Damaged goods

18

ALYSSA

Sometimes I wish I was anyone else other than me. Not sometimes I always do. I would do anything to be able to wear the pretty dresses liv wears without any stares from anyone.

The towel wrapped tightly around my body allowed me to see how destroyed my arms were. Scars etched on every inch of my skin. Some were healed but most weren't. I haven't done it in a while, it hasn't been on my mind. I've been distracted.

Days like these where I can't do it. It all floods back, everything he did to me.
The pain he put me through,
how stupid I was to trust him.
It makes me want to cut.
I want control over the pain I have. I held the razor tight in my hand.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.

A knock interrupted my thoughts, and I jumped. I took in a deep breath. "You okay in there?" Ezra askS.

I bit my lip to prevent any cries. "Yes." I managed to bite out.

I look back at the razor in my hand. I put it back in the drawer. I got dressed in a hoodie and joggers. I walk out of the bathroom. "You took your time." Ezra teaseS.

I gave him a small smile and began to walk off. He touches my arm and I step back. "What's wrong with you?" he asks.

"Nothing, I'm just tired."

He doesn't believe me so I just walk downstairs. I pick up my lunch and waited for Ezra to finish in the shower. Ten minutes passed, and Ezra walks downstairs. "Are you ready?"

"You waited for me?" he asks.

"I need to get to school somehow."

"Okay well let's go."

We got in his car. It was midday. Ezra and I didn't have lessons until 12. I look out the window as Ezra drove us to school. I don't know how long I was zoned out until I felt Ezra's hand touch my thigh which snapped me out of my thoughts.

I snap my head to him. "I was calling your name for ages, What's wrong?" he asks.

"Nothing." I lightly smile.

He tilts his head to the side. "You think I believe that?" he laughs. "Tell me what's wrong."

I sigh, and I threw my head back against the headrest. "Are you going to give it up?" I ask.

He shales his head with a grin. "Well I'm just having an off day you know," I mutter, hoping he can understand.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?"

I think about it for a second. I don't think anything could help fill the emptiness in my chest. I shake my head.

"Okay, well do you want to get out of here?"

I raise a brow. "You mean skipping school." I say with a slight smirk.

"Yeah. We can do something you would enjoy. Go to the movies, go to an arcade."

"I'm not sure."

"God Alyssa, I must say you've changed. The Alyssa I knew wouldn't even hesitate." he teases.

"Fuck you first of all. And secondly, let's go."

"That's what I like to hear. Firstly we are going to the movies and we'll sneak into a few."

I laugh. "I must say Ezra you have not changed at all."

He chuckles with me. "By the time the movies are over, there's a carnival going on. I'm taking you."

"Oh, Olivia wanted me to go with her."

"You can go with her another day, I wanna take you today."

"I'm not sure."