wolfstar oneshots 💕 (Finished)

139. Love of My Life

After Sirius died, Remus was an empty shell.

He still remembered how James' son screamed. How he had to hold Harry back from chasing after his Godfather, when he himself was close to running too.

With the Dark Lord's return, Remus made sure Harry and his friends returned back to Hogwart's. After that he went to his home for this several months, Grimmauld Place.

The Order members scrambled to floo home. They have family members to warn, children to hide and parents to protect. But not Remus.

He helps the others clean up. All the stacks of parchment, ink and quills back in the cupboards. Nobody came close to Sirius' old room though. Nobody had it in them to be surrounded by Sirius' hallo that intensely.

Not even Remus, he avoided his room like a plague. Even when they shared it. He chose to sleep in the couch after the fight in the Ministry of Magic.

When Kingsley was about to leave, he looked at Remus. The Werewolf knows that look very well, it was pity but not giving in. Kingsley knows he's strong enough but still he puts his hand on Remus' shoulder, furrows his eyebrows and say, "Owl me, whenever. Whatever you need. My doors are open, you can stay with my family."

Kingsley knows Remus won't come. The man's too stubborn for his own good. So when he steps into the fireplace, the purple robed wizard whispers a protection spell over the house one last time.

Next was Arthur. Though he and Molly (and their rowdy, band of children) didn't stay for long, they still came round to help clean up. When they leave, Molly kisses his cheek in her motherly way although they were the same age.

"Take care Remus. I mean of yourself. He wouldn't like it if you let yourself go."

Neither needed to confirm who she meant be "he."

The conversation with Arthur was much harder. The 2 men sat in front of the fireplace one night, tea cups in hand. It was quiet until the red head broke it.

"I'm sorry Remus."

The other looked up from his daze. "For what Arthur ? You didn't do anything."

"If I hadn't been captured, if Harry didn't come to the Ministry, he'd still be here. I'm sorry."

His teacup trembled as the tears slid down his freckled cheeks. Arthur put the cup down to cover his face with both his palms. Remus sighed.

"Arthur, if Harry didn't come to the Ministry, you'd be dead. What would happen to Molly ? What would happen to Ginny, Ron or the twins ?" He leaned over and gave him a tissue.

"The war took a lot from us, Arthur. I'm glad it didn't take you."

The Weasley gave him a teary nod. With enough persuading, he too left for home. Remus knows the man had enough on his plate as it is.

The last person to stay was Tonks, the whimsical girl with body changing powers. She didn't talk to him that much. After all, she too was grieving over her cousin.

The only time they've ever spoken was when they were folding laundry on the dinner table. Tonks kept it together for so long but as she folded Sirius' shirts, she let a tear slip.

It made a dark spot on the otherwise white shirt. Remus paused his own folding. (He didn't touch Sirius' clothes. Couldn't even look at the pile without feeling bile rise up his throat.)

"I don't know how you do it Remus." Her voice wavered. "How do you survive ?"

Remus stared at that one shirt in Tonks' clutches. Memories rushed back to each time he'd seen Sirius wear it.

"I don't. " He heard himself say. "When he died, I died with him."

They hugged and shared a look, 2 people who died but still breathed. Then Remus was all alone.

He took the clothes up to their places. Preferring to manually do it to take his mind off of Sirius. He left Sirius' pile for the last.

Out of habbit, Remus knocked before opening the door. Dust floated in the air, it moved as Remus did.

The bed still unmade from the hassle that day to save Harry. Table messy, scraps of the Daily Prophet all over the floor. Remus actually cracked a smile.

"Always the messy one." He chuckled.

His movements were slow, as if he moved in a jar of honey. Remus picked up the blankets and folded them. He rearranged the bookshelf.

On Sirius' study was a constellation of pictures. From their Hogwarts days to James and Lily's wedding to baby Harry to their own dates.

As magical photos do, the people in them moved too. James still held the bottle of champagne though his picture self don't look as bright. The newly weds weren't smiling instead they held on to each other solemnly.

His brown eyes avoided their first-date picture. He stepped back and returned to his original chore, the clothes.

When he opened the cupboard, Remus dropped the pile he was holding and grabbed his wand. Inside the wooden case was Sirius' body, bloody and beaten.

But then the image changed to a moon and Remus realized he was facing something he taught Harry 2 years ago, a Bogart.

"Riddikulus." He whispered. The Bogart scampered under the bed.

He picked up the fallen clothes and put them in their respectful shelves. Remus left as soon as he could.

He jogged down the stairs back to the kitchen but he passed a certain room. The Black's guest room which had a piano.

The lump in Remus' throat grew. He knows that piano too well.

"For old times." He said to the empty house as he sat on the old leather chair.

He dusted the cover off before pressing on it. Remus cringed when it came slightly off key but Sirius was the musical one out of the two, he didn't bother trying to tune it.

His hands laid on the keys. His eyes closed and he started a song his heart knows too well. A song the Gryffindor common room heard too many times. A song only Sirius could turn into a sleep lullaby for him.

"Love of my life, you've hurt me
You've broken my heart
And now you leave me
Love of my life, can't you see?"

He could almost feel Sirius' warm hands on his, guiding his fingers as he played.

"There ya go love ! You've got it !" He'd cheer.

"Bring it back, bring it back
Don't take it away from me
Because you don't know,
what it means to me."

Maybe if Remus focused, he could feel Sirius' shoulders next to his on the cramped, little chair. The way they'd shake in laughter when he gets a key wrong. Sirius' soft lips on his fingers each time he complained it hurts.

"You will remember
When this is blown over
And everything's all by the way
When I grow older
I will be there at your side

To remind you

how I still love you

I still love you"

He forced the last few words out of his voice box before bending over and cry. His lips heaving breaths as he felt the hot tears burn him alive.

"Why'd you have to go ? WHY?! When I finally got you back, you leave me Sirius ! Why'd you leave me ? Why-"

Remus laid his forehead on the ebony surface.

"Now I'm alone again. Why aren't you here with me Sirius ? You promised for ever, why'd go then !? I hate you ! I hate you !"

"I- I miss you."

"I love you."

And maybe Sirius had taken the 1 thing Remus had, his heart.