breaking point ; mileven.

thirteen.

a cigarette was placed between el's lips as she sat on the same rotten train track that dark night.

her eyes shut as she blew out the smoke and she licked the corner of her lips, feeling the taste of her salty tears.

"kid," she heard a voice and her eyes opened.

she didn't bother to turn and only waited till he sat down beside her.

"you haven't been here in a week!" he said it a bright tone and her eyebrows furrowed.

how did he know?

he continued on as he showed her a white plastic bag. "pick your pick. i assumed you would be a chip over candy person but i brought everything— fucking hell, i didn't bring the m&m's today."

she looked up and then back down at the bag before she let out a wide smile. "i don't have a favourite.. i don't eat candy or chips much."

"well try something then. i'm sure you have a favourite, kid," he encouraged and she shrugged and dug her hand through the bag to pull out a small pack of doritos.

"there.." she whispered and looked away.

"so what do you do here? it's pretty boring isn't it? no view, no nothing.." he tried to build a conversation with her.

"i talk myself out of suicide." she answered quietly with a small smile.

she barely knew the man, she had no point to hide. she didn't need to protect his feelings, not to make him worry.

he didn't say he loved her. she didn't feel the guilt to lie.

"it's like two people fighting in my brain. ones telling me that it'll end, i can make it through. push through. the other is fighting back saying it won't. saying that it will never end so why not just end it now? end it and there won't be as much pain," she explained to him and he didn't cut in and interrupt between her small pauses.

"and then i go home and i pretend i'm fine, i wake up to pretend and somehow that is the best part. knowing no one knew what i thought." her smile slowly faded a bit and changed into a sad one.

"guess who is winning?" she turned to him.

he gently shook his head and shrugged.

"the one wanting me to just end it." she let out a super wide smile for a second then it drops.

she opened the bag of chips then placed once into her mouth, "anyways.. why are you here? i'm sure a lot of crime happens around here, it's new york."

he let out a small chuckle, "yeah.. but after i saw you, i kinda wanted to check on you first, kid."

"because i'd kill myself?" she asked theoretically, "trust me, you'd probably see it on the news or your phone."

his eyebrows furrowed.

"brenner." she pointed to herself. "eleanor brenner. how lovely isn't it?"

he stared at her with his head tilted a bit to register the information. "oh,"

"yay me, right? just so lucky of me." her voice cracked a bit as she tugged on the end of her jacket.

"everything shown to the world.. yet not one part of it is real. just a fantasy that i wish to live in." she whispered as he frowned at her words.

just as he was about to speak, a voice came from his walkie talkie. "runaway speeder on highway 22. anyone near?"

hopper exhaled and talked back, "yeah, i got it."