AYANDA: Another Chance At Love

Chapter 17

While I was busy house hunting, the front door opens and my dearest husband walks in carrying a bouquet of flowers, weird. "maGumede, good morning", "hi" I smile. "Uhm, I got your sms..." he says taking a seat next to me.

Is he honestly referring to the sms I sent a while ago? Like did he only see it this morning? "oh..." that's all I manage to say. "look Muzi before you go any further with this, I was thinking we consider co-parenting, I don't think we are working out, it isn't good for my emotional health..." he cuts me off.

"where is all of this going Aya? Are you leaving me?" this guy cannot be serious right now, he smells of some female's perfume and shower gel but has the audacity to ask me that nonsense?

"Muzi should I remind you what happened during our first... Actually my first pregnancy, considering that you were never present, I Lost my baby Muzi, after losing my whole family, after losing you, I lost my baby, did you ever take time to actually find out how I feel about the loss of OUR child?, is there anything you ever did to show support? All you've ever done was cause me pain and choose other women over me, you made me feel worthless, made me feel like I'm not good enough, reminded me about my imperfect body, yet I still stayed! Because I had so much faith in us that even when you did all of those hurtful things I'd pray for you, for us, I'd ask and plead with God to gift us with a child then maybe, just maybe you'd be a better man for me, yet none of that worked because this was never about love in the first place, you found comfort in me at your lowest then mistakened it for love"

At this point I'm crying, he is too, it's a mess and honestly the more I open up is the more I feel the weight slowly decreasing off my shoulders, I feel so much better.

"I am supposed to hate you, I'm supposed to want nothing to do with you, but I will not allow my heart to hold any hate, I understand that you cannot fall in love with me, but the least you could've done was at least treat me like I'm human, I didn't expect you to love me, it hurts Muzi, it hurts being constantly compared to other women, I'm tired of living a lie, I'm old enough now compared to back then and I've decided that I don't want this anymore, I'm leaving all of this behind, I wanna start a new life, free from all of this, I'm tired of living for everyone else but myself, I'm sorry"

*Muzi's POV*
Sitting here listening to all that ayanda is telling me just makes me realise how cruel I've been towards her, she's right, she doesn't deserve this, she deserves so much better and for my unborn baby's sake, I'll give that to her, I'll let her live her own life, it hurts which is weird considering that all along I've been telling myself that I am not in love with her but she's been a part of my life for 8 years so obviously I'll feel the pain.

"I'm sorry Aya, sorry for putting you through all of this, I'll let you go, I promise I won't be in your way, I promise I'll be in your life only for the sake of the baby besides that I will not be in your face, you're amazing Ayanda, and you deserve someone who will appreciate you and show you the kind of love that you deserve, I believe that us being apart will be good for the health of our child, I'm sorry that I couldn't love you right. But I promise you, I'll always be there for our child and I'll never allow anyone to put our child through what I've put you through, I care about you and I want you to remember that this will always be your home"

I am trying so hard to not allow myself to breakdown any further, she's in tears and I cannot even hold her, she wipes her tears while nodding at everything that I am saying. "I want a divorce Muzi..." then she drops the bomb, what will I say to my parents? My family is so fond of Ayanda to a point where they treat her as their own so now that she wants a divorce this will break them.

"look at it this way, we'll always be part of each other's lives for the sake of the baby, but I just want us to officially seperate, I want no share of your assets, keep everything, I have my savings I'll be able to start up my own life, I got the job so I'll build on from that, I just want you to set me free" she says, she seems dead set on her decision and I cannot deprive her of her freedom, I've done that enough for the past 8 years

I sigh, "it's fine, I'll contact my lawyer to draft the papers and everything will be finalized as soon as the papers are ready" I say, she nodds while wiping her tears that just keep falling. Now Aya is light in complexion so when she's crying she turns pink and her eyes get puffy, it hurts seeing her beautiful chubby face like this but it's all my fault.

"I think you should consider therapy..." I say, she looks up at me for a moment before she slowly nodds again. But in all honesty I've put her through so much that the only way for her to heal is to firstly break away from me and hopefully get therapy.

*a week later*
Today I am finally moving out to my new place, it's a Saturday and Monday is officially my first day at Clayview High, I'm a grade 11 and 12 accounting and English teacher. I found a 2 bedroom townhouse in midrand, not far from my workplace. It's nothing fancy but I'm just grateful that the neighborhood is safe and gated with securities on patrol.

We haven't told Muzi's family about the divorce, we are waiting for the lawyers to get the documents ready for us then everything can be communicated to them. I haven't heard from nathi since that day when we were watching a movie together.

I'm taking my car with me so that's a relief, traveling won't be much of a hustle. I'm finally moving to my own place, one that I will be paying for with my own money, I'm a working girl and I'm soon to be someone's mother, in just 3 months time my whole life will change completely, I pray that I am able to carry my child to full term, I don't think I'll survive losing this pregnancy, this baby is literally all I have...