The One After [SHAWN MENDES]

Chapter 118

I needed a few seconds to compose myself, but once I was ready, I knocked on the girls' apartment door.

When Briya answered, she raised an eyebrow and clucked her tongue. "Where have you been, young lady?"

I walked inside the apartment and saw that everyone was gone. "I was kissing Shawn in the stairway," I replied truthfully.

"What?!" Fallon screeched from the kitchen.

"We talked and it was nice. Then we had a hot make-out sesh."

"I cannot believe our plan worked!" Briya said excitedly.

Placing my hands on my hips I glowered at her. "What plan?"

Fallon joined us. "We knew that if you and Shawn saw each other something would happen, especially after the whole Christmas incident. Brian and Meg agreed when we had drinks last month. He came up with the idea to text Shawn about a guy to get him riled up, and it was perfect that someone actually hit on you. We're romantic masterminds!"

"You are devious!" My feelings were very conflicted, and I wasn't sure if I should be mad or grateful.

"Only because we know love when we see it and you and Shawn are the epitome of genuine true love."

I plopped down on the couch and grabbed a chocolate cupcake. I took a little bite, chewed it slowly, and said, "We're not back together, so the jokes on you."

"What do you mean?" Briya asked as she sat next to me.

"It was just kissing. We had a great discussion, but nothing has changed. He didn't say he's forgiven me or that he wants me back. We might love each other, but if this experience has taught me anything, it's that he was right when he said love isn't always enough. I don't think we are meant to be."

"Bull-fucking-shit!" Fallon snapped. "Is this some new coping mechanism you've employed to get over him?"

"No. I've just had time to think and see things clearly. I'm starting to heal, so attempting a reunion would be a huge setback."

"But you can suck face in a hallway?" she asked.

"Stairway," I corrected. "And it was purely physical. We might not be destined to be together, but the attraction is still there."

"You're insane. Do you hear yourself? You've been so depressed that you're starving yourself to the point of emaciation, but you're trying to project this image that this is all okay. You love him and he loves you! Fight for each other!"

I jumped up and stomped over to her. "I gave him the chance to fight for me when he found out about the dream, and he chose to walk away! The audacity of you two trying to manipulate my life! I love you both and I know you mean well, but you need to take a take a step back and think about this."

"We just want you to be happy again, boo!" Briya said sadly. "You seem to be on a self-destructive path."

"For the record, I'm in regular therapy and am now on an antidepressant. Calling me insane was a really low blow, Fallon! Using a word like that on anyone who is struggling with their mental health is fucked up. Maybe making out with Shawn was stupid or impulsive, but I was blissfully happy for a little while and for that reason I have no regrets."

Fallon did something I'd never seen her do before and burst into tears. "I'm so sorry, Lucy. It seemed like such a harmless plan to get you two together, but it's true that it was devious. We don't have the right to play around with your life, and I'm even sorrier that I called you insane."

I gave her a hug. "I forgive you because I love you, but from now on, back off. I'm trying to get my shit together, but it's my shit and only I can sort it out."

We spent the next half hour putting away the leftover food and cleaning up their apartment. When we were done, we sat down in the living room. I took a second bite of the cupcake I'd started earlier, but I knew it would be my last since the sweetness was too much. I looked forward to the day when I could go back to eating several bakery items without batting an eye.

"What are you and Shawn going to do now?" Briya asked after taking a sip of wine.

I shrugged. "I'm not sure. I made it clear that this was just a little fun, and he didn't argue with that."

Fallon rested her head on my shoulder. "You still love him, don't you?"

"More than anything, but do not tell me that he loves me, too. That's not helpful."

"I'm not saying a thing, but we're here if you ever want to talk about him or about anything else."

"I know. It's not easy for me to discuss the mental health stuff, but maybe with time that will get better. I opened up to Shawn a little after he commented on my weight loss."

Briya frowned. "He wasn't rude about it, was he?"

"Of course not. Wearing something this tight accentuates it, so I guess I should have expected him to notice. My dad hasn't said anything, but I feel like it's coming. He was eyeing me at the bakery."

"The people who love you are going to worry," Fallon told me.

"I promise you that I'm following my doctor's treatment plan. It'll take time for the meds to take effect, but I'm beginning to feel better. I should probably head home since I need to take my pill."

I hugged my best friends and retrieved my purse from their bedroom. Once I was home and snuggled in bed, I looked at my phone. Liam had already texted to see if I wanted to do something the following weekend. Tomorrow I'd try to come up with a way to let him down gently, although maybe I needed to give him a second chance. I was the one who asked about his job, so it wasn't all his fault that he'd bored me.

As I was setting my phone down, it began vibrating, and I saw that it was Shawn calling. It was late, but back when he was on tour we talked at all hours, so he must have felt it was okay.

"You know it's after midnight, right?" I said when I answered.

"Sorry! I figured you'd be up. Did I wake you?"

It was strange how natural this felt considering it had been months since we'd been close. "Nope. Just got home from the girls' place. Did you know we were set up?"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Briya, Fallon, Brian, and Meg concocted a plan for us to see each other. I think the girls may have had the housewarming party as an excuse to get us in the same room. Oh, and your best friend texted you about the guy I was talking to because he knew it would get you to come."

Shawn laughed loudly. "Seriously? Did they get the idea from some Nickelodeon or Disney show from the 2000's?"

"I don't know, but it both tickled and annoyed me. I got into it with Fallon, but we made up immediately."

"Did our rendezvous on the stairs made them think they were successful?" he asked.

"Sort of, but then I explained that it was nothing and that's when the argument started."

"Nothing? Ouch."

"You know what I mean. I loved every second of it, but we both know it's over," I told him.

"It's not completely over if we're making out."

He was right. Something was still there, but it didn't mean we were getting back together. "I don't want to delve into this tonight. It's late. If you have regrets, I'm sorry."

"I don't regret it at all, Lucy," he said softly. "Kissing you tonight was the happiest I've been in months."

"Chemistry has never been our problem."

He cleared his throat. "I called because I'm going to be in LA recording for awhile, but I was hoping we could get coffee when I get home."

I wasn't sure if he was asking me on a date or if this was a 'just friends' thing. Either way, I liked the idea of spending more time with him. "Let me know when you get back and we'll meet up at your favorite place."

"In the meantime, we'll keep in touch, yeah?"

"Yes."

I knew I was opening myself up to get hurt again, but if I played it safe I could handle this.