Dazai x reader one shots

Every Fish Is A Possibility

Dazai taps his fingers and pen.
His chin rests on his free palm.
He grumbles, eyes closed.
"What's wrong Dazai?" Atsushi asks, walking past with a stack of papers.
Dazai opens one eye and glares at (Y/n).
The said woman frowns and look up. "What?"
"You're impossible to set up. It's like knowing any fish will do makes it 100 times harder."
"Dazai what are you talking about?" Kunikida inquries, pushing his glasses up.
"He's been trying to set me up with a date. Except when he asked if I prefer men or women I told him I'm pansexual."
"Oh really? Shouldn't that makes things easier?" Atsushi asks confused.
"No! Because now instead of a small pool sample I have everyone in the world."

"I told you to start small."
"You also told me not to do this in the first place and now look where we are."
"I'm single but happy?"
"You're single and miserable. You can lie to yourself but don't lie to me. It's killing you inside."
"Why would she be so upset?" Kunikida asks.
"Because she thinks: 'why can't I get a partner? I have the lowest standards.' Or something like that."
"Excuse me? I have high standard."
"That would be another reason you're still single then. You're expectations are too high."
"Well if she knows what she wants that's perfect. She just needs to wait for that person to come into her life." The blonde smiles and pats (Y/n)'s shoulder.
"She's not you Kunikida," Dazai grumbles.

The blonde rolls his eyes. "I think you should stop wasting your time on pointless matchmaking and focus on your work."
(Y/n) frowns and looks at the blonde. "You think I'm pointless?"
"Of course not. You deserve to find someone." He quickly assures and smiles softly.
The woman smiles back.
"Have you thought about dating each other?" Atsushi questions, looking between (Y/n) and Dazai.
"Obviously. But that idea was thrown out the window." (Y/n) answers first.
"If she didn't want children so badly we probably could make things work." Dazai adds and leans back in his chair.

Atsushi frowns but nods.
"Then maybe you should date until someone better comes around. Since you both know how the other feels it could be a transactional relationship." Kunikida offers, typing away on his laptop.
Dazai and (Y/n) look at each other.
She crosses her arms. "Do you think you could hold my hand and kiss me?"
"Mmmm I think so. Could you put up with my late nights and constant attempts?"
"Yeah. As long as you come home and hold me while we sleep."
"I like that idea. I suppose we can do that until I find you someone better."
"Maybe I should just go out with Yasano or maybe  Chuuya. We can drink wine and go hat shopping." (Y/n) puts her finger to her lip.
"Not on my watch."
"You don't wear a watch." (Y/n) teases and smiles.