A Hero Lost: A Star Wars AU

Chapter 33: Monster

When Ahsoka awoke, she was in what appeared to be a small room in an old stone building, yet several pieces of high-tech equipment surrounded her. No doubt, this was the rebel base.

How long had she been out? The last thing she remembered was getting on the back of General Tandin's speeder. Did she pass out again?

As she came to her senses and tried to sit up, she realized there was a medical droid standing over her.

"Rest," the droid said, as pain and aches shot through her body.

She guessed all this injury was from that explosion at the base. She never really had the chance to realize just how injured she was in the jungle.

She laid back down. Everything was sore, as if all the duress she had endured while serving the Empire had suddenly manifested while she was out.

As an inquisitor, she had been taught to ignore pain. Now, she the pain was all she could feel, whether it be physical or emotional.

She knew there was only one person she could talk to it about.

"Lux," Ahsoka muttered to the droid. "Bring me Lux."

"Lux Bonteri has mostly recovered from the blast already," the droid replied. "I will let him know you wish to see him."

The droid exited the room.

Ahsoka realized there was a mirror, albeit cracked, beside her bed.

She took a look at herself. Instead of the fierce, tough, warrior she used to be, she saw a tired, bruised, and scarred face. Instead of the glowing hatred in her eyes, they had changed to a tired, deep blue, and her right eye was bruised. She was still wearing the Imperial armor, but it had become incredibly tattered. There were spots that had been torn open by the blast, or deliberately cut open by the droid to reach wounds. There were stitches and bandages all over her.

She looked back up at the ceiling and let out a deep moan.

The door opened, and the droid walked in with Lux.

"Ahsoka! You're awake!" he said. "You passed out again on the speeder bike back to base. Droid says the blast got you a lot worse than it got me. We took care of most of the big wounds, but it might be a while before the pain goes away. I was waiting beside you for you to wake up, but I had to talk with Tandin on a few things and I guess I just got unlucky."

"He speaks the truth," the droid said. "He was very worried for you."

"...why?" Ahsoka muttered. "Why did you come back for me? Why do you still... how can you say you love me, after all I tried to do to you?"

"Because Ahsoka Tano was the most kind, caring, good-willed, and powerful person I had ever known. And I knew that, under thick cloud of the Empire, that was who you really were at heart."

"I... no," Ahsoka said, "I... I've done things you couldn't fathom. Committed atrocities not even the Separatists would even think of doing. Lux, you deserve someone better than me. All I deserve is... death."

"How can I deserve someone better than you when you're the best there is?" Lux replied.

"Stop it," she replied. "I'm not the best. I'm a monster."

"You're not a monster," Lux said. "That's not how I see you."

"Then clearly, your vision is flawed," she replied.

She rolled over onto her stomach and let her face rest on her arm.

"I don't know who I am anymore, Lux. I'm not a Jedi. I hate the Jedi, and-"

She paused.

"No," she continued, "I can't let my thirst for revenge control my actions any longer. Not like I have a choice, anyways."

"You don't have to be a Jedi," Lux said, as Ahsoka rolled back onto her back.

"Then what else could I be?" She asked.

"Something else. Something new. Something different."

Ahsoka sighed.

"Ahsoka, you know what? You don't even have to 'be' anything. You don't have to be a Jedi, you don't have to be an Inquisitor. You can forge your own path."

"Lux... he won't let me, he'll kill me."

"What, talking about Vader?" he replied. "Look, we'll-"

"You don't understand," Ahsoka said. "This entire rebellion... Lux, it's all doomed. He'll come looking for me. And he'll kill anyone who gets in his way. It's best if everyone who knows I'm here leaves the planet. Oh, and wipe that droid's memory banks, too."

The droid was silent, and was unable to make much of an expression. However, she could still tell it was offended in some form.

"That includes Tandin," Lux said. "Without him, this entire thing unravels. Besides, he'll die before he gives up anything."

"I've heard that phrase all too many times from my own prisoners, Lux. But... we would torture them with the Dark Side, force their minds to unravel and open up their secrets. It was... well, I enjoyed doing it, but now, it feels... I don't even know..."

"Wait, you never did that to me," Lux inquired.

"I had a habit of toying with my prisoners, I... found some crooked joy in their suffering. Making fun of them, almost. If nothing turned up, I'd force their minds open. Ugh, what sort of fool was I?"

"Ahsoka, I... you're not a fool. I... you never really wanted to do any of that, didn't you? You just kept telling yourself this was necessary for your revenge? And there was something- no, someone else, keeping you locked in fear."

Ahsoka looked him dead in the eyes.

"I... I... I couldn't have put it better myself. Literally. I didn't realize that until now. How did you even..."

She paused for a moment.

"You... can feel the Force, can't you?" Ahsoka asked.

Lux nodded slowly.

"I think so, at least," he replied.

Ahsoka sighed.

"I... I still don't have the fondest feelings for the Jedi. I still feel this pull to the Dark, this lust for revenge... but at this point, I can't follow it back. Vader will kill me. If we even want a hope of surviving, you and your friends need to go offworld and this rebellion needs to lay low for a while."

"And what will you do?" Lux asked.

Ahsoka sighed again and reached her hand out to Lux.

He grabbed it.

"Lux, I keep feeling this... this irresistible urge for you. I feel like... I feel like the Force has me on a collision course with you."

"'Soka, are you sure you're not tired and delusional? You're acting, like, really different than you were mere hours ago."

"Lux, when you said you loved me, something in me gave. I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to push it back down and kill you, but... well, that didn't work out, and now I'm here."

"You love me, admit it," Lux remarked.

Ahsoka rolled her eyes.

"Fine... I guess I can stop lying to myself now. I love you too, Lux."

"I always knew you did," He replied with a smile.

He leaned in, and Ahsoka wrapped his arms around him and pulled him in for a kiss.