Damaged goods

4

ALYSSA

*4 months later*

The hot water relaxed my tense muscles. I lightly moaned out of satisfaction. I was dreading my therapy lesson. I don't need therapy. That's what my parents don't understand. They never fucking understand.

I snatch the razor that sat at the edge of the bathtub, positioning the razor at an angle to my thigh, and I gradually cut. The blood seeped through every incision I created. The physical pain I'm creating is easier than the pain aching my heart. The feeling of the razor cutting into my skin gave me pleasure. I was in control of the pain. Not Elliot. Me.

"Alyssa, are you okay?" the familiar voice spoke from the other side of the door which made me jump.

I clear my throat, "Yes dad."

"Hurry up please munchkin."

"Okay."

I stood up and the cuts stung as the water passed through them, I stood in front of the mirror and looked at the impostor in front of me. Who was this? This wasn't me anymore. My green eyes lost the shine they once had. I only smiled to give my parents hope that I was getting better but deep down I was far from better. Deep dark circles were created underneath my eyes.
I haven't slept.
In weeks.
I keep getting nightmares.

The memories come back, all. the. time. I can't keep up with them. That was the side effect of the drug he used on me. He wanted me to remember what he put me through, he couldn't let me have peace.

My eyes studied my body. My fingers subconsciously traced over the scar he left on my stomach. An 'E'. None of the scars on my body hurt me as much as this, even the scars I create myself. He's haunting me. Even when he's not here.

It must be me. I must have been the problem. The Elliot I knew never would have done this to me, was I just too unloveable? Could he not love me for me?

"Alyssa." I heard again.

"God, I'm okay leave me alone for a second," I yell back.

I heard him sigh in defeat, "Okay munchkin."

Guilt washed over me, I hate how I'm treating him. He doesn't deserve it, I shouldn't burden him with my problems.

I wrapped a black towel over my body and changed into a hoodie and joggers. My phone vibrated on my bed, I grabbed my phone and glanced at the contact. Tristan. I declined the call. I haven't talked to him or Liv since they left. I shouldn't blame them, I can't. They weren't the reason he came to me. I was. They wouldn't have known but I can't talk to them. I won't talk to them. I'm better off alone. I toss my phone on the bed.

I walked into the kitchen, and as I was about to apologise my eyes froze on a bottle that sat on the counter, I closed my eyes as the memories surged back to me.
He drank. Elliot. Alcohol.
Elliot drank the alcohol. The exact bottle.

I open my eyes, rage took over me. I storm over to the counter and grabbed the alcohol and threw it on the ground. The glass shattered everywhere.

"Alyssa." my dad scolds.

"What on god's earth was that for?" my dad bellows.

I shrug my shoulders, my hands trembling, "You shouldn't drink."

I walk off to my room slamming the door behind me, I sit on my bed, my legs crossed. I close my eyes and attempted to focus my thoughts.

Elliot drank because he was pissed at me for hugging Tristan.

That's it. He was drunk.

I didn't even realise my dad walked into my room until I felt him hugging me.