The Light Before Dawn (BxB)

Epilogue: Part One

The day's gloomy. The rain stopped, but the sun didn't shine. I was lying on my stomach as I look the empty space right next to me.

Lucas isn't here.

I help myself to get up so I'll know what he's been up to. I enter the bathroom and get my toothbrush right on the sink. After that, I wash my face and headed to the living area.

He's not here.

I look outside expecting that he is sitting in the rattan chair, but then again, he's still not here.

I wonder where he goes, maybe he's by the beach, maybe he's at Jayden's or even at Chloe's or maybe he left me, for good.

I just hope that the latter didn't happen, because I finally have the courage to let myself love him more again. Better than the way I love him before. I am ready to forgive and take the risks before all the shits happened. Di bale nang masaktan, parte 'yon, kasama 'yon. He's worthy. He's worthy of all the pain. From the days the we saw each other again up until yesterday. All I did was to deny all of the feelings I have for him. Kahit na minsan ay nagiging sobra, darating pa rin ang oras na hahayaan ko ang sarili ko, ang puso ko na magdikta sa kung ano ang gusto kong gawin. Nakakatakot masaktan, nakakatakot maramdaman ulit lahat ng sakit at galit na mayroon ako, but seeing him pursuing me, having patience, and giving all of him, I can't help but to fall for it once again.

I accept my defeat. I cannot lose you and I don't want to move forward without you by my side.

I went back to the bed and let myself fell into it. I'll just gonna wait for him and make an excuse to talk to him since that's what all I did yesterday, but yesterday was different from now. He maybe told me to stop after I hugged him, but I won't. It's my time now, Lucas. I hurt you a lot. I caused you a lot of pain and I won't make an excuse just because I am afraid, just because I am mad.

I am ready now. I am ready to be brave again and face the world with you, with us.

During the time that I am waiting for him to come back and lay beside me again, I can't help but to think how he always see me the way I cannot see myself and those Instagram posts made me more aware of that. Masarap sa pakiramdam na malaman kung papaano ako pinahahalagan nito. He even made wrote a poem about me that tells me how much he's longing for me. From every word in every picture in the posts really made my heart felt loved and cared like I am someone who cannot be touch. I gave in, Lucas. Ikaw lang ang may kakahiyan na pasukuin ako, ikaw lang.

It's already ten in morning and I stayed like that for more than an hour. Nagpapalit palit lang ako ng puwesto kapag nangangawit na. Napaupo nalang ako sa paanan ng kama nang magtext si Sam.

"Benj, we'll leave after we eat. Fix your things now, I'll meet you at the restaurant for brunch."

"Got it, Sam. Thank you!" I replied.

I noticed one thing as I head towards the cabinet. Wala ang maleta at bag niya rito. Nang buksan ko ang cabinet sa aking harapan wala na ang lahat ng kaniyang damit. Dali dali akong tumungo sa banyo at nakita na ang gamit niya na dating nagkalat sa sink ay wala na.

Sana ay hindi ka kasama ro'n, Lucas. I'll hold on to hope just like how you always taught me to. I'll hold on to that no matter where it leads me.

Siguro ay baka nasa restaurant na ito, gustong-gusto nang umuwi. Agaran akong nag-ayos ng gamit. Pagkatapos noon ay chineck ko ang lahat kung may nakalimutan ba ako o wala.

My gaze went upon his side table and then I saw ring, our promise ring, the one that I gave him for our first month.

I almost forgot about this if I didn't see this one. I'll just give it back to you, Lucas. Itinapon ko sa dagat ang akin pero gagawan ko ito ng paraan. Magpapagawa akong bago kaya hindi mo na kailangang ibalik ito. Don't be like this, please. Don't leave. I know I'm an asshole. I'm a shitty person, but I am ready to make up everything to you now. From not hearing your explanation, to lying into your face when I saw her kissing you, and to now where I finally realized how much I love you.