Dazai x reader one shots

I Wanna Know What Love Is

My parents didn't love each other, they pretended to love me and then they discarded me when I was old enough to get a job.
I managed to get a job that paid me daily so I could feed myself. I survived in the back alleys where the police wouldn't notice me. I never had friends so I didn't have anywhere else to go.
My boss never asked questions so thankfully he doesn't know I'm homeless.
After a year of working there one of the guys got close enough to me that I would consider him my first friend.
He's a cute nerdy boy.
We got to know everything about each other.
I vowed to protect him from harm, even though he's older and taller than me.
He told me that because I am a girl that he'd protect me.
When I was 18 he was murdered right in front of me.
A member of the Port Mafia killed him.
I went on a killing spree which got me fired and nearly imprisoned. Thankfully I managed to escape and with what little money I had moved to Yokohama.
A couple months after moving here I received a letter.
Upon seeing the contents I puked up my breakfast behind a dumpster in a back alley.
The photo of my dead parents falls out of my hand.
They were both murdered.
Which brings me to now.

I sit on the roof of the Armed Detective Agency.
The sun is setting, casting beautiful color across the sky.
I fiddle with the switchblade in my hand.
The silver metal reflects as I flip it in and out.
"All your pain will disappear once you're gone. There's no reason to live anymore." I whisper and slide the silver across my thighs.
Red streaks down and drips onto the roof.
I whimper in pain but bite my lip.
"You deserve the pain. They all died because of me. Why couldn't I be happy?"
More cuts appear before I start to finally feel it.
This eggs me on and I go faster and deeper.
"What are you doing up here?" An unfamiliar brunette asks from behind me, near the door to get up here.
My vision blurs as I drop the switchblade.
I fall backwards but instead of hitting cement, the man catches me.
"What are you doing?" He asks rhetorically as he carries me downstairs.
He takes me to an operation room, just past their office.
"Who is she?" A young girl asks.
"I don't know. She was on the roof." The man responds.
"Damn. There's so many. I think this just barely counts."
I pass out a few minutes later.

When I open my eyes I look around.
The same brunette walks in and to the foot of my bed. "Care to tell me what happened earlier?"
"Everyone I love was murdered. I have no home, no job and no money. I'm a murderer on the loose. I have no reason to live."
"Well that does suck. Haven't you ever had a dream though?"
"A dream?"
"Yes. Something you wanted to do, a place to go, someone to see?"
"A dream?" She repeats and looks away. "I want to know what love is. My parents didn't love each other and when I was little they disowned me. I thought I loved this one guy but he was murdered before I could really tell what the feeling was."
Dazai smiles and nods. "Love huh? That's a good dream. There is your reason for living. You have a dream and now it's your job to do whatever it takes to reach that goal. And no more talk of suicide."
(Y/n) watches him play with her switchblade. "That was my father's. I thought if I used it I could see him again."
"Now it's mine. And you should start on your journey."
"How do I even begin to start? I don't know what love is? How am I supposed to find it for myself."
"Well let's see. They say you can't eat or sleep. Your thoughts are constantly about that person. You'd do anything for them. Mushy stuff like that."
(Y/n) nods along in understanding. "I think I understand. How do I achieve these goals of not eating, sleeping and constantly thinking about that person?"
Dazai laughs softly and nods. "I guess you'll have to get to know people. See what you have in common. And when you find that special person, you'll just know. Or so they say. I've never been in love."
"Do you think you could fall in love with me?"
The brunette chokes on air. "What?"
"You saved my life. I owe you everything. And seeing the bandages on your arms makes me think you've tried to commit suicide too. Did someone special save you?"
Dazai was surprised by her, but he couldn't help thinking of Oda. "Yeah. He helped me find my dream and become a better man."
(Y/n) smiles. "Just like you did for me. Thank you. My name is (Y/n) by the way."
"Osamu Dazai."