My Broken Bowl

Art School

After college I went home and decided to take up photography. It's a long story but I went to art school. What a waste of my time and money. I had to do two years of prerequisites. It was stupid. I found out that I can't draw for shit, Cay hated drawing too but our dark personality, he loved it. Some of his stuff wasn't bad. He drew these frogs in an animal study that were so life-like.

Sheila kept them hanging in her house until it burned down later. They are gone now and I wish I had taken photos of them. They were amazing. He also loves to knit!

I know!

I learned this later in life. We had begun calling his Dusk (also not his actual name). He didn't hate it.

No one knew this secret of mine and I was keeping it that way. My therapist in high school offered to give me some kind of drug but I declined it. I think it was an anti-psychotic. I'm not sure she understood me.

I was at art school for a whole year and met someone. I can't get into it too much but his name was Alex. (also not his name) I was in love and Cay liked him too.

I fell for him. He was from Guatemala but moved to the States with his parents. He was beautiful. We talked in class, flirted and joked around. I liked him. This was my first real interest and I was very interested. Alex was different.

Girls everywhere kind of flocked to him but he always found me. I tried to stay away because once he found out I was a boy...I would lose him as a friend. This was a secret that no one knew and I couldn't let it happen now. I had a lot of anxiety about him.

He had this European look about him that I can't describe. He was bilingual and sexy. His dark black hair was long and curly. It put any other person's hair to shame. No one had hair like his. I was always dying to touch it but I couldn't.

I saw him sitting with girls who were fawning all over him. They were touching his hair and being all bold. I was very jealous. I knew I would never get to do that.

During a class, painting, he stood next to me. Mind you, he didn't have this class! He just came in. He was in advance painting 45 or something and I was in Intro To Painting but it was the same teacher. This guy was out of my league. Alex charmed his way into the class to talk to me. Seriously, I felt so special and tried to squash those thoughts.

Alex leaned close. "Have dinner with me."

I giggled like no other. "You never asked me?"

"I know. I want to have dinner with you. What are you doing after this class?" Alex was touching my shoulder with his. We were in close proximity. He smelled so great. I didn't know what that cologne was but it made my mouth water. I was his.

"Sure. I'm free after this class." I didn't mean to say it. I was going to head home. My last class was at six pm but it was cancelled for the day.

Alex smiled a brilliant smile and sighed. "Thank God!" It looked like he was relieved. I didn't understand it at all.

He romanced the hell out of me before we were even dating. It was an Italian diner with candle light. It was a really romantic restaurant. We danced even. He never got embarrassed but I was blushing like crazy as he held me in his arms.

This was my first real contact with someone outside of my family. My other boyfriends, we never touched. I couldn't risk them finding me out. I was in trouble with this guy. I was in his arms. His hand was on the small of my back and he whispered sweet words in my ear. He told me I was special which made me laugh and sent red flares.

"I'm not special." I told him.

Alex smiled. "But you are. I vowed I would never date at school. I flirt with all the girls but I never wanted to actually find one that I could fall for. I could fall for you."

I backed away. "No! You can't!" I whispered it as I tried not to shake. I was scared. "I have to go!" But he drove.

"I can take you back. I didn't mean to scare you. Mi Corazon." (My Heart) Alex stated. He took my hand and opened my door and made sure I was buckled in. It was sweet and I was freaking out.

Alex stayed calm as he drove back to the school where my car was. "I'm sorry I freaked you out."

I sighed. "Not your fault, Alex. I'm sorry. I'm not really ready to date anyone."

Alex sighed. "I've been hurt too and I said I wasn't going to date at all but then I saw you I couldn't stop myself."

I stared at him. I didn't know why I found him so irresistible. I had to spend time analyzing why this guy was so different. He really was different and not just his looks. I've never been a shallow person so looks never mattered to me. I just fit with him but I was still scared. He thought I was a girl.

Alex turned into the school parking lot and helped me out of the car. How sweet. He said good night and I thought about him all the time.

Alex talked me into going on a date. We met at an art shop and went to eat at a pizza place. It was a nice date and the very first one I had been on. How sad was that? The two guys I had dated didn't really show interest and didn't take me out. We mostly sat and talked. The one guy just wanted to have sex. I rolled my eyes. I wasn't sleeping with a stranger.

Alex and I talked about all kinds of things. He lived with his Mom and Dad, sister and brother. I tried to explain my parents and kept it very simple for everyone's sake. Alex talked about all kinds of things about art.

"So, I want to become a teacher and one day maybe teach art history. I really love the history of art!" Alex smiled as his brown eyes sparkled.

"Oh, wow! I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up!" I sighed. Alex was so focused and I was just dangling in the breeze with no plan.

"Those make the most interesting people, Cayden." Alex smiled at me. "It's good for you to explore."

I blushed as he said my name. I didn't even know how he knew it because I never told him.

"You have an interesting name." Alex watched me as I blushed some more. This poor white boy was going to burn up from all the blushing.

Alex smiled at me. "I love it when you blush like that."

I covered my face. "No!" I shook my head. "I hate blushing!"

Alex chuckled. "I love it! You look sexy when you blush!" Which just made my condition worse.

"Stop! I'm not sexy, Alex!" I looked at my leg and dropped my hands. One hand played with the table cloth just to stay busy.

Alex chuckled a deep sounding chuckle that set my body on fire. "You are and you know what?" I shrugged as he continued. "Most girls say that they aren't sexy just to get a compliment but I am sensing that you don't like compliments."

I looked up kind of shocked. "I actually hate them. Really, I'm not used to them so..."

Alex sighed. "Cayden, You should always be complimented and when I do it, I mean it. I never lie!" He glared at me with this determined look.

I just melted in my chair.

We chatted as we left the restaurant. Alex took my hand in his and made me jump a little. I wasn't used to being touched and it startled me. Alex entwined our fingers as we walked to his car.