My Broken Bowl

Some Dark Times

A/N: This book is very tough for me to write. I died that day or a piece of me died. I don't remember much for a part of time after that. 

This book is very tough for me to write. I died that day or a piece of me died. I don't remember much for a part of time after that. My college friends, whom I love to this day, drove for ten hours to be with me. They are amazing people.

Once that day was over, a week later, I vanished into an abyss of alcohol. I'm not proud of the things I did from this point on. I really am not but they are our history. I didn't deal with his death well at all.

I drank. I mean it. I drank everything and I was never sober. Our DID got worse. I didn't realize it but another alter was created during this time. It was a child that we call a little. I had no idea then. She's adorable now that I've gotten to know her. She's sweet and funny and stays with Dusk.

I did a lot of traveling that year. I was mostly running away from everything, looking back. I love to travel anyway but the purpose for this trip was just to run away. Unfortunately, I couldn't get away from myself and my problems. My feelings and issues followed me over to Europe.

I returned to the States and took a massage therapy class because Alex once told me I would be great at it. I did it as a distraction just after he died. I know he would be proud that I completed it.

I made some good friends. A few that I could count on if I ever had a body to bury! I love them and that was our group joke.

It was a tough time for me. I was never sober a second of time that I was in that class and to top it off, there was a bar on the first floor of the building. So convenient.

I spiraled after that and couldn't get control and my drinking got bad and the DID blackouts and switching got worse. Cay was out a lot and actually helped me get through that class. Our drinking got worse and I mean pass out drunk and I couldn't remember who I was waking up with... kind of bad.

I couldn't feel anything. I really couldn't. I was so sad and hollow all the time. Five years flew by and I know that I missed six months of that time completely. I believe that Cay was out the whole time, exclusive. I was out of it for a lot of that time and Cay was in front. Cay was my other personality. She was in charge for the first time ever, she had freedom and she explored... so to speak.

Cay was much more free than I was. She discovered a lot about herself during this time. She dated men and women, younger and older... age didn't matter. She went wild. She loved her one night stands and group sex. She preferred sex with multiple people. She loved to please them. She wasn't picky and dated a married man for almost a year. She was very poly.

I was so hollow and dead that I just couldn't care. I drank and she fucked. That was at least five years of my life. I was incapable of climbing out of our spiral. I lost my reason to care, I guess. I fell and just couldn't stand up again.

I don't have the right phrase to describe my madness. My darkness. I was so lost.

I met a guy through a friend. His name was... Stan. Sure. Stan was older and Cay even liked him. He was more her type. He was wild like her. This was great because I wouldn't get attached.

He was a doctor which sounds amazing but nope. He got called out all the time. We would be on a date or whatever and he would have to leave. I hated it.

Stan and I didn't have a physical relationship at all. I liked that about him and he never pushed it. Stan was all about Stan. He loved himself the most. After nine months of attempting to date, we split up and I slept with his roommate. He was in between girls. I was surprised that he was that open but okay.

We stayed in contact for a while but drifted apart. Stan wasn't a bad guy. He was just wild and didn't have direction. He was also a terrible boyfriend who probably had some bipolar or something, looking back.

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Deep breaths!

Thanks for hanging around and voting...maybe?