I Fell In Love With My Bestfriend

Who To Blame

"Who the hell is she! I don't know her!" Ashton said in frustration. "My head hurts. I don't fucken know who she is or what the fuck happened to me! All I know is, I want to know where the fuck Maria is."

Everyone in the room fell silent and pale as the doctors tried to calm him by giving him sedatives. No one knew how to respond to Ashtons question without him getting riled up again. "Answer me!" Ashton demanded looking around the room. "Tyler? Where is Maria?"

"She's okay." Selena spoke up. "She's just resting at home."

"Good. Good. So she's okay right? No injuries?"

"No she's okay. She'll eventually come to the hospital." Selena lied, but what else was she to do in this case. Ashton was after all being difficult. 

"Can I at least speak to her over the phone?" The doctor looked at Tyler who mouthed 'no'. So the doctor instructed Ashton that he was only to rest and not use his phone for the time being. "Fine." he mumbled. "But one question, where's Chase?" Again the room fell silent, no one knowing how to give him the true answers without causing him more pain than he was already in. "Where is he?" Ashton questioned again looking at each person in the room. 

"He's um..."

"He's what Luke? Where is he? I know Chase is not one to stay away from the group. So where is he?"

"In the cafeteria." Luke blurted. 

"How about everyone leave Ashton to rest for a while. I'm sure he'd like the quiet for some time." The doctor insisted as he knew any bad news would set Ashton off and can cause for him to have a heart attack/seizure/stroke of some kind. So everyone quietly left the room. Tyler approached me and looked at me with sadness in his eyes, not knowing the words to apologize with. 

"You don't need to say anything." I looked at Tyler. "There's nothing anyone can do, we just have to wait it out."

"But-"

"There's nothing to be done Tyler. Let's just go down to the cafeteria and sit." I walked off alone, with thoughts racing in my mind.

Am I the reason for all this, for everyone dying or leaving.

Perhaps I should be the one who leaves. I'm sure everyone would do better without me.

I walked down the stairs, past the cafeteria and out through the front doors of the hospital. I didn't have the courage to go on anymore so I sat down one of the benches along the pathway outside. I watched as the doctors, nurses, patients and others passed by. I felt numb. I had no tears left to cry, or will power left to carry on. I couldn't even pick myself up and head back inside to be with the group. I didn't want them to feel sorry for me for the amount of people I have lost in my life, including the person whom I love the most in this world, it's life after all, there's nothing they can do to change what's happened or what's to come. I saw Tyler coming outside towards me again. 

"Don't." I said as I saw his shadow above me. He didn't say a word, just walked over and sat down beside me. He placed his hand over mine that was resting on the bench seat. 

"I promise it's going to be okay." I smiled and looked at him. "What?" he asked puzzled. 

"You honestly believe that after all we've been through it's still going to be okay? Tyler stop being so delusional. We are not going to be okay. None of this is okay. We just lost one of our closest friends, the other ones got amnesia and can't remember majority of the shit that's happened in these past few months. How can you say it's going to be okay. This all happened because of Maria, but somehow I'm still finding a way to blame myself, because it seems as though everywhere I go, darkness follows, for that reason, I should remove myself from the equation altogether."

"Don't you dare. You hear me. All this shit sucks, I know it does. We can't go back in time to change the events that have already played out, and none of this is your fault."

"Isn't it? Maria sent people after me! You all risked yourselves for me. Why? For what! So what if she'd have gotten rid of me. At least no one else would have gotten hurt. Chase got hurt, Ashton got hurt. All because of me. No one needed to risk their life for me. I mean I'm an orphan. Who would miss me more than a few days, weeks or years."

"Are you even listening the bull shit you're saying! Look at me." Tyler grabbed me face and forced me to look at him. "You are loved more than you know. Chase loved you so much he took a literal bullet. You think we wouldn't have gone after her regardless! Are you crazy! Elena, you are precious to so many people because of your beautiful personality. We all would have risked our lives regardless because of how much each of us love you. You think I wanted any of this? You think I don't blame myself! Cause if we're playing the blame game, then it's me who should get the blame. I'm the one who brought that psycho along. Had I not brought her along, my brother would not be on that damn hospital bed, Chase would not have died, and none of this bull shit would have happened. So if you want to blame someone, blame me! You did nothing." My instant reaction was to hug Tyler and just hold him, which is what I did. Throughout all this I had forgotten to check in on my friends to see how they were doing. 

"You are not at fault either Tyler. You have no reason to blame yourself. None of us do. Maria's the one who caused all this to happen. We can't blame ourselves for any of this." I backed away to look at him, and to my surprise he was in tears. 

"I really am sorry though." Tyler spoke, trying not to cry. 

"Tyler, no. It's not your fault." I wiped away his tears and held him again. "We all are grieving and blaming ourselves, not just you and me, I'm sure the others are finding some way of blaming themselves and wishing they could change the outcomes."

"I just wish all this could have been avoided."

"I know, me too..." I backed out of the hug and stood up, grabbing Tylers hand. "Let's go back inside and check in with the rest of the group." Tyler stood up and we walked back inside, even though I wanted to let go of his hand and walk away, I didn't. I knew that I couldn't leave no matter what. They were my family, and I could not leave my family behind. 

I read a lot of comments saying she's going to walk out because everyone she's ever loved has somehow left and she has no reason to continue. Do you think she will keep fighting for herself and her 'family' or will she do something else? Will Ashton recover? Let me know in the comments what you think is to come next! 

Can't believe this book is so close to being complete, I almost don't want to end it haha. Thank you so much for all the love you have shown towards this book, it's incredible. I never expected for 9 thousand of you to have read this book, let alone one person. I am grateful for all the love this books receiving. Thank you! Have a wonderful day lovelies!