Dazai x reader one shots

Just A Joke To You

Dazai knew (Y/n) before his mafia days.
She seemed like a normal girl with a couple close friends. She did everything in her power to befriend him.
He found her persistence annoying but he soon found her company enjoyable.
She laughed and joked like anyone else.
But what he didn't see was the scars and just how forced her smile was.
She didn't want to burden him with her problems, especially because she knew how on the fence he is with her.
Her friends would shit talk her, they used her and they made her life a living hell.
Her parents abused her and provided the bare necessities. Most of the time they pretend she doesn't exist.
Dazai noticed how much time they spent together so he decided to be the protective older brother for her, especially when he joined the Port Mafia.
She enjoyed talking to Mori and he made sure the mafia members didn't hurt her.

They say the ones that seem the most happy are the ones who are hurting the most.
(Y/n) couldn't agree more.
The more depressed she felt, the more she felt like she didn't have the right to be sad.
The fucking Port Mafia is on her side, she had Dazai and she wasn't the dumbest person in the world.
She had plenty to be ok in life but she still felt depressed.
"You're feelings are valid no matter what. If you're sad that's just as ok as being happy. It's ok to not be ok."
(Y/n) didn't agree with that. "You have to have a reason to be sad."
Then she remembered all the reasons the dark overtook the light.
No friends that she could hangout with (the mafia doesn't count), no family-especially not one that cares whether or not she's alive(Dazai doesn't count) and she felt dumb and naive.
Her social anxiety also didn't help.

The first time she hurt herself, it was an instant regret.
She left a handful of marks on her thigh.
It was a mess and it only brought physical pain instead of taking away the internal pain.
The first time Dazai worried about her was when Mori found (Y/n) next to an empty bottle of sleeping pills.
The girl tried to explain that it was an accident but it left the brunette 15 year old confused.
He couldn't imagine why his friend would commit suicide. So he believed that it was an accident.

After Oda died and Dazai joined the agency, the depression grew worse.
Dazai had went off the radar and was too busy with work to spend time with her.
(Y/n) got a job that distracted her for most of the day.
Soon years had gone by and they hadn't seen each other at all.
He didn't call and she didn't know he was with the agency.
Her scars went from only being on her thigh to her wrists and other thigh.

The next time (Y/n) saw Dazai he had just made his, now, usual attempts at suicide.
An unfamiliar white haired boy and tall blonde were scolding the brunette.
The woman just so happened to overhear them.
"These suicide attempts are getting old Dazai. It's just a waste of time. If you were really serious about it you'd be dead by now." The blonde informs, pushing his glasses up.
"Yeah Dazai. It's like you're just doing it for fun, like it's all just one big joke to you. Not to mention you keep trying to convince women to join you." The boy adds.

Tears stream down (Y/n)'s cheeks.
"Just one big joke." She thinks to herself.
Later that night Dazai is taking a walk around the port when he comes across a bridge.
The area is quiet and barren except for a woman around his age.
She stands on the bridge and obviously wipes tears away.
His eyes wide upon recognizing who it is.
"(Y/n)?!" He yells running over.
The said woman turns to him quickly. "Osa."
"What are you doing? Get down from there."
He grabs her wrist, pulling her onto the ground, but quickly pulls away, only to grab it again to examine it.
The marks show up clearly in the light from the street lamp.

(Y/n) pulls away and keeps her gaze on the bridge.
"What is this? Why would you do something like this?"
"You're one to talk. According to that blonde guy you try all the time. It's just a joke to you. You never saw how much pain I was really in. These are not just a joke." She shakes her wrists.
Dazai couldn't believe what he was hearing. He didn't really know what to say.
His hand grabs her arm and traces the marks with his thumb.
"Why didn't you tell me? I was supposed to protect you, remember? The protective older brother. If you were hurting you should have told me!"
"Because you didn't like me. I felt like if I told you, you'd get annoyed and leave me behind. But you did that anyway when Oda died. You completely abandoned me."
"How long have you been hurting?"
"Since before we met. I thought if I got you to be my friend it would make up for the fake ones you thought I had."
His heart squeezes at the knowledge of her problems.

He didn't know what to say so instead he hugs her quickly and tightly.
She was shocked at first then cries into his chest
Her fists clench his jacket and her cries get louder.
All of her emotions finally break and release.
He pets her head and lets her get it all out.
After a while she calms down and is left only sniffling.
"I wish I would've known. I could've done something."
"Just don't leave me again. I need you in my life. Everything seems ok when I'm with you Osa."
Dazai chuckles quietly and nods. "As you wish."
When she finally looks up into his eyes he wipes her tears away.
"Let's get you home and cleaned up. We have some catching up to do."