My Broken Bowl

Cady's Point of View

Cady's point of view:

Pause in the story to talk about me!!!!

Okay, I guess we're trying this from my point of view. Okay? Cayden is really gambling that we will get back to the main story! I love to talk about me, it's my favorite subject!

Well, I'm Cady, an alter in our system. I'm the same age as Cayden and the body. I was the second one that was created. Dusk was first. We have spent so much time and effort masking... pretending to be the other person that it's a habit.

(Although, some of our beautiful friends can tell us apart on the phone!) I love you Dolls!!! You know who you are!

I came about when we were eight... We were in second grade and I believe that Cayden was in school, sitting in a class when I fronted. He doesn't remember this. My first job as an alter was to attend school and later, I attended therapy. I absolutely love therapy! Therapy is talking about yourself, it's my specialty!

"First thing is first, you are not here to get fixed and this isn't going away." This was the thing that my therapist told me a few times... and I know that Cayden heard them from her also. Cayden wanted it to just go away. He didn't want to deal with it but unfortunately, he had to deal with it and he wasn't good at it. He doesn't like to talk about himself.

So, at first, my job was just to do social events, like church, school, family outings and things like that. Cayden couldn't handle them and still wasn't talking. He was almost mute... like a selective mute. I guess... He was so wounded and scared when I first emerged. It took me a while to figure out what was happening.

At first, I thought I was just me... I thought I was Cayden, since everyone at school called me Cayden. But also they were stranger that seemed to know me? I didn't know them but I just pretended until I figured it out. I never felt like I was in danger.

I thought this was my life but then weird things happened. I would blackout... when Cayden was out. I found Dusk on one of the blackouts. I realized that we were more than just me by middle of third grade, probably. I learned a lot from Dusk as he explained to me what was happening.

I don't know anything about Cayden's trauma. Only Dusk has that information and he is very protective of it. I don't ask him anymore... it's not my business. I did my job but I was also a mess. I used to cheat off of my neighbor in class... She got worse grades so my grades dropped considerably. Oops. I thought I was helping Cayden... but I was failing him.

I was a little lost during this time as well. Elementary was hard for me. I was always lost and confused. I was only eight and had to figure out what was going on without any outside help. I would black out at the end of a day of school, I couldn't remember getting on the bus or going home... Cayden did all of that. My first job was just getting us through school.

We have come a long way and now I think my job is soother or something like that now. I believe that at first, I was a fractured personality or alter... A small splinter of Cayden that was assigned to just get through school... and it slowly became social things until Cayden learned to do those things for himself or became emotionally capable of doing them himself. He couldn't deal with people.

Cayden and I are very different but kinda similar. It's strange but we're strange. I love who we are now... we kind of have our shit together but it took a long time and we had a lot to learn. I hope this is informational and helpful to someone out there.

We didn't have the internet like it is now and we didn't have Youtube or anything to share with others so I (we) were very alone. (Old as fuck!!! Ha ha!!!!)

I seriously thought that we were the only ones that were damaged. Cayden thought that as well. We have learned since then that there are so many out there struggling. We have a community out there full of people that are getting through it like true heroes! I love all of them and they all have my total support. It's kind of why we wanted to do this.

Okay, I didn't know that Cayden had begun writing this until he asked for help! He's so surprising sometimes and I love this about him. I was all for helping him! It's what I'm here for!

I am much more... energetic. I'm bouncy and less subtle than Cayden. He's quieter and subtle. I LOVE to talk with people so if I get too annoying, he will stop me and redirect the story! I love exclamation marks and long sentences in my texts while Cayden's texts will be like three words! I'm a talker and Cayden isn't... that's the biggest noticeable difference.

I tend to leave lights on when I leave a room and Cayden leaves cabinets open in the kitchen... all the time. It annoys everyone! I know the light thing annoys Cayden, it's probably why I do it! Ha ha!!!

Roman will organize cabinets so that we have no idea where things are and he will leave our license in the back pocket of a pair of jeans so that Cayden spends days looking for it and then ordering a new one... only to find it a month later in some jeans in the drawer! It's happened twice!

We are our own people!

I love to shop for anything and drink coffee and dress up nice. I love to look pretty. Cayden doesn't care. Clothes are clothes to him... whatever! I roll my eyes a lot at all my boys in our system.

I spent a lot of years pretending to be someone else so it was so freeing to be myself and I know that the others feel this way also!

We haven't discovered freedom yet in this story but we get there... So this might be a spoiler? Sorry!!!

Eating was always a challenge also because well, Cayden is left handed... none of us are. But he's ambidextrous so he used his right hand a lot to cover for us. We were a team. I love spicy food and no one else does so we didn't eat spicy food.. You get the idea. We masked a lot and hid a lot of things just to be normal. I rolled my eyes because 'normal' is so subjective. I hate that word. Who in the hell is normal?

I'm a talker... Cayden isn't so that was something I couldn't change... it's who I am. Cayden has always been quiet and I have always been... not quiet. It's another easy way to tell us apart.

Soooo.... This may not be a smooth story, in case you haven't noticed! I know that you have noticed. Sorry about it but I hope it's entertaining!

Cayden and I (Cay) share the host spot. We are both pretty dominant. Our other personality, or alter, Dusk, doesn't like to be the main host. He's passive unless he is protecting us and then he is sexy as fuck! Sorry, but he is so bad ass when he wants to be and it's sexy! Trust me on this!

By this time in our lives, early thirty, we barely have a handle on this DID. We were no longer ignoring it but we weren't really talking about it either.

Before we got to the parents house, We decided not to mention the DID thing to Dean. We should but the timing wasn't right and we have never told anyone. We were going to wait and see what happens. Dean was doing well with the guy thing so why push it. He's fragile, like a little flower!

I just recently got a name... Cady. Dean named me and didn't even know it. I always went by Cay because it was a shorter version of Cayden, our full name.

We loved the name Cady and I changed it to this name. It was much more feminine and I was much more feminine than Cayden. I don't even know how that is possible! He can be very girly or almost manly... he's so versatile. 

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So good to meet you all and I look forward to future trouble that Cayden and I get into!!!!!!!!!!!

 Cady!