The One After [SHAWN MENDES]

Chapter 30

The silence after I told Shawn my plans was unsettling, but I knew he was still there because I could hear his hotel TV in the background.

"What do you think?" I asked.

"That's not going to work for me. I've got a bunch of connections in Miami and I already made plans with them. Plus a couple people in my family said they might come to the show, so obviously we can't have the kind of weekend we'd want if I'm pulled in other directions. What about Dallas?"

His slightly anxious tone of voice set off alarms in my brain. He was making excuses for me not to come, but they didn't sound valid. There was obviously something else going on, and that something started with a C. The whole time we were together in Vegas, she'd mostly stayed out of my thoughts, but suddenly she was back. Miami was her home. Did he have plans with her?

"My dad needs me to help at the bakery the weekend of the Dallas show, so I can't do that," I told him truthfully. "There's a wedding that he's doing cake, bread, and pastries for, and I said I would pitch in."

"I wish I could see you, but I'll be home in just over a month."

"Will you be in Toronto a long time?" I asked.

"I'm taking a couple weeks to decompress but then I need focus on my next album. I've got a lot of it done, but there's still work to do. I'll be in California and maybe upstate New York to record."

"You're never home for very long," I said sadly as that fact sunk in. It would be very difficult to have a serious relationship with him if he was always gone.

"I want to spend more time in Canada. My Europe leg doesn't kick off until May, so I should be around off and on. I was saying to my mom earlier that the next seven months might end up being the most time I've ever spent in my condo," he told me.

"I bet your family is happy about that."

"You have no idea," he muttered.

"What do you mean?"

"Let's just say I neglected them for a period. Part of that was COVID related but not all of it."

"Speaking of family, I've got a huge dinner with mine on Sunday. It's my grandma's 80th birthday and my Uncle Sal is hosting everyone at his house."

"How many people will be there?" he asked.

"Probably around thirty. It'll be chaotic, but the food will be so good. Or at least good to me. You wouldn't eat any of it." I liked teasing him about his food restrictions, though secretly they drove me a little nuts. It was another thing that would make a relationship with him hard. It was no big deal when we saw each other occasionally, but if we were together a lot, I'd have to eat like him, which I did not enjoy. I was a carb-loving carnivore.

He chuckled. "I wouldn't eat it, but I'd be very tempted. I need to go, Lucy. I'll call you tomorrow."

After we hung up, I replayed the part of the conversation about Miami in my mind. Was I being paranoid thinking he didn't want me there because of Camila?

I texted the girls.

Pizza at my place tonight?

I need to pick your brains.

They both responded that they were in.

"How much do you know about their relationship and their break-up?" Fallon asked as we sat at the table eating one of my uncle's famous 'Kitchen Sink' pies.

"I know what everyone knows, but Shawn has never opened up and given me the real story. I know how they got together after Señorita and how they seemed to be everywhere kissing and holding hands. Then there was all the COVID stuff like the zombie walk, which was amusing at the time. It seemed like they broke up out of nowhere, but I overheard his mom saying that they'd had problems before that."

Briya looked up from her phone. "I just googled. There's speculation that they were on the outs as early as August because that's when his fans say he recorded the first break-up song."

"If he's still hung up on her and wants to reunite, it's been a year, which is treading into unhealthy territory. Do you think you're just a distraction until he gets her back?" Fallon questioned.

"I've considered that. I don't follow her, so I have no idea if she is pining away for him."

"Rumor is she had a fling with her costar from Cinderella. That doesn't sound like pining away to me," Briya remarked.

"Could have been a revenge fuck," Fallon quipped. "You never know."

"Shawn and Camila said they were staying best friends, but I don't get why that would make him so uneasy about me going to Miami. He shut the idea down completely and his reasons felt forced. If he was lying, what truth is he covering up?"

Fallon took another slice. "Seems like a red flag, but things aren't always what they seem. The bigger issue is that he never talks about her with you. Most people love to moan and groan about their ex, but you say he's tight lipped. Why? What's he hiding?"

I shrugged. "Maybe nothing. I think I prefer him not talking about her to the other extreme. It's nice that he isn't making her a part of our thing."

"Your thing. You met him in June and it's still just a thing. How do you feel about that?" Fallon asked.

"I don't really care that we don't have a label, because that's kinda childish. Besides, even if we met in June, we haven't seen a lot of each other because of his tour. I saw him six times before Vegas. That's not very much."

"My parents got engaged after their fourth date," Briya shared. "So I guess it depends on how intense those times were."

It had been intense in Las Vegas, but only when we were alone. "Do you think he's keeping our thing a secret because he doesn't want Camila to know he's met someone?" I asked.

"There only one way to find out. You two need to discuss this. You need to lay out all your questions and concerns and see if he's willing to be honest with you. You also need to know where he stands with her before you get too invested," Fallon said.

"I'm already too invested."

"Oh fuck! Are you in love?" Briya asked excitedly.

"Yes. I love him."

Fallon hugged me. "That's all the more reason to get to the bottom of this."

"I'm going to wait until he's home," I told my friends. "I don't think this is a conversation we should have over the phone, mainly because I want to see his face."

Briya nodded. "Very smart. In the meantime, enjoy what you have."

After the girls left, I packed away the remaining slice of pizza which I'd have for breakfast in the morning. Then I got ready for bed and climbed under my comforter with my journal and a pen.

LOVE is a Many Splendored Thing
All You Need is LOVE
Let LOVE Rule
Crazy in LOVE
Can't Help Falling in LOVE
Somebody to LOVE
Endless LOVE
Best of My LOVE
Higher LOVE
Chapel of LOVE
Whole Lotta LOVE
Puppy LOVE
Addicted to LOVE
LOVE Somebody

And of course...
Summer of LOVE

There are so many songs about love. My mom told me once that over fifty percent of all songs are about this topic. It makes sense...it's a universal subject that crosses all generations and cultures. Until now it's been an enigma to me. I understood it in a logical level, and obviously I love plenty of people, but real romantic love is new to me. It's terrifying, but it's also wonderful. I like going to sleep at night thinking about Shawn and then waking up and recalling some sweet thing he said or did. I like the way my heart flutters when I see he's calling. I like the way his voice sounds when he's talking to me: like I'm the only person that matters to him in that moment. I like it all.

Except...

Except I don't like not knowing if he loves me, too.

I also don't like not knowing how he feels about Camila. Every time I play his music and hear the words he's written for her, I feel like I have no chance of ever having his love. Even after they broke up, he referred to her as "the only girl that matters." If that's true, I don't stand a chance.