhys said. "About?" Mor asked. "Her powers, the use of Faebane and... training." Az sighed; it is going to be a long day.

******

"Ready?" Rhys asked, walking towards where Eve stood, staring at the horizon. Eve nodded, taking his hand as Rhys readied himself to fly to the House.

"We need to talk," he mentioned. "I know." Came the quite reply. "After you are done then?" Eve nodded once. The rest of the flight was quite- Eve not wishing to speak and Rhys not knowing what to say. He tried reaching through his mind even if he knew it was wrong- he was worried- but was met with a wall of fire whose flames sometimes parted for him to see a castle of ice.

Eve hissed- her headache was getting worse.

Rhys retracted, silently apologizing to Mother to forgive him for invading Eve's privacy. Her walls were different. They were also stronger. As strong as his mate's at least.

"Where are they?" Eve asked once they landed. Rhys paused, searching the House for a second before answering, "Nesta is in the library and Elain is in her room."

Eve nodded. "I will meet you again in half an hour, thank you for bringing me up." Rhys nodded, "of course." And with that Eve left. Rhys sighed watching her go, she had become a shell of what she had been once. Mike' absence had hit her the hardest. At least, Rhys and others had the familiar faces and the comfort of their home to help them aftermath everything that had happened. Rhys was sure that Eve felt like she had none of those thing- he had to prove her wrong then. She had them.

******

Eve entered the library and was met with the familiar aroma essence that always seemed to be there. She walked, letting her hands run through the spines. Sighing, she let a single tear fall that had been wanting to come out since the moment she had woken that morning. And the reason for it was quite simple really- she didn't know what she was doing.

Nesta made herself comfortable on the couch. She was about to start a new book when she heard a sigh. Weird; she hadn't heard anyone come in and those who did always barged in, not caring about how loud they were. She got up and made her way to one of the shelves and stopped short- there stood Eve silently shaking. "Eve," Nesta got out.

Upon hearing someone say her name, Eve quickly wiped her tears and looked up. When she saw Nesta, she chuckled slightly, "hey, didn't hear you coming." Nesta simply stared at her. Clearing her throat, Eve started, "I know this isn't the best place or time but I want you to know I am truly sorry. It was my fault and incompetence because of which you and I are standing here in the first place. And I know what happened will never be alright with a simple sorry but-" she was cut off when Nesta abruptly hugged her.

"Idiot," Nesta muttered when she stepped back, she liked Eve and had started considering her as a friend and she hated seeing her like this. Eve had ended up in this mess because she was protecting them, she lost her best friend and here she was- apologizing. Nesta shook her head. "It isn't your fault, never was, never will be," Nesta said. "I am sorry about Mike, he was a good soul. If you ever want to talk, I am here," she added softly.

Eve nodded; she was happy that Nesta didn't blame her and that she had someone to lean on. "How- how are you coping?" Nesta stiffened, "better than Elain." Eve nodded, "I think I might come back here. The townhouse is full of people so, if you want any help, please tell me." Nesta nodded, "I will gladly have someone I like around. Those idiots keep annoying me." Eve chuckled, "they mean well though."

"But they don't get it." Nesta added. Eve gave out a defeated sigh. 

They sat in comfortable silence after that. Nesta read her book while Eve curled herself into a ball and stared out the window, trying to arrange her bare thoughts. Everything seemed to go past a blur these days. So chaotic yet at the same time, so quiet and lonely. The clock struck and Eve got up.

"I have to get going, see you later at dinner?" Nesta nodded, saying, "what choice do we have?" and went back to her book.

******

Rhys was waiting near the balcony when Eve entered. "I was beginning to think you weren't going to show up," Rhys said, smiling a bit.

"I keep my word, besides, not my fault you came early," Eve was going for a joking tone but somehow it ended up coming out cold.

Right. Clearing his throat, he said, "I wanted to talk to you about.... What happened in Hybern." Eve stiffened but didn't say anything. "About your powers," he clarified. "I had a talk with Madja yesterday-" Eve snorted, Rhysand' speech was starting to sound like a parent reprimanding their child. "Continue," she said once she noticed that Rhys had stopped and was looking at her expectantly.

"She said your body might not be responding well to whatever happened in the Cauldron."

"I know." 

"If we don't start doing something about it, it will have side-effects like-."

"Like dying," Eve interrupted, looking at him for the first time. "I know."

I feel like Eve is coping by not coping at all, focusing instead on revenge.... she is just locking everything, every emotion- anger, rage, frustration, loneliness, sadness, agony- in till something tips her over, making her crack. This is one of the reasons why her and Nesta get along as well as they do.  

Happy reading.

XOXO,

the amazing author :)