The One After [SHAWN MENDES]

Chapter 111

A couple days after my brunch with the girls, I was at my dining table working on billing. The night before had been filled with tears of painful remorse, and I was only functioning because of three big mugs of dark roast coffee. I regretted not telling Shawn about the dream, and I hated how I'd left things when I walked out of Shawn's condo, but more than that, I was overcome with sadness that he'd gone on our vacation without me.

So much for trying to be positive.

My phone alerted me to a text, and I welcomed the temporary distraction. It was Fallon.

Did you mean it when you said you wanted to hear stuff about Shawn?

Oh fuck. I'd meant it when I said it, but now I wasn't so sure. She probably wouldn't be asking unless it was bad.

On a scale of 1-10, how upset will what you're going to share make me?

She responded right away:

20

My heart sank to my stomach because there was only one thing that would devastate me on that level.

He hooked up with someone, didn't he?

While I waited for her to reply, I said a non-religious prayer that I was wrong.

Not sure

Something came up on deuxmoi but it could be fake

People send in bullshit sightings all the time

I didn't want to reinstall Instagram, so I asked her to screenshot it for me. A few seconds later an image appeared on my phone. I read the content once and then I read it again.

Someone asked the queen of celebrity gossip what her 'boss' (one of Shawn's code names on the account) had been up to and if he was single. Deux replied that I hadn't been seen with him in over a month. She then joked that if we had broken up, it would be confirmed with a sad song. This was like a dagger to my heart because it reinforced that losing me wasn't nearly as hard as losing Camila had been. I wasn't worthy of a breakup ballad, apparently. The kicker was an update at the bottom which stated Shawn had been spotted kissing a blonde at the resort.

What I did next was extremely unlike me, but my emotions got the best of me. I took my pretty blue iPhone and threw it across the room. It hit the mirror above the couch, shattering the reflective glass, and then bounced off the sofa cushion before landing with a thud on the floor.

"Fuck!" I screamed, as I jumped up and shut the bedroom door so that Inky, who was asleep on my comforter, would be safe.

I picked up my phone and saw that the screen was cracked and there were lines running across the screen. It wasn't dead, but it was beyond repair. Then I went to the kitchen and got a trash bag. For the next half-hour, I picked up each piece of the mirror and ran the vacuum over the couch and the floor until I was positive no shards of glass remained.

Sitting back down at my computer, I typed a quick email to Fallon, explaining what I'd done since she was probably worried that I hadn't responded to her. She emailed back that she totally understood and offered to go with me to get a new phone. I wasn't up to seeing anyone, so I politely declined.

Before getting back to work, I went to the bathroom to pee. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I realized I hadn't shed a single tear over what Shawn had done. Sadness was not the predominant feeling; I was angry. I wouldn't let another man's lips touch mine right now for a million dollars, yet there he was, casually sucking face with someone he'd probably just met.

Unless it was fake.

I needed to hold on to that possibility. Until I knew for sure that he'd hooked up, I might as well stay positive and assume the best. There was no photographic evidence, which gave me a modicum of hope.

I finished out my workday and then took a quick shower before getting dressed. An hour later, I had a new white phone. I'd wanted blue again, but they were back-ordered a week and I couldn't wait that long. While I was out, I picked up some tacos from one of my favorite counter service places which I took home to eat in my apartment, though I only made it through one of them. Once my phone was set up and charging, I texted the girls.

Any new info?

Briya replied first.

Can we come over? I think this calls for an emergency girls meeting

I reluctantly agreed because I knew talking would be easier than texting. My besties showed up a little later with several tubs of ice cream.

"What are the odds that whoever sent in that update was lying?" I asked them. They exchanged worried looks and my stomach sank. "What?"

"There was a second update," Fallon explained.

"Was it an actual photo of him kissing that girl?"

"No. I guess that happened yesterday- it's so damn confusing with time zones. Anyway, the same person sent in a photo of Shawn and the blonde that was taken in the morning," Fallon told me.

I reached my hand out. "Lemme see."

She opened her phone up to Instagram and went to deuxmoi's story, tapping until she came to the latest news. Handing it to me, she said, "I'm really sorry."

The photo was taken from a distance, but it was only slightly blurry and there was no mistaking what was going on. Shawn and a woman (who of course looked like a model) were on a private balcony wearing hotel bathrobes and seemed pretty cozy since his arm was draped around her shoulders. Their hair was messy in a way that screamed 'SEX!' and they both had contented smiles on their faces.

He'd fucked her. First he kissed her in the hall, and then she joined him in the suite and they spent the night together. I was just a distant memory, and he'd moved on to someone new and prettier.

"You okay?" Briya asked.

I returned Fallon's phone. "He's free to fuck whomever he wants now."

"Sure, but that doesn't stop it from hurting," she said as she shoved her phone back in her bag. "You can be honest about your feelings with us. Scream if you have to. I'll hold a pillow if you need to punch something."

I grabbed a spoon and dug it into the cookie dough ice cream in front of me, though it was virtually flavorless, so I pushed it away after swallowing. "I'm the one who told him he could do whatever he wanted. This is on me, just like everything else."

"You're missing my point. Just because he's technically single and can fuck around doesn't mean it isn't a huge blow to you. You're honestly scary me by reacting so calmly."

"Given that I threw my phone at the wall earlier, I think I'm far from calm," I stated wryly. "I can't even articulate my feelings. I'm numb, like almost in a state of shock. I thought he loved me more than this, but that was all a lie. Talk about irony! He couldn't stay with me because he felt my love wasn't real, but in the end, it was all smoke and mirrors on his part. He said and did all the right things and had me convinced I was everything to him, but that was an illusion."

"Lucy," Briya started cautiously, "fucking someone else has nothing to do with loving you. People love one person and hook up with another all the time. You can't let his current actions erase what the two of you had! He absolutely loved you and probably still does."

Fallon nodded. "He might be using sex as a coping mechanism. You know what they say...the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else or to get someone under you, depending on what you're into. Casual meaningless sex can be cathartic."

"Maybe we can go clubbing on Saturday, and I'll bring home the hottest guy I meet. What's good for the gander is good for the goose, eh?"

"If that's what you want to do, then I support it," Fallon said. "Just don't do it purely for revenge. You'll end up feeling worse."

"Too bad I don't actually want to fuck anyone...except Shawn."

Briya grabbed my hand. "Don't give up hope! Couples have overcome much bigger problems than this! Maybe you should call him and ask him what's going on."

"Are you kidding me? I don't ever want to speak to him again!" I said bitterly. "He can go straight to hell!"

Just then, my new phone lit up with an incoming call, and it was none other than the man I'd just cursed.