[[OLD]] A Handful of Daffodils (Forgotten Series, #7)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

A week later

I kept my head down, jogging around the field. I was aware that some of the warriors were watching me, getting lax in their formations. I did my best to ignore it. Trevor was already screeching so loud it was agitating me, I didn't need him to start doing it to me as well because I wasn't quite sure that I wouldn't end up throwing a punch at him. Dealing with everyone out at the training grounds seemed to always put me and my wolf's hackles up. I wasn't quite sure why. Perhaps it was the snide little remarks about me not having my position, not joining in with the others, or how sometimes some of them made remarks about me still grieving for Chrissie. Or perhaps it was how they spoke about Menza.

I narrowed my eyes as my hands tightened into fists at the thought. A lot of what some people said about her was either super predatory or plain disgusting. Whispers of 'She's weak and has poor blood, just kill her and be done with it', or 'She's pretty enough I wouldn't mind trying her out if given the chance', grated on me and my wolf. They needed to stop talking about her entirely. We didn't like anyone speaking about her like that, let alone the warriors.

I didn't understand the dislike. I really didn't. She was sweet, kind, unfailingly patient, and when she laughed it lit up her entire face and made her nearly glow. Which almost soured my stomach. I liked her. I did. Which wasn't something I was very impressed with. I knew liking her wasn't a problem. It really wasn't. She was too sweet and kind not to like. It was just... I heaved out a deep breath my frown growing. I liked her but I could feel something underneath that wasn't something I approved of. It wasn't her fault that there was a bit of budding attraction, that was all on me.

Chrissie hadn't been gone long, to feel something like that for another female felt wrong, so fucking wrong. It wasn't Menza's fault though. I knew it wasn't but it was hard. I was agitated and irritated all at once. I wanted to tell her to stop being so nice, to stop smiling at me when she did and it made my breath catch in my throat. I wanted to tell her to stop being herself because of what I was feeling. I knew I couldn't, that wasn't fair to her to punish her for something she didn't do or for simply being herself.

It was just hard.

I wanted to deny it, I really did. I wanted to deny that when she beamed up at me and her face rounded out and she looked so fucking happy that my heart thumped hard in my chest. I wanted to deny that when I held her hand, that finely boned hand that reminded me so much of a delicate bird, that my stomach went into knots. I wanted to deny that when she laughed at something I said or did that it made a slight heat curl through my veins. I wanted to deny all of that. I did. But I knew denying it would only make the urge to tell her no or to yell at her to stop, grow worse. She was now comfortable with me, she stopped stuttering and giving those bolstering inhales when she spoke to me. I didn't want to ruin that.

I had to accept how I felt. I hated that I had to because it felt like I was admitting to being a giant failure, that I was tainting Chrissie's memory by letting another female that close. But I also knew that by accepting it, recognizing it was there, and then letting it go, was probably the best thing to do. That and Menza was my friend, one of my only and best friends. I didn't want to ruin that with what I was feeling. I didn't know how it would change our relationship for me to leave my feelings like they were. Her friendship was far more important to me than some budding attraction.

I hated the fact I had to bring it up but I also knew I needed to draw the proverbial line in the sand. Let her know there were lines I wouldn't cross and that it was safer for us to stay on our sides. I knew she would understand. Menza was the most understanding female I had ever met. She would understand and accept it because she would get what I was saying. I wanted to be her friend, that was all I wanted and I knew she would happily accept that.