My Broken Bowl

The Last Straw

I got in a little bit of control and got a nice job that Cay liked more than I did. We worked for a man that was in a wheelchair. Kent was paralyzed from the waist down. It was a car accident a few years before and he needed home care.

I knew the right people and got the home healthcare job. I learned how to do some nursing stuff like a catheter. He couldn't use the bathroom traditionally so I have to do a catheter on him. I can still do that in my sleep if I needed to and it's been years now.

I learned to breathe doing this job. The guy was very relaxed and chill.... At first. I thought he was amazing, at first. He had this commanding presence and he was very cute. Cay was ready to jump him but we were trying to behave. We were trying to live and get ourselves together. We were focused on work and just co-fronting and trying to figure out this DID shit. Man, I hated it but I wasn't afraid of it like I was in high school.

It was Christmas the second year working for him that we fucked up again. I was wrapping presents and drinking wine at Kent's house. I took off my bra because it was killing me which he noticed. I was half drunk by then and thought 'fuck it'. I didn't care what Kent thought of me.

Well, Kent was gay. Well, how about that. We flirted once he found out I was a guy and it was on. The sexual tension got so bad by the evening that we were fucking in his chair. For real.

For the next year, we fucked. We didn't date or do anything romantic. I worked and still did my job and we fucked when I wasn't working. But Kent got possessive and controlling and became more of an asshole. I couldn't do it anymore.

My hours were all the time. 24/7. I worked my ass off... ha ha. But I really was working all the time... day and night. It was terrible and the sex also declined... so I wasn't even having fun anymore.

Kent was amazing in bed but I couldn't keep defending myself or yelling back. We never just had fun. In that year, I bought a house and I mention this because I was proud. I did it all on my own. Just me and Cay. I went with friends to celebrate and met a woman. She was okay and I was drunk and blacked out. I should state that I never had sex sober after I lost my dom. I was always drunk off my ass. Looking back, Cay probably had sex with her... I wasn't into women and I was blacked out which means I wasn't in charge at that time.

I didn't have myself together back then so things are kind of a blur. I have to keep asking Cay if this is correct. I keep editing this story because I get things wrong at times. But this is close to correct.... But she will read this again and edit it again...

Long story short, Cay got that woman, Alaska, pregnant. Oops. I know we were safe but...there was a baby. My employer, you remember the guy that I was fucking on the side, right. He didn't take this news well. Let's say that.

I was going to baby doctor appointments with this woman and needed time off to do that. Kent wasn't allowing it. I went anyway and he would get pissed. He didn't want to commit to me but he didn't want me to be with anyone else.

The woman had some health issues at the end and needed bed rest. I volunteered to take a few weeks off for it and Kent got pissed. If it wasn't about him then fuck you. That was his attitude.

I spent three years slaving away with this guy. I mean it. Night and day. I went to hospitals when he had infections or the flu or whatever. I had waited all night in a waiting room a number of times for his stupid ass. My life revolved around him all the time and couldn't give in just a little.

I spent countless hours driving his ass around to run his errands as my fridge sat empty. I did everything. I cooked, cleaned and did laundry. I stayed late and sometimes slept on the couch.

I spent hours waiting in his van for him. A job is a job. This was my life and I hated it. Kent's life was my life and he wasn't grateful.

He gave me an ultimatum. 'You go to her house now and don't bother coming back'.

I dropped his keys on the counter and walked out. I didn't even say goodbye. I cried all the way to the woman's house. Let's call her Alaska.

So, I helped Alaska out. She told me toward the end of the pregnancy that she didn't want the baby at all. She had an ex boyfriend that she wanted to get back together with and she didn't want the baby. It would be a burden.

Her and Cay weren't together. Alaska was still seeing that guy. I was just there to help. This was the shit that Cay got me into. I hated her at this point in our life. I hated everything about her and realized that we had to get help to get our lives back into control. We were out of control and now there was going to be a baby. I knew we couldn't live and raise a child in our current condition... Cay knew it too.

We began going back to therapy at some point during this same year. We found a wonderful lady that we'll call Vera. Through the whole pregnancy and all the work drama, we talked to her. I finally got diagnosed with DID for real and officially. I was man enough to admit that something was wrong and we began to learn to live together.

We realized that trying to live separate lives wasn't going to work. We were so fucked up and we had to get ourselves together for this new baby. We had work to do... so we researched more and talked some more... and tried some PTSD meds. I wasn't a fan of them and we stopped taking them. I wanted to learn to deal with my problems... without drugs.

On a day in November... of a particular year, We became the single parent of a very cute, tall and gorgeous little girl. We named her Ariel. (Also not)

When I told my parents that I was expecting this baby, Sheila was so excited, which surprised me because they were very Christian. They were 'we dont' have sex until we are married' people.

We messed up and now we were a single parent. I was officially a loser. I sold my house because I couldn't afford it. My monetary situation declined considerably. I was jobless too. We moved into a one room cottage. It sounds amazing but it wasn't. It was out in the country, in nowhere. I worked third shift at a factory to raise my kid. Alone. I was very alone.

So, my bio dad, Saul, had his own opinion about me and voiced it because again, we didn't agree. I told him about the black woman having my baby and he freaked out. He was a very racist man. He always was racist when I was growing up and that didn't change. I don't share his opinion. I rarely did.

After he called the unborn child very unpleasant names, he disowned me.

It hurt. I can't even...It hurts.

I drove to my parents house and cried to them. They were so great. I also didn't realize until later that this created our little. Another personality that we have. She is five years old and sweet as pie. I didn't even know she was there for quite a few years but she was taken in by Dusk.

I can explain that better.

I still don't know how this works but when I was hurt again by my father, our little was created. She is very sweet and shy. She says with Dusk the most and calls him Daddy. She's five so calm down. She means daddy when she says it; in a fatherly way. They are very close and he's very protective of her.

So, I lost my father, who I thought loved me... but I had my little girl who grew up way too fast. (She is now almost eighteen and heading to college soon!)

Our early years were tough. I was a single dad for three years. We did have fun and I learned to be a parent as I stumbled through it. I had the support of my parents and Cay. She helped me a lot and loved our little girl a lot.

I changed my ways just for her and Cay did as well.

I quit drinking completely and I decided to be celibate. No more sex for me. Cay and I were learning a lot about each other and how to live together. I was getting better at not blacking out when we switched... but that still happens frequently with her.

Another thing that I did for Cady, because she wanted it... We took hormones to grow breasts. They grew to a decent B cup. Cady was happy with them and I didn't mind. I felt more comfortable in a bra anyway and now there was something to put in them so no more fake boobs.

Enter Dean...and a little on him.