A Hero Lost: A Star Wars AU

Chapter 38: Sleepless

Ahsoka tossed in turn in her bed. Something was nagging at her, keeping her awake.

It was nearly silent. While the clanking and whirring of all the droids sometimes made it hard for her to take a nap during the day, most of the droids were recharging at night, except for the B2 unit, which was watching over the fields for any attackers.

No, it wasn't any noise. It wasn't anything she could feel. In fact, physically, she felt good, and she was still extremely tired from Onderon, meaning sleep should come easy. No, it was something that was nagging at her from the far reaches of her mind, as if she could hear voices screaming, and then being silenced, one by one.

"Can't sleep?" asked Lux, who was in bed beside her.

"No," Ahsoka groaned in response. "can you?"

"Me neither," Lux said. "I... I can't shake some unholy feeling off of me..."

"Same here. It feels like... death."

"Really? Is that what it is?" Lux questioned. "To me, it just feels... well, I don't know what it is, but it feels... painful."

It was sort of known between the two of them that Lux was in fact force-sensitive, though they had virtually no way of obtaining a midi-chlorian test to prove it, unless Senator Organa had something laying around somewhere for that. Either way, an untrained Force-sensitive normally had a hard time understanding the cryptic messages or feelings one would receive through the Force.

"I can't feel exactly what it is either, but it can't be anything good," Ahsoka continued, sitting up. "Maybe we should check the news?"

"Even if it's some kind of major event, I don't think it'll be on the news just yet," Lux stated, as he sat up as well.

"Won't hurt to check," Ahsoka replied, pulling out her holoprojector.

"Do you really want to know?" Lux asked. "I mean, curiosity killed the tooka."

Still, she turned it on and checked some of the most recent stories on the local news. If this had anything to do with Hollastin, it would surely come from a local news station or perhaps even a statement from the Daimyo.

Nothing.

She then took a look at some of the galactic news networks, although most (if not all) of those networks were either run by the Empire or were forced to keep a pro-Imperial tone.

Just when she thought she had found nothing, one headline from a few minutes ago stood out:

"Onderon bombardment roots out rebels, traitorous insurgents defeated."

And, suddenly, she froze. she felt as if she had been encased in ice, unable to move. Her arm lowered, and the holoprojector slid out of her hand. Her breaths quickly accelerated to hyperventilation, and she fell back onto the bed.

"Ahsoka!?" Lux yelled. "Ahsoka, what happened!!"

But she felt as if she couldn't hear him.

This... all of this... was because of her. And it was her fault. The retribution she had feared Vader would dish out had finally arrived. And now, Onderon was suffering, and she had failed to stop it. Instead, she just ran like a coward.

"Ahsoka! Ahsoka, listen to me!"

Lux's frantic yelling finally came through as Ahsoka came to her senses.

"Ahsoka," he continued, "you're here with me. I'm here for you. Calm down, please. Now breathe in... breathe out. Breathe in... breathe out."

Ahsoka's hyperventilation began to slow as Lux calmed her down.

"Lux..." she moaned in tears, "Lux, it's-"

"Yeah, I know, I saw that headline you pulled up," he said. Now that she noticed, Lux did seem to sound a little shaken as well, yet was shockingly composed. "There wasn't anything you could do," he continued.

"No, I... I just ran, Lux, I just hid... Oh, why did I-"

She paused. Her tears began to dry as a realization dawned on her. Maybe she couldn't have done anything, maybe she could've... but she could still help to stop this from happening ever again.

"Ahsoka?" Lux asked.

"Senator Organa's offer," Ahsoka said. "I'm taking it."

"Huh?" Lux questioned. Up until now, Ahsoka had seemed completely intent on remaining hidden, and making no moves that could potentially reveal herself to the Empire.

"I can't hide in fear while the Empire is doing this," Ahsoka continued, sitting back up. "I'll have to work from the shadows to keep us safe, but... if it means stopping the Empire, well... this is risky, but it's a risk I'm willing to take."

Lux put his hand on Ahsoka's cheek.

"Now, that's the 'Soka I remember," he said. "Always ready and willing to stand up for the right cause, no matter the risk, just to save those who need saving. I don't care what you did while working for the Empire, 'Soka, and it's never too late to see the errors in your ways and atone for your misdeeds. And I don't care what anyone else says, because if they're not there for you, then I am, and I will be until the bitter end."

Ahsoka started crying again, whether they were tears of joy or sadness, she did not know.

"Thank you," she said.

Finally, she and Lux leaned in for a kiss. Once again, it felt as if nothing mattered in that moment, except for the two of them, and everything would be okay, so long as they were together.

Finally, their lips parted.

"I'm doing this," she said. "I'm going to do it. I have to. I'm gonna make sure the Empire pays for thi-"

She paused, realizing she was letting her old desires for revenge flare up again.

"Ahsoka," Lux said, "please, always remember, you're not doing this to get back at the Empire, you're doing this for the good of everyone. I don't want to know what happens if you let that desire consume you again."

"Don't worry, Lux. I... I can't... no, I won't let that happen to me. I know what it's like to be devoured whole by the desire for revenge. I'm doing this for everyone. And for you."

Lux nodded and embraced Ahsoka.

"I know," he replied softly.

The two fell back on the bed, holding each other until they both fell asleep in each other's arms.