My Broken Bowl

Evolution

A/N: This is where things get really interesting so hold on! I hope this is an enjoyable story for you guys and it gets better!

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I learned to evolve, I guess. I changed a little each year. There was subtle changes that I didn't even notice. I began making more friends and answering questions in class but only when I was called on. I wasn't that brave yet to just volunteer.

I was eleven and I finally figured out how to read. I wasn't stupid. My life had been hell until then and I just...I didn't even remember second grade and a good part of third grade and fourth grade was blank.

I have no idea how I made it through. I had to thank Cady later in life. She got me through all those years.

Sheila worked with me all the time and a woman from school took time to help me after school so that no no one knew. I still remember her name. I was and am forever grateful for her and her kindness.

No one in school knew about my problems and I was grateful. Bullies would have killed me. I learned quickly and was reading really well within a couple of months. Sheila sat with me every night as I painfully read books a third grader could read. But I did it. In a few months, I was reading at a fifth grade level. I was proud of myself.

I had my journal to write in... So I did.

My first entry was short and sweet.

July, 22, 1987. This is my first time writing in this journal. I have to because my therapist is making me. I don't know what to write but this is a beginning. My foster mom, Sheila said that a beginning is the freedom to start over, to start fresh. So I guess I am doing that. And she didn't give me a choice. She's scary when she wants to be, but in a mom way.

July 25, 1987...

I kind of forgot that I had to do this. Well, dipshit is gone. (The half brother). I will never use his name but I will call him dipshit. I cried in relief but will never tell anyone. I am finally free of him. I hope he gets the help that he needs and burns in hell. He scared me so much. I'm still trying to find a way to relax. This is stupid!

I visited the therapist twice a week for that whole year. There are some sessions that I can't remember at all and some days at school were a blur too. But that was normal.

November 1, 1987

I called Sheila mom today and I got a huge hug from her. I think she cried. I don't know why but okay. She hugged me so tight that I cried. I have been crying at everything lately so what's new!

The weirdest thing was when Hank hugged me for the first time. We had done devotions, a small study of the Bible before bed, and he hugged me like he did the rest of the kids. It was the first time in my life that I hugged a man and actually felt safe. I can't admit that out loud to anyone.

I was in therapy and dealing with it. I would get nervous and sweat through every single session. I never felt comfortable. There was one particular session when my therapist brought up DID, back then it was called Multiple Personality Disorder. It changed back in 1994, so that shows my age, huh...

I freaked out. I knew nothing about Multiple Personality Disorder and what I did think I knew meant that one of us was a murderer. I thought that. It was such a misunderstood disorder. I had no idea how to deal with that information. I agreed to take a test, what I didn't know then was that Cady already took it.

We got different scores but both scores said that we most likely had Multiple Personality Disorder. My therapist informed me about Cady. I denied it and I think I blacked out again because I don't remember much after that either.