My Broken Bowl

So We Moved

So, we moved. I'm sure what the catalyst was but we made a drastic move. I think we needed some time alone. We had a friend from college that lived in the gorgeous state of Colorado and we moved there for five years.

Our girls were older. Ariel was thirteen by then. Time really flew. Our youngest was four when we moved. She grew up in Colorado... in the mountains. It snowed a lot there.

Dean joked about winter there until we experienced it. He grew up in a snowy state but this was more. And I loved it. I loved Colorado. Except...

I worked and when we first arrived, Dean worked. I found myself at a hospital job, I went back to school and got my PA. Physician's Assistant degree. The hospital paid for it. It was hard work but I did it. It was a great job and I was happy.

And we are not judging here...

Judgment free zone....

Dean wasn't happy. I didn't know this for a while. I was busy with myself. I was making something of myself. I was becoming better. Dean wasn't. He never complained and never said anything but I could tell he missed being a firefighter. He missed his friends and our cookouts.

Dean didn't hold a job for long there. He began smoking pot and drinking every night with the neighbor. I was busy with the kids and my job. Maybe it was my fault too. Probably.

Cady agreed. It was our fault too. I was dealing with ridiculous circumstances. I had five personalities, three girls and Dean. And my full time job. I was busy.

Dean wasn't, I guess. We stopped talking very much and there was a decline in our sex life. I barely noticed because I was working a lot and there were a lot of switches in one day. I feel like the more chaotic my schedule got, the more the DID got out of control.

So, our neighbors were like, hey lets go onto the river and float it. You get floaties and lay on them. Sounded fun. Dean was working on this day and it was hot. I was like sure.

Stupid.

I was the last to get in the fast flowing water with my four year old. No life jacket. I had no idea what to expect and in hindsight, I wouldn't have done it. I screwed up. I know. I know safety first but she said...'we do it all the time and it's totally safe!'

Right. She was a drunk idiot. Grrr.

I couldn't get Delilah on her floaty and everyone was already gone. No one waited for me. She slipped on a rock and went under. The current was fast and strong. I threw my leg out and caught her. Luckily. I had never been so scared.

Actually, my other alter, Dusk, saved her. He took over and threw his leg out but whatever. He gets the credit for being quick and I was grateful for him. He saved her life. I finally get her on the tube and I am exhausted. I just hung on to her tube for my life as it dragged my body with it.

What I knew then was my leg was messed up. This little girl took my knee out like a football player but we were on the river in the middle of nowhere. Great.

We finally meet up with the others and get my floaty that I didn't have. So far, not fun. I couldn't stand to get on it so I had to crabwalk onto it and I looked ridiculous. But I had a floaty and frayed nerves and my knee was fucked.

After all that trauma, we floated for three and a half hours while that dumb woman drank the whole time. Nice. I was miserable. Her boyfriend kept checking on me though, which was nice for him.

Getting out of the river was harder than getting in! Fuck me. We got everyone stopped but the exit was a very steep and rocky hill. Everything in Colorado was a fucking mountain. Great.

I crawled up it. On my hands and knees, on sharp rocks. Great. I couldn't put weight on my leg. I'm so glad we did this. I am also learning sarcasm from Roman... And to top things off, my truck wouldn't start.

This was a great day...

And Delilah was so upset that she hurt me that she didn't have fun. It's been years ago now and she is ten now, and she still apologizes Ha ha! We joke now. I say something snarky and she jokes about taking my other knee out. She's fun. I love her!

So we get home after calling for a ride and I wait for Dean to take me to the hospital. The one I work at! So, I am filthy and broken as I crawl into the hospital.

Things were different now. Years ago, Dean would have carried me in but he dropped me at the door and I almost crawled in. I could not stand up at all. I noticed the difference and I was scared.

After a useless ER visit, I made a specialist appointment and after several x rays and an MRI, I had to have surgery. Yeah! My knee was fucked up. Doctors' words! Ha ha. He was the doctor that I worked with a lot.

Dean' job carried the insurance, until I hurt myself. The day after my MRI, He walked out of his job. No more insurance. What? I mean he just walked out without a thought for me or our kids or our bills. Nope, just got mad and left.

I had to sign up for insurance from my work and wait thirty days for my surgery. I had thirty days on crutches. I was pissed. I felt like he just cared more about himself at that time.

But I got my knee fixed.