Dazai x reader one shots

Driving Menace

"Dazai you are a hazard to the streets of Yokohama!" Kunikida yells as they walk into the office.
"You let Dazai drive?" Ranpo questions, drinking a Ramune.
"Only because Kunikida had to make a few calls." Atsushi informs, stumbling in after the other two.
"Oh come on you guys. I'm not that bad." The said brunette whines.
"Dazai you can't drive." The president confirms.
Dazai gasps dramatically.
"Why don't we get him a driving instructor or something?" Junichiro offers.
"I know the perfect person." Kunikida offers and pushes up his glasses.
"Knowing you they'll probably be a stick in the mud too." Dazai mumbles and crosses his arms.

The next day Dazai follows Kunikida and Atsushi to an empty parking lot.
"Try not to kill your instructor Dazai." The white haired boy comments, looking around for the said person.
"I would never. Have some faith in me Atsushi."
"It will take a miracle for you to drive like a normal person. But thankfully my acquaintance is a miracle worker."
"I wouldn't say that Do(pronounced doe, short for Doppo)."
Dazai turns to look at the woman and his eyes widen. She's beautiful. He thinks to himself.
"Ah (Y/n) there you are. Punctual as always. How are you?" The blonde greets.
The woman hugs her friend and smiles. "I'm good. I'm glad to help you though."
"I'm in the presence of a goddess. Will you do me the honor of committing double s-"
Kunikida and Atsushi both whack the brunette before he can finish his sentence.
"We can commit double suicide later. First we need to accomplish this driving task first." (Y/n) answers and smiles softly, eyes closed.
Dazai's heart races. She's the only one to ever agree to my proposal. She must be my soulmate.
"We'll leave it to you (Y/n). Don't go easy on him." Kunikida requests, pushing up his glasses.
"Roger that Do." (Y/n) responds then turns to the other 22 year old.

Dazai felt the sudden urge to drive carefully.
She has this lure about her that pulled him toward her.
Even he couldn't name it.
"Now we'll start here in the parking lot. Do you at least know how to drive and park etc?" (Y/n) asks, getting into the passenger seat.
"Yes I know."
"Fantastic! Show me."
Dazai drives carefully and manages to park correctly.
(Y/n) recalls her phone call with Kunikida.
"He's a suicidal maniac. He'd probably run us off the road if given the chance. He doesn't follow speed limits or lane lines. We were almost hit by a vehicle coming toward us."
(Y/n) sighs and crosses her arms.
"Something wrong?" Dazai asks, looking over at the woman.

"Why the sudden change? Kunikida made it seem like you'd never learned how to drive properly. A menace to the roads of Yokohama."
Dazai sighs and looks at the steering wheel. "I can't explain it really. It's something about you."
"I'm just another woman you're asking to commit double suicide. I mean nothing to you really."
"But that's just it. When you agreed something inside me sparked. Like everything changed. I couldn't risk our lives before we had the chance to commit."
(Y/n) shakes her head. "Then maybe if you continue to remember that feeling you won't give Doppo an ulcer."
"He likes driving anyways. What's the harm in keeping him the designated driver?"
"And if you get a solo job that requires driving?" The woman counters, crossing her arms. "You can't keep relying on someone else to do this simple task. And our blonde friend won't always be there to help out. I definitely won't be. I have a job of my own."

"How about if I drive better will you continue to teach me?" Dazai offers.
(Y/n) looks at him and crosses her arms. "Why should I? If you knew how to drive properly then why did you waste my time?"
The brunette man frowns and looks away. "Probably because I'm just blowing smoke."
The woman looks at her student confused. "What?"
"I don't really know how to drive properly. I just pretend to sometimes. And normally I drive however I want." The brunette confesses.
"You were never taught?"
"Nope. My last profession didn't require it of me."

(Y/n) frowns and closes her eyes. "Then we need to start from the beginning."
Dazai looks at the (h/c). "The beginning?"
"Yep. You wanted me to stick around longer and now you're gonna get exactly what you want. I'm not leaving you alone until you are the perfect driver."
Dazai smirks. "And if I fail to learn driving?"
"Then I'll consider you a lost cause and leave. Maybe the president will fire you."
"He wouldn't do that. If Ranpo can get away with not knowing the train I can get away with not knowing the car."
(Y/n) shrugs. "Furthermore, why would I waste my time on a double suicide with someone like you? I have plenty of life to live."
The brunette man sighs and shrugs. "I guess you have a point. Oh well. I'll just have to be the best driver then."
"Do we have a deal then?"
Dazai shakes her outstretched hand. "It's a deal."