The One After [SHAWN MENDES]

Chapter 103

"Did you really think you were a rebound in the dream?" Shawn asked as we snuggled in bed after returning home from dinner.

"Unfortunately, yes. I was pretty insecure about us because I was convinced you were still in love with Camila."

"Have you felt that way in reality?"

"I've had a few brief moments of anxiety, but it was nothing like the dream. This might sound nuts, but I learned from the dream. I've asked you questions instead of overthinking everything to death. It helps that you've been very open with me and have never given me a reason to seriously doubt what we have," I explained.

"If the dream had a positive impact on you, why didn't you tell me about it once we got to know each other?"

"It's embarrassing."

"But it was out of your control. No one should ever feel bad about a dream."

I nestled my head against his chest. "It's not the fact that I had the dream that made me feel weird, but more how I woke up and was convinced we were a couple. It felt so real that when I was released from the hospital, I searched my apartment for some sign that you'd been a part of my life. When it finally sunk in that none of it happened, I was heartbroken because I love you so much."

He was running his fingers up and down my back, but he stopped abruptly. Lifting my head, I saw a look of confusion on his face. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"You just used the present tense of love."

"I love you, so why wouldn't I?"

Shawn sat upright. "Because you didn't really love me when you woke up from the dream. That wasn't real. You love me now, but that's completely different."

"I loved you so much. Is that semantically better?"

"Yeah, but that's not what you said."

I didn't want to quibble over a verb tense, so I moved on. "I thought about telling you everything once we started talking, but there's no way to say, 'Guess what? While I was in my coma, I had a vivid dream that we were in love,' without sounding a little crazy. I thought it might scare you off."

"I don't know how I would have reacted. I like to think it would have amused me, but the fact that you woke up thinking you were in love with me is a little overwhelming. It could have freaked me out."

He said that the dream was out of my control, yet here he was proving that I was right to have reservations about sharing it. "Maybe it's good I didn't tell you at the beginning of our relationship."

"No. Honesty is always best. If we're meant to be, like I've felt from the start, we would've overcome it." He let out a long yawn. "I'm exhausted after the long weekend, so let's go to sleep."

"You don't have other questions?" I was relieved that he was ending this conversation, but I wanted to make sure we were done and could lay this topic to rest forever.

"Not tonight."

Shawn left the next morning and I got right to work playing catch-up for the day I'd taken off. During my lunch break, I ran to the grocery store and bought the ingredients to make a vegan green curry for dinner. The afternoon dragged by, though it started snowing around four o'clock, so at least I had a pretty view to look at as I crunched numbers.

I'd just closed up my laptop when my boyfriend knocked at the door. "I need to give you a key," I remarked after opening it.

He didn't say anything as he removed his boots and hung up his heavy coat which was dusted with snow.