The One After [SHAWN MENDES]

Chapter 52

The girls and I never exchanged gifts since all of us were on a pretty tight budget, but every Christmas season we treated ourselves to a nice dinner out. We were waiting to be seated at Tutti Matti, a trendy Italian restaurant on Adelaide Street, when I heard Shawn's voice play over the sound system in the lobby.

"For fuck's sake," Fallon seethed. "I wonder if they can skip to another song. Let me ask the hostess."

I grabbed her arm. "It's okay. I can handle hearing one song." My friends had no idea that I often cried myself to sleep listening to an entire playlist of his music.

"I hate him," Briya said bitterly. "I'll never watch his movie even though I love reading that book to my students."

While I appreciated the loyalty, this wasn't what I needed right now. "Please don't say that. He's a great guy, but we weren't meant to be. Both of us made mistakes and the breakup was mutual. I don't like when either of you paint him as a villain, because he's not one."

"You're way too nice, Lucy. He entered into your relationship knowing he was never going to fall in love with you. That's shitty," Fallon said.

"First off, ouch. Can we maybe not discuss the fact that he didn't love me? That's the hardest part of all this. Unrequited love is miserable! Secondly, he was open with me about what he wanted. It's not his fault I fell in love."

"Are you still in love?" Briya asked softly.

I nodded but didn't respond. For reasons I couldn't understand or explain, I loved him more now than I had when we were together. Not having him in my life brought clarity to how important he'd been and how there was now a huge void in my heart.

"Atwood, party of three?" the hostess called out to the crowd in the lobby. We walked over and she smiled at us. "We've got a lovely table for you. Maribeth will take you to it and will go over tonight's specials."

Our 'lovely' table happened to be right near the restrooms at the back, but we didn't complain. After listening to the server highlight the menu, we each ordered a Paper Plane, which was made of Amaro nonino, aperol, bourbon, and lemon juice, since it felt festive. My vow to not drink for the rest of 2022 went out the window after Shawn left my life. I wasn't overdoing it, but I'd indulged in a couple wine-drunk nights with my friends.

When we got our cocktails a few minutes later, Briya raised her glass. "Cheers to friendship! Life might be hard at times, but at least we always have each other."

I couldn't help but notice that she and Fallon locked eyes as we clinked glasses. When we met in college, they were already friends, and I initially felt a little on the outside. Eventually I let go of this insecurity, but every now and then I sensed that they were closer than I was with either of them. Considering I had issues with letting people in, this was understandable.

The drink was delicious, so we opted for another round before ordering the Toscano charcuterie board. We nibbled on that while talking about our holiday plans, since it was only a week until Christmas Eve.

"I don't like going to my aunt's," Bri whined, "but my family rotates every year and it's her turn to host. She loves to joke about how she's a bitter old spinster, and that makes me so uncomfy!"

"I should talk to her since that's gonna be me in a few years," I joked.

"Shut up!" Fallon said. "You are amazing and you are going to meet someone far better than Shawn Mendes."

She didn't realize that our server, Maribeth, was standing right behind her. The young woman leaned over and whispered, "Please don't call attention to Mr. Mendes. We like to ensure that our guests enjoy their dining experience without interruptions."