[[OLD]] A Handful of Daffodils (Forgotten Series, #7)

Chapter Eighty-Nine

The next day

I felt raw in a way I had never felt before. Cracked open, split down the middle at the hurt I felt over what had been done to me. Simon acting as he had, doing as he had, opened my eyes to just how wrong it all was. All those excuses, all those moments where I rationalized it to myself, were gone and I was able to see the stark ugliness of what had happened to me.

I hated it because it hurt.

So much.

Like it was a deep and aching bruise that was slowly surfacing, beating a painful reminder at me every time it brushed against my clothing. I had been reduced to rubble and had been expected to pick up the pieces and put them back together again. I just didn't know how.

I had gone home, stripped the bedding off my bed in a fit of rage, yanking the bedding of Brochan's bed before throwing all his clothes into his suitcase and tossing it all out onto the deck as Simon took the bedding to the main house for me. Then I had been alone and it made me feel like I couldn't breathe. I had gasped for air as that raw pain lashed at me. I had held it together, put my girls to bed when they came back and then cried myself to sleep, deep heaving sobs that rattled my entire being.

I hated the feeling. I hated the pain. I hated how raw I felt. I hated how betrayed I had been. I had given him everything, every bit of me and he let it happen and then piled more onto me. It made me want to heave into the scrambled eggs I was making for Maeve. So I shoved it all down, pushed it to the back because I had to take care of my girls. I didn't have time to fall apart. I truly didn't.

"Eggs." Maeve banged on her high chair tray and I nodded as I scooped the eggs onto a plate for her.

"I know, my love. I'm making you eggs." I set the pan down and picked up her plate. I carried it over to her and set it on her tray before bending down and kissing her sleep mused curls, my eyes burning.

I hated feeling like I was. I hated it.

We had been happy. I had been ignorant but I had been happy and now... now there was so much between Brochan and I that I didn't know if we could ever get over it. What he had done... what he had allowed to happen... it was too raw of a wound to look at closely. So I shut it out. I knew it would be easier to shut it out than to break down because of it. My girls needed me.

"Tanks." At the happily said word I smiled and kissed her the top of her head again, smoothing down her curls as the pain radiated through my chest. I swallowed hard as I moved back into the kitchen, cleaning the pan and the dishes I had used. I didn't feel like eating anything right yet, my stomach rebelled at the very idea.

There was a knock on the door and before I could say anything it was pushed open and I found myself smiling, despite the ache in my chest, when I saw Simon. "Come in." I set the spatula in the dish rack before drying my hands as Simon grinned at me.

"Hey, Enza. Nice digs." He came in and moved right over to Maeve, kissing her cheeks. She held up a handful of egg for him and he chuckled. "No thank you, Miss Mayberry. You eat up though." He kissed the top of her head before he moved over to me, pulling me into a hug as Ellie came through the door, followed by Lisa. Although the female lingered in the doorway, as if apprehensive.

I swallowed hard at that. "Please, come in." She looked at me and nodded, coming in and shutting the door. I hugged Simon tight, burying my face into his chest.

"How you doing?" He whispered it and I just shook my head. I wanted to breakdown but I knew I couldn't, not yet, not now. "I won't apologize for doing it. It needed to be done but I'm sorry for how it hurts you." The words were a comfort and I nodded. He was right, it had needed to be done. It had. No matter what I felt about and how raw and broken and cracked I was on the inside. It needed to happen.