[[OLD]] A Handful of Daffodils (Forgotten Series, #7)

Chapter Eighty-Six

I stared at Menza, blinking rapidly. I was fairly positive I hadn't heard her correctly. "Pardon?" I stared at her and her cheeks were dark and she looked at the floor as she fiddled with her fingers looking so painfully uncertain and shy.

"I wanted... I want to know what you want in regards to this. Like sex." She said it and I blinked again. I had definitely heard her correct the first time. I was just... I was just a little confused.

"I don't necessarily want anything, Menza." I said it slowly as I carefully moved over to the table.

"Oh." Her shoulders hunched forward and I pulled out and chair and cleared my throat.

"Do you want to sit down and we can talk about what brought this on?" I said it slowly and she nodded and practically shuffled over, her head down. I grabbed the chair beside it and pulled it out, facing it towards Menza before I sat down. "Okay. Let's start at the beginning. What brought this on?" I leaned forward, trying to make myself not as big and as imposing to her as she tangled her fingers together in her lap.

There was a moment of silence before she took a deep inhale. "I was talking to Amber but kept thinking about you touching me and hugging me and kissing my cheeks and I was concerned because my parts are missing and I wasn't sure if that affected me being able to... you know... with you, but Amber told me to talk to you about it and about what we both want so we don't have a miscommunication like this one where you don't want anything and I do." She seemed to blurt it all out and I stared at her for a few moments before rubbing at my face. "I know I am taking Chrissie's place-"

"No." I snapped it out, unable to handle her saying that. "I don't want to hear that, Menza. You aren't taking Chrissie's place. You aren't. You are you and your place is your place." I hated when she said that, I truly did. She wasn't taking over the spot in my heart that Chrissie resided in, she had simply pulled up another chair.

Her shoulders slumped. "I just... you told me you loved me and you keep touching me and I'm just confused." She glanced up at me and I looked at her before giving another sigh.

"I do love you. A lot." I did. I loved her with ever fibre of my being, I knew that and I felt it deeply.

"I just... I just want to know what you want." She nearly choked it out and I shook my head.

"What I do or don't want doesn't really matter." It didn't, what mattered was what she wanted. Menza's boundaries were everything to me and I would enforce them because I knew she wouldn't. I held myself to that standard the moment I decided I wanted to come to her.

"Yes it does." She looked up a but more, confusion making her eyebrows furrow.

I shook my head slowly, clasping my hands together as I looked at her. "No it doesn't. What you want matters. You are the only person who gets to have their wants taken into account." At my words she just looked more confused and her lips pressed together and she gave a small huff as another small silence fell. I waited it out, knowing that she was probably just trying to work out what she wanted to say.

"What you want matters." She said it slowly and I opened my mouth to object but she shook her head. "Because Amber says we need to agree on what we want, if not then we know where we each stand. So I need to know what you want so I can know if it matches what I want." The words were said slowly but firmly and I nodded slightly. That made sense, I just hated the fact that for it to happen, I had to break my rule about influencing her with my wants and feelings.

"Why don't you go first?" I looked at her intently as she lifted her head a bit more. She looked off to the side, her cheeks dark with what I assumed was embarrassment and she looked far too adorable as she frowned slightly.