Damaged goods

8

EZRA

I shut the door behind me and soft whimpers followed from behind the door. My heart ached at the thought of her crying over me. She shouldn't need to cry over me. As much as I wanted to walk back through her door and hold her and comfort her and tell her not to waste any tears falling from her beautiful eyes. I couldn't. She doesn't want me. She's hurt because of me. That's all I do. I hurt people.

I let go of the doorknob and walked into my room.I sat on my bed, my head resting in my hands. I fucked it up. I fuck everything up. Inhaling a deep breath, I opened the drawer beside my bed revealing a bundle of sealed envelopes, I reached to the back of the drawer and grabbed the pack of cigarettes I had bought earlier.

Taking one out of the packet I walk to my window and slowly climbed out, as I balance onto the roof below me, I carefully sit down and gazed at the sight ahead of me. Bright stars filled the sky, the pale crescent moon twinkled luminously over the night sky.

I held the cigarette in my hand and reached into my pocket, grabbing the lighter and instantly setting it alight. The small orange fire burned the bottom half. I set it between my index and middle finger and inhaled in the smoke, I shortly released the smoke from my mouth. All the stress that was created had eased. I felt almost at peace. Taking a few more puffs I had decided on going back inside. Slowly standing up I carefully climbed back into my window.

Heading straight to my bathroom, I brushed my teeth and washed my face, switching the light off and shutting the door behind me, I walked back into my room and got ready for bed. I say get ready for bed but I mean stay up all night, perks of having insomnia.

I usually only manage to get 2 or 3 hours of sleep in the morning, my doctor advised me to stick to a bedtime routine but it didn't work. I have been put on countless medications and they haven't worked. Only then, they had realised it was to do with my mental state. My anxiety and depression are the main reason for my insomnia. They said it's because my mind doesn't relax at night. So, instead of sleeping, I spend the better part of the night reading.

I have always loved reading. In 6th grade, I spent most of my time in the library with Alyssa. It was sort of our thing. As I grew older, I didn't love reading as much as I used to especially after she left. On my 16th birthday, my mom brought me a bunch of books.

Picking up the book from my bedside table, pride and prejudice is a classic love story. Romance novels were my all time favourite.

                                             •••

I glance at the clock on my bedside table, which read 5am. I shut my book and returned it to the book shelf of my room. I figured it was time to get some rest, I laid down waiting for sleep to overtake me. As soon as I thought the sleep would take me, a heart-wrenching scream followed from outside. I jumped from my bed and ran outside my room to see what was happening. Maddie was stood already outside of her room just as worried and frightened as I was. I hastily looked around to see where the scream was coming from.

"Alyssa's room." Maddie whispers.

I ran as quickly as I possibly could into her room, my heart was thumping out of my chest. Her body was thrashing on her bed, it was almost as if she was fighting someone who was on top of her. She was screaming for someone to get off of her. I quickly made my way to the side of her bed and shook her body repeatedly.

"Alyssa," I yell, shaking her body. "Wake up please." I beg.

Her eyes shot open and she shot up from her bed, sweat glistening on her forehead, I pull her into my chest as she began to stutter incoherent sentences.